I basically just died on the bathroom floor cause I think I've lost him this time.....?

This guy and I have quite a strong bond, and started going out in July. It started off great. 2 weeks later was the school ball. I did an incredibly stupid thing and didn't want to dance with him, because I'm a shy and I don't like to dance in front of people.. it's awkward. But then a couple of friends dragged me onto the dance floor and I danced with them. I don't know why I did that! :( This pissed him off and he got hurt. I felt SO bad and was lucky enough to get a second chance.

But now I've gone and screwed up again.

Last night we somehow got talking about the subject of sex (I know for sure 100% that he is a good guy btw) and I said "I'm not ready but anyway I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that with someone who wasn't going to stick around long-term" and he agreed that he wouldn't either.

The thing is, we're in our last year of high school and will go to different universities next year. He told me he didn't want to try long-distance because it's too hard, people drift apart, get tired of it, wouldn't get to see each other in months-years, doesn't want me to feel like I'm using him, would be a burden to me" etc. Which is all very logical. But it hurt when he said "I think we should carry on now (non-sexual and getting along) and just stop at the end of the year and I'll let you go to ___ uni." It was like a definite "we'll be over soon" sign and I cried myself to sleep.

Today I told him "It felt like I got dumped last night and I've been walking around with this heavy feeling." he said last night he was going to send another text with a certain 3 words in it but chose not to. Before I left to get a tissue I wrote a note, "It feels like I'm going through a breakup 3 months before it's due. Literally "due." And those 3 words don't make sense in this situation."

When I came back, he said (about the 3 word 'i love you' thing) "You thought it was bullsh*t, 'didn't make sense'. And that hurts." And I said "No no no no I thought that when you love someone then you'd be willing to find a way to be with them no matter what, but it's just that you don't want to.. but I understand that you're trying to think logically about it." I guess we just have different definitions of love. Then we went outside and he said "If you feel uncomfortable with this relationship then you can change your relationship status on Facebook.. if you know what I mean" and he said I always make him feel uncomfortable and it's my fault again for bringing up the subject of our future next year, and we should have left that conversation til the end of the year. Is that fair?

So I can't even talk to him about long distance relationships? But I see it was bad that I didn't believe him at first that he loved me. He said "everything I do for you is based on those 3 words." I know he cares! But how can you say you love someone and then not care if you break up?

So I think I've... lost him? I don't know. It hurts like hell. What do I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is a tough one. High school comes to an end and people enter a new chapter in their lives with college. However, just because sonething ends, it doesn't mean it's not worth fully experiencing while you're there. One of the characters in the first American Pie movie said something that's actually extremely relevant here. It was to the effect of, you establish a really strong bond with someone in high school and even though it won't last forever, isn't that a better way to have your first sexual experience than going to college and having it with someone after some frat party?

    That was bang spot on as far as I'm concerned. I went out with my high school girlfiend for over a year and we never had sex. Biggest mistake in my life.

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    • u could also have sex in college with someone you bond with. it doesn't have to be either bond sex and h.s., or frat sex in uni.

      i thought it was dumb for them to have sex, seeing as they both looked really uncomfortable& they were about to go meet other people. neither of them looked into i. it was silly, imo.

What Guys Said 4

  • I don't know how much help I can be hun but ill try. It has been my experience that long distance relationships don't work (1 in a 1,000,000 if they do), its a hard fact. It's just when your away from someone you care about you can't be there if they need you, or if you need them. It's that lacking of the physical portion of the relationship that starts to tear at it. Knowing that the relationship will end definitely puts a heavy strain on the relationship as well. Would you be open to the possibility that you two just put the relationship on hold so to speak and see where you both are when you can be together again? Just cause you will be apart for 4 years doesn't mean it won't work when your done, it doesn't mean it will either. It's a rough situation. You could just try to put the fact that it will end away for now and just enjoy the time with him day by day. I don't know, I'm probably not making any sense.

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    • Thank you. I probably couldn't be open to that 'cause I might study medicine which will take at least 6 years & besides we will be on totally different paths, moving on with our new lives. You never know though. But the issue right now is the fact that he's mad at me/hurt that I didn't believe that he loves me. I thought love is when you do anything to be with them, but now I see that long-d wouldn't work. And I make him uncomfortable? I don't know what to do, if he's broken up with me or ... :(

    • When you part from someone you care for (for whatever the reason) its going to hurt. In life its inevitable that you will make mistakes, you will get hurt and hurt others, but its what you do with those experiences that matters. If you learn from the mistakes you make in life then some good came of them. Try apologizing, I know it may not seem like much but its the best you can do. If you want to be with him till it has to end, tell him. Being open and honest about your feelings goes a long way.

    • Another thing, about being sexual. If you really care/love him it wouldn't that make it any less special just because circumstance will force you apart. That's just my opinion. But only you can decide if your ready for that.

  • Give it some time. If he really does love you, he'll be back. Until then, don't beat yourself up about it or blame yourself for being shy. It takes time for some to get real comfortable in a relationship and saving yourself for that special sex occasion with him is something he should feel very honor about. Find some positive things to do to keep yourself occupied and never change from being who you are.

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  • You'll get over it. The first love is tough, but you'll definitely get over it. You'll get consumed in the college lifestyle and you'll learn new things and have an interest in new pursuits, and it will all be a memory before you know it.

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  • Kids like you seem to have gotten this crazy idea from somewhere, that if you love someone you will magically find a way to overcome anything and do anything and go anywhere to be with that person.

    And sadly the real world isn't like that.

    As long as you cling to such notions, you'll never believe a guy loves you.

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    • No. You can't necessarily go anywhere to be with that person.

      But if you love someone, ud want to be with them , while you're still actually in the same place. this guy is full of sh*t. imo.

What Girls Said 1

  • wait, you have a complete year, & you guys are worrying about long distance. & just being friends.

    thats crap. no one breaks up someone someone a year in advance, unless they are just ready to move on.

    a year. that's a long time. you don't even know if a relationship will last that long. its not an engagement. its a relationship.

    this is just super dramatic for no reason.

    if you like each other & want to be together, you have a year. if you don't like each other & want to be together you dont. that's it. everything else is window dressing.

    im not sure what 3 months has to do with anything. are you guys out of school & by next yer you mean tis year?

    anyways you gys can stay together until you leave. its an experience, whether it lasts or doesn't.

    if he's breaking p with u, he probably wants sex. & knows your not giving it to him. its not love- its drama. when you love someone you want to spend time with that person, you think about how to make the most of it.not how to end it.

    he sonds like he's in love with the idea of himself being in love. if it was love, he wouldn't be thinking of why its a bad idea. he's just loving the drama.

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