Does your past affect your dating life now?

I was absolutely fiiine all my life until I dated a guy for a while who, as I later found out, was still seeing his ex! I felt awful. Why would someone "cheat" on a new, attractive fun girl?! I felt tiny and in the dumps.

Apparently I still can't get over it, not the specific situation I mean but the fact that, in my head, I can't trust anyone again or enjoy my dates cos I'm always thinking that the guy is here just to get laid or mess with me somehow. Weird how I focus on this bad experience and not the other good ones.

Any tips/stories you wanna share? I really need to feel like I can trust my dates and enjoy them. To feel like there are people with good intentions:) Thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No... like Sir Winston Churchill said, If the present tries to sit in judgement of the past it will lose the future. And he knows a thing or two about past failures.

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What Guys Said 5

  • It did. I was recovering from a pretty nasty situation I'd been in when a friend started to like me. We didn't end up together :-/ It was a case of bad timing. I take solace in that I did move beyond what had happened, so my past doesn't affect me too much anymore. I'm writing an article about recovering from bad relationships right now.

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  • it should, that's part of gaining experience.

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  • It only affects me in the way that I learned some things from those past mistakes.

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  • Yes mam it does.

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  • Yes it does. Very much so indeed.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Unfortunately yes.

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  • yeah it definitely well I just broke it off with a guy a week ago, we weren't in a relationship but it was so messed up...he definitely showed me that if you don't know the person before you start dating it takes a good 2-3 months to really know the person's character. because at first he was all nice and sweet it took a good month or more for his true colors to come out and he was a real a**hole.

    i learned a lot but am definitely jaded and hurt by the experience.

    at least I didn't give him my V card.

    this was my first adult relationship..though we weren't official it went on for months and in my mind will count as some kind of relationship, just not a serious one. I had boyfriends but I was 18 and younger, just starting college, very different point in my life.

    i learned that I have to communicate up front and not be scared that the guy will leave. I sacrificed what I really wanted because he was fun, exciting, and attractive and I thought we clicked..turns out he is just a huge jerk who lies and twists every bad thing he does into my fault.

    i learned that actions speak louder than words.

    i have new "lines" or "red flags" in my mind of behaviors that I overlooked and should not have, and what is not acceptable

    i learned that if my instincts are telling me not to trust him I should not ignore them

    i learned that if I catch a guy in a lie early on (I caught him in 2) I better leave

    i learned that the more you let it drag on in situations where you are not truly happy because he isn't treating you right, the worse you will feel and the harder it will be to end things

    i learned that I get emotionally attached easily and if the guy wasn't looking to get serious nothing will change his mind

    blahh..overall I don't regret it, what bothers me is that I did click with him and how much I liked him, and it's hard to accept what a jerk he is, I miss the good parts of him.

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