If a guy is MIA, could that mean that he really likes me but he thinks I just need time to get over a breakup?

I met this guy online and we immediately hit it off. We began texting daily and would talk non-stop via text (he doesn't like talking on the phone). At the time I started talking with him I was taking a break from my boyfriend of 10 years and deciding whether I was going to break up the relationship. I was really upfront with the new guy and he actually was a good listener to my problems. He told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend of 7 years 3 months ago. We ended up becoming really close with each other and both told each other that we liked each other...he even mentioned how "addicted" he felt towards me. We also went on a few dates and he seemed really interested in me (although nothing physical ever happened). I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend not because of the feelings I was developing for this new guy but because I just felt like the relationship wasn’t right and that I need to date around for awhile and be more independent (my 10 year relationship was the only relationship that I’ve ever had). Me and the new guy would talk about so many things and I asked him if he is ready to settle down and get married and he said yes. I told him I was happy for him but when he asked me I told him that I wasn't yet that's why I feel the need to explore my life and be on my own. He revealed that he is guarded (he said he doesn't want to be this way) and doesn’t want to run the risk of getting hurt. He said that me rushing into a relationship with someone else wouldn't be wise since he thinks I need to be single for a bit. He said that this is something that is going to have to take a lot of time and that we should be friends for now. I agreed with him. He also said that we are in 2 very different places and I agreed but I said that it doesn't mean that we can't eventually get to the same place and he agreed.

Throughout the whole time we’ve been on 6 dates but slowly he seemed to drift away from me saying that he is really busy with work. And he also started to get really sensitive about things always assuming that I was out on other dates even though I told him that I hadn't been on a date since I saw him! I think I got really attached to him and it almost started to feel like we were boyfriend and girlfriend just before he started to pull away from me. He has left for Europe for 2 weeks and I’ve tried asking him to meetup before he left since I haven’t seen him in like a month but he just said he’s too busy. I don't understand how he could not want to see me when he used to tell me how much he missed me only after a few days of us seeing each other! I ended up bumping into him at the mall and later saw him there with another girl just before he left for his trip. How does he have time to spend with another girl and not me (even if she is just a friend)? I feel really hurt since he didn’t respond to my text where I told him that I would miss him. He got back from his trip almost 2 weeks now and I still haven't heard from him. Is he just giving me space? Should I contact him?


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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm just going to lay the truth out there, and I hope you can respect that.

    He's probably moving on, very possibly with that other girl, maybe someone else.

    It's likely that you two really were having a great time in the beginning... but as the steam built for you, it may have dwindled with him. I've always lived my life by the moto "You make time for what's important to you." If I'm to hold to that... he certainly could (and would) have found time to see you and be with you if he was thinking seriously about being with you in a long-term fashion.

    You two probably are in different places in your lives right now... just maybe not the ones you thought when you both talked about it. My advice to you is... ease off of him and, if he's your friend, don't lecture him or speak ill of him for dating someone else, or doing what he needs to do with his life. If he wasn't willing to respond and let you know he'd miss you too, spend time with you before he left, not talk to you while he's in Europe, and 2 weeks later, AFTER he got back, still not contacted you... he isn't likely "Waiting" for you. You shouldn't contact him (you've done all the contacting for over a month up to this point... just let him go. You should start moving on with your life... and find someone who finds you to be their night and day... who will make time for you, love you, and be where you are... growing with you.

    Good luck!

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    • Thanks for your honesty.

  • Yeah I definitely think you should contact him since he's gotten back.

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