Money = power, right?

So I am dating a wonderful guy, when we initially met, I had a steady job and we would take turns paying. Over the next few months of dating, I quit my job and became a full time student , which means I turned broke ... My boyfriend has been really generous with paying for our dates, and I pay here and there but it's mostly him, I always appreciate everything he does and always let him know that I do. I really wish I had a job so I could do my fair share and I will when I am done with school in 3-4 months. we were planning to take a trip over the weekend and if he knows where we would stay, I suggested a place and he casually said "you gonna pay?" I know he didn't say it in a malicious way, but I just feel really really bad, somewhat useless at this point... I don't know how to describe it, I have always been independent and at my last job was making a decent amount. And he knows that I am broke so why would he even ask that? I am considering taking money out of my savings to just prove to him that I can pay for it ... Am I just making a big deal? or is this a big deal?

Updates:
And does anyone think I should bring it up to him that I felt offended by him asking me that?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Under my interpretation, he's saying "Do we really need to go do this" by asking if you were going to pay. Me and my girlfriend just had a similar adolescent discussion a few days back (Hey! I'm still working on listening) and she wanted to go to the coast; I'm a full time student with financial structure and she just lost her job (neither of us have income). So I said something similar to "are you paying"... And the point was that I wanted her to get the perspective that without income, I don't feel comfortable to pursue our dream of "going out" whether to the coast, or across the world, or to a local restaurant. Money means future, without money, I can't buy shoes to get to work or pay for my gas, insurance, rent, cell phone, etc.. So I'm gonna keep costs low until I can replenish my supplies (cash).

    It may have been a low blow, and it's perfectly acceptable to clarify the statement: "John, I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or serious.. Could you clarify the point you're trying to make more directly, I think you're worried about funds because I don't have a job and this economy is hard. Maybe we can compromise and put off the trip for a month or two for both of us to save up so neither of us have to worry about it?"

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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What Guys Said 6

  • I separate money from power. Money can't make you run faster than a speeding bullet. Money doesn't give you superpowers. No matter what weapons we are armed with, what titles of authority we may be granted or how deep our pockets are, we are still human. Until we are able to obtain ESP, speed of PLOT movement and so on, I think of power on a whole different level.

    With that out of the way, I think he was teasing you. Unless he is a complete idiot with money, he knows your situation.

    He MIGHT have been hinting on something of a payback sexually, just a guess on my part.

    Be thankful, there are lots of strong, independent women who would love to be in your shoes...that is, if they were willing to swallow their feminist pride.

    Take my advice, nobody can do it all by themselves. Nobody

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  • well he might have just simply asked if you wanted to be the one paying. He might not have minded at all paying for you, he just wanted to know what's the plan. you know? If I were you, I wouldn't let something small like that offend me and just give him a small and blunt "No, I'm a broke college student".

    Keep it easy and simple, everything should be fine.

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  • It's good that you feel bad for having your boyfriend pay for everything. Anyway, bring it up if you want, but it just sounds a little like he thinks you're just using him for his money. Then again I could be wrong and he was just making a joke.

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  • Don't let something stupid like money get in the way of what you have. Communicate. Tell him you appreciate him so much for it and enjoy your time together. Then work extra hard during that next Winter break you have instead of going on vacation and write him a check/buy him something expensive he's always wanted as a gesture. In his defense, he may be feeling like he's being used for his money and doesn't want you to get too comfortable.

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  • i don't know his personality, but what he said is kinda messed up. you should definitely bring it up with him.

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  • Um no. Money usually equals success. Apparently no one is allowed to be successful anymore in the current mind frame of liberal America. Why? Because other people aren't successful because they don't try. They don't want to work but want all the perks of the rich. Not your scenario. You went to school in order to better yourself and that is admirable and wanting to better your future. Guy's throw out things like that some times in order to feel appreciated as in most girls today are looking for the dollar and easy way out. Don't take it personally.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think you should sit down and talk to him. Let him know how much you appreciate him and ask him if it bothers him. Try and be as open and honest with each other as possible. You don't want any resentment in the relationship but I wouldn't pull money from your savings for a trip. I'm sure he already knows how important school is ect. Just make sure you communicate :)

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  • Makes sense

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  • Take a good look at your finances. If you can swing your side, have at it, but if you can't, tell him you can't go. It may be that he's feeling a financial pressure that he's afraid to bring it up with you, or that he is feeling used.

    Tell him that you'll pay for your share, but that you probably couldn't afford to take him too. If he throws a hissy and brings up all the stuff he's paid for for you, take a good, long look at your relationship because if this ever wound up going anywhere, there's a chance that one of you at some point would not be able to pay for yourself during the relationship and would have to rely on the other one of you.

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