Is it me or am I missing something when a man goes "Poof"?

I met a guy online. We exchanged a few emails on the dating site then he offered his phone number to text. We texted here and there for a couple of days and then he asked if he could call. I said yes and for a week we spent countless hours on the phone just getting to know each other. It was a breath of fresh air to be able to talk to someone who was completely engaged in having a nice conversation. He then asked if he could take me to dinner and I agreed. He lives 70 miles away so I thought it was a nice gesture that he offered to make the drive and take me out. The first date was fantastic. We had awesome chemistry, conversation and lots of eye contact. Before the date was over he asked to see me again and I said yes. We had a first date kiss and ended the night. He called me almost immediately after to tell me what a great time he had and we talked for another 2 hours. We set our date for that Friday and the texts and phone calls continued. Friday came and he made the 70 mile drive again and this time he picked me up and had flowers for me. We went to dinner and went out for drinks and dancing after that. The night ended and the next day he let me know what a great time he had and asked to see me yet again. 2 days later we met in the middle and had dinner and talked for hours after that. There were no pressured for sex and he was a complete gentleman. He left out of town the next day for work and he told me that I was amazing and that I had the whole package and that he never met anyone like me and that I deserved the best because I was the best. He texted and called the entire week he was gone. When he got back he invited me to his house and I accepted. I drove down there and everything was great. We talked, watched tv, cuddled and then went to sleep. We ended up having sex that night, but the odd thing about it was that he stopped in the middle and said he really didn't want to rush into this and that he felt it was a little rushed. So we stopped having sex and he didn't finish! The rest of the night was still good. The next morning he walked me out to my car, kissed and hugged and the said we would see each other the following weekend. The next day he texted me good morning and to have an awesome day. The following day absolutely nothing. The day after that he texted me asking if I was upset with him because he was texting me all week with no response. I told him I hadn't received any texts from him so I called to clear the air but he wouldn't answer the phone. I texted and called the next day, but he didn't contact me back. I'm so confused! It has been 2 weeks now and nothing. We are still friends on FB, but still nothing. Guys...please give me a little insight! How can things go from amazing to absolutely nothing? How can a man tell you that he wants things to continue then POOF! Is it me? Is it him? I backed off and I'm still living my life like I did before him. Guys...insight please lol


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i'm sorry this happened. He's definitely being a deutche now, but, this is not weird or uncommon. the sex was too soon. In fact, it was too soon by his standards. The truth is, he really thought you were "something else." but when he got the sex SO early on, it really disappointed him. He was probably looking at you as more than girlfriend material--but wife material. I think, he thought you would be the one... but when the sex came so easily on just your 3rd date, it changed what or who he thought you were.

    Guys may not expliicitly say it, but, when the sex comes early, they lose respect and regard the girl as being easy. It's not fair since they are willing to sleep w/someone early on too, but that is how some of their minds work.

    If I were you, I'd probably just scrap this one as a loss, take notes for future dates and move on. However, if you want you could write him an email telling him how unfair he is being and that you deserve an explaination. But, If I were you, I'd just move on and leave with my dignity.

    Hope you find a good guy someday.

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    • This was actually our 4th date and at that point we had been seeing each other for about a month. He initiated sex and I felt the time was right. That's just harsh to think he lost respect for me over that. You could be right though :( It is so hard to navigate through this dating swamp. Gosh, you make one wrong move and BOOM...you're done. I guess I could email him since he hasn't deleted me from FB. Thanks for your insight :)

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    • @supersean123; if it was the drive, I figure he would have called and told her as much.

      @QA: just bcs a man initiates sex does not mean a woman should do it. men are always initiating sex. I know its harsh to think, but men are pretty black and white. a woman needs to be shrewd, not as much caught up on whether it "feels right." if can DECIDE to leave a great gal 4 just anything and go poof, you can DECIDE to be as calculated too.

    • I kind of wondered if it was the drive, but I agree, I think he would have told me if it was too much of a haul. If anything, this will be nothing short of a learning experience. I'm not casual with sex what so ever and he knew that. We discussed that early on and he assured me that he wasn't looking for sex. I'm going to contact him one last time and clear the air from my side. He'll either respond or he won't...but either way, I guess I'll have my answer.

What Guys Said 3

  • It sounds a little weird, but its impossible to say exactly what the reason can be. It can be anything really. I do agree that it's a little weird he stopped during sex and things started going down after that. I assume you have already contacted him on FB, so if he doesn't reply you, I guess all you can do is wait.. I know that it sucks, but that's just the way it is.

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    • Thank you for your insight :) No...I didn't contact him on FB because I had already sent him a couple of texts and a vm and he never responded so I kinda felt like it would be a waste of time to send a message. You're right...it does suck. I think the worst part is not knowing what happened. But thanks again for reading and responding :)

  • whats missing is your lack of initiation I didn't read anything in your details about you initiating anything, you made him do everything and guys hate that and backing off is the big mistake you need to contact him asap and start initiating things if you want to keep him

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    • I did initiate conversations and such. He wasn't always the first one to text. And on our 3rd date I offered to meet him half way to show that I was also willing to go the extra mile to see him. I am going to email him one last time and leave the ball in his court. I hate to chalk this up as a loss since there was such a good connection, but I've come to realize that I can't make people do or feel how I want them to. Thank you for your input :)

    • of course you can't make people do or feel how you want them to. that's why you find the one right person for you, and girls don't seem to understand that, probably because they are used to getting what they want most of the time

  • I have to say... that's one weird situation. He wasn't after the sex. And he's being a f***** by stringing you along and giving you the silent treatment. I hate people who do that. Just say what you feel and clear the air.

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    • I completely agree. We both even discussed about people who just disappear and how we thought that was cowardly and wrong. The silent treatment makes me feel like I've done something wrong when I know I haven't.

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