What's The Right Way To Date A Guy?

Every time I meet a guy who shows a lot of interest and we click really well it fizzles really fast. What Can I do to prevent this? Am I really supposed to play hard to get until he asks to be exclusive? What are the key things to prevent a guy from disappearing after a couple dates? It's been 4 years since I've been in a LTR and I'm ready to start again, but I just can't seem to get dating right? I try to be casual and non clingy but I'm at the point where I really think I'm doing something wrong here. I barely get a chance to be weird. I don't know how to not care because I feel if I not care too much they're just going to lose interest or think I'm playing games.

Updates:
*not saying I'm weird but saying if a guy is gonna disapear let me at least be weird or something, that makes more sense then just I miss you------>(1 week later) *echo echo*
Okay here is what I think I have learned so far from replies and looking back at past dates

1. Do be optimistic

2. Don’t over text, keep it simple, and don’t rush to reply

3. Do listen, and show interest their life keep up with it, don’t make it all about you

4. Don’t send any kind of pic that hints you thinking about sex with him avoid talking about sex as long as possible

5. Don’t accept every invitation to hang out

6. Don’t talk about the future or at least things far in advance when just dating

7. Do Limit the amount of times you call them by a pet names

8. Do whatever you have to do to keep busy and not make him a priority even when you think you’re not

9. If he has a lot of girls as friends be confident don’t rush to assume anything but don’t be oblivious

10. Do trust your gut if it feels like a red flag it probably is


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Most Helpful Girl

  • What's The Right Way To Date A Guy?

    Depends on the guy though it seems for most guys it's being placating, pleasant, and putting out often.

    Every time I meet a guy who shows a lot of interest and we click really well it fizzles really fast. What Can I do to prevent this?

    Evaluate the types of guys you attract and see if they gave indicators that possibly they're the type who lose interest quickly. Indicators such as being indecisive, quickly changing their minds, few committments, and interested in many things while dedicated to little.

    Evaluate your attempts and try to find a common factor of when it begins to fizzle:

    - is it after talking about the future

    - is it after engaging insexual contact/acts

    - is it after sharing most things and there being nothing to little else to talk about

    Am I really supposed to play hard to get until he asks to be exclusive?

    Playing hard to get seems to work on most guys.

    What are the key things to prevent a guy from disappearing after a couple dates?

    Retaining mystery as it seems having a guy think he doesn't know all he can about a gal keeps his interest as he wants to know more rather than get bored of the same old thing.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Playing games is for the retards. I don't advise it. However, be aware of red flags that a guy can give off. E.G trying to get you into bed within the first few weeks of knowing you. More than likely not interested in something long term. Actions speak louder than words. A person who is interested, will make time for you, if they aren't, they will not. Do not expect anything, your hope will be crushed. Better to expect nothing and get something you didn't expect, at least you're going up and not down. As before, if you want to be a retard/teenage girl, go play your mind games, no guy who respects himself/time will hang around with you or chase you. It sounds like something a person with a mental disorder would do. Almost reminds me of BPD minus the emotional fluctuation-which is very consistent.

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    • Thanks ;) I'm so anxious to try again with someone new and use all of this advice, but am being patient lol

  • Please don't play hard to get. You could if it's on some fun cute sh*t and you both agree on it.

    I believe you're just over-thinking it. If you feel like showing more affection then don't be afraid to. The boundary is where being affectionate meets being clingy and smothering.

    Clingy only blocks intimacy on the point where you're preventing other things your partner wants to do. Say enjoy a show without having to feel somebody holding your hand like they' babysitting you.

    This question is really tough to answer, cause, it feels like you're either dating the wrong type of man or you got your mind set somehow wrong and it's interfering with how you want to do things.

    Best of luck. Sorry if this didn't help much.

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    • No it helped I think I'm dating the wrong time and am not seeing a red flag somewhere I need to kind of take a step back and see who they are instead of what I chose to see

  • Well what do you do/say on these dates matters a lot

    perhaps tgey think they think that they did something wrong and just don't want to go on the next date thinking they screwed up

    Perhaps they putt too much efford in it and you give not eneugh effort back

    Or perhaps your so focussed on not being clingy that you appear unintrested to them

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    • Latley I try to keep interest in their life, ask question have follow up questions remembering later a story they told me where its not going in one ear and out the other. I don't reveal too much about myself. When things are going really well when they get excited I say I like how things are and am enjoying and now instead of focusing on the future. When they show interest I show interest but I don't know what I'm doing wrong still like maybe fall back a little if they ask to hang out say no sometimes?

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    • Perhaps the plans you had for the future where ugh too much and not suited for him perhaps?

    • i never made a plan it was all him bringing things up like concerts, rock climbing etc the only " future plan" I made was if he'd be my date for my birthday next week I hate talking about the future because of that reason.

  • let's say you're relatively normal and bearable. I don't think that not/showing interest, being not/clingy etc is the problem here.

    i think it's more about the content, ie how interesting you actually are - as a human being.

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    • I think I'm pretty interesting. I don't drink smoke or do drugs, but I'm not a total bore. However It always seems like the "dirty girls" get the guy when the mature fun girl gets a Friday Night with Ben&Jerry lol

  • What kind of guys are you dating? Are they guys who've had LTR or do they just 'date around'?

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    • They've had LTR which kinda sucks in a way because I never had a LTR longer than a year I've only had one and that was 4 years ago and I keep meeting guys who have been in this relationships 3years+ were I feel there kinda been there done that phase of their life when I never had the chance to be there myself.

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    • You're stuck in being mysterious, good girl, no signs of sex, not too much interest, etc. All the things to GET him interested.

      And you GET dates. But you're no turning them into relationships. That requires building closeness, a connection having him think you desire him, etc.

    • um kinda I'm good at getting a guy to ask me out by being all the things you said but once they show a lot of interest I throw that stuff out the window and get too excited when I don't realize and leave no mystery

  • What's The Right Way To Date A Guy?

    show up!

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What Girls Said 3

  • date multiple guys at once.if you're not committed don't be exclusive to him., its about finding the best guy so you need to increase your options by dating more than one, or two..

    Play hard to get...better yet, be hard to get.no guy stays interested in the girl who has no life and drops everything to be with him all the time.

    I agree with your guidelines.

    And don't take the advice of most people here, we live on the real world, not the idealistic fantasy where everyone is a nice guy looking for love with the first girl who pays him attention lol

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  • It's more likely that you two just weren't a right fit, he wasn't looking for a relationship, etc. Not saying there aren't things you can improve on, but don't let striking out with four guys change your life. Finding the right guy is tough, and many of them around our age bracket have dating ADD anyway. It's possible they saw you were a good girl looking for a relationship and didn't want to hurt you, so they jumped ship when they realized you weren't on the same page.

    Stay positive, and the only thing I'd advise is not to come across desperate to make it work. After a few of these experiences, there's a chance you may seem that way even with a guy you're not sure about, just because you want one to be successful. Many guys worry that a girl is only into the idea of a boyfriend/husband, and not the guy themselves. Become comfortable with being single, and instead of trying to make it work, sit back and see if they're worth it to begin with. Most of them won't be (finding the right guy is tough). Also, if you're not already, hold back on the hooking up for a little while. I think you're attracting the wrong guys and that will only make things harder.

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    • 1. it wasn't 4 guys I struck out with it's been 4 YEARS since I'vebeen in a LTR I can't count how many strike outs lol

      2. Its really hard to not take their lead when they show interest and just be almost aloof to the whole situation

      3. I used to be comfortable being single but my lack of friends puts more of an emphasis on me being single I'm not some spinster who can't make friends I'm at that phase where we all phased out and starting from scratch which has been hard

    • 4. I've for awhile with held sex too soon, but I'm still at fault for using innuendo or sharing what I'm into too soon I can admit that and need to work on that.

  • make sure you let them initiate everything. bring up sexual exclusivity, when he asks for it or at least before the 2nd time. make it clear you don't want to be a girlfriend, you want to be a wife someday, and that you are going to keep your options open until he decides he wants to do. A lot of guys can pick up on our readiness to jump on them, chain em and lock em up becuase we have been so desperate and not been f***ed properly in forever- let alone romantic needs met.

    for me I get attached with sex, and I need a lot of physical affection- bring this up too with teh sexual exlusivity, or if asks to be your girlfriend, that is the perfect time for the " I don't want to be a girlfriend" speech. that you can do sexual exlusivity until he decides when he's ready, no pressyre, and stick toy our honest emotions without involving his actions, no critcizing, etc.

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