Am I morally obligated to date my ex?

My ex is suicidal and is seriously telling me that if I don't date him he's going to kilf himself. I'd be open to dating him again one day but I really don't want to now, for obvious reasons. If he goes through with it I know its not my fault but if dating him is a way for me to save his life am I morally obligated to do so?

Updates:
Thank you to everyone that answered this question!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I was pretty much in the exact same situation some years ago with a suicidal ex girlfriend.

    It's a hard situation to handle. In most cases suicidal people don't really want to die. It's used as a call for help or to get attention. So like my ex I would guess that it could be the same with your ex that it's something he is using to get your attention, make you feel sorry for him and a way to basically force you to date him. He has taken you emotionally hostage.

    The only solution is to not give in to such things. It will be like rewarding bad behavior . And if you give in to this he will use the same type of guilt tricks on you in the future.

    Here's an example from my situation:

    My ex called my crying saying that she had taken lots of sleeping pills and just called to say goodbye. My immediate response was "You have 5 seconds to tell me if that is really true or not. Otherwise I'm calling an ambulance and then your parents." She instantly told me she was lying.

    Most of the time Suicidal people just want sympathy. So if you don't give them that they will stop acting like that. I probably sound cold and heartless. I'm not. You simply can't allow to be taken emotionally hostage. It's not helping them to treat them like victims.

    After this incident she stopped talking about suicide and I could help her get stable again without all that intense drama.

    Today she is alright :)

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    • well played.. its a mind game, life is worth living, there is nothing put in our paths that we cannot handle. we just need to get a grip. sometimes we want to instantly stop the pain and then the suicidal thought come about. It is the cowardly way to deal with the hand we are given. sometimes we need to fold, "HEAL" and see what the next hand brings to the table.

What Guys Said 8

  • You might be morally obligated to make sure he gets some kind of help (not that you need to send him and pay for it) but you can't date him for a reason like that. What happens when things don't work out again? Call his parents, call his friends, call a psychiatrist, but don't think that you're going to be able to save his life forever or that you even should. His blood won't be on your hands, he would have been the one to make the decision.

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  • I say to say no, you don't have an obligation.

    He's pretty much emotionally blackmailing you.

    I know that you fear him doing the "ultimate act"...but you have to take care of yourself first.

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  • It depends on your ethics, but according to mine, you are not.

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  • Some of the other users have already said this. It's emotional blackmail. You don't' have to do this. If I was you I would just walk away. Sounds harsh, but I don't think you can have a great relationship with someone like that.

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    • A part of me understands and accepts that it's "emotional blackmail" but the thought of "What if I walk away and then I get that dreadful phone call" is a scary and realistic consequence of walking away.

  • No.

    If he's telling you that, tell his family that you are cutting contact with him and they should be monitoring him if there's any concern that he's serious.

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  • Some people need more time to break up than others. Tell him that you guys are breaking up and use gentle words. Hand hold him through it if you want. He has your attention but nothing sexual. Or you can make a clean cut and put him through a whirlwind of depression, in which he will grow from over time.

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    • We broke up about two weeks ago and are currently about our hours apart (I'm at school).

    • Just be mature about it. He's only saying those things because of how much he cares for you. If you care about him at all as a person, you shouldn't cut him off 100% because that can be disheartening. Let him know that you can talk with him once in awhile but you want to experience different things, and therefore you cannot be with him.

  • No. Tell his family that he's telling you this, and that you're cutting contact, and they need to keep an eye on him. If it's possible in your state, you/they might be able to have him involuntarily committed for observation and mental evaluation.

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  • No, you're not obligated to do anything you don't want to do but you should be a friend and keep an eye on him. Check on him daily and make sure he's doing OK because while suicide is nothing to take lightly, he could be just talking because he is so hurt. I do applaud you for asking this question though because it seems as though you really care about him.

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What Girls Said 3

  • What do you want? Focus on that.

    Some folks are very manipulative at times. [ Might be irrelevant but my mom is one to handle these situations in a very nonchalant manner. My mom would say "Well baby, you're just going to have to kill yourself and see what it's like. ( She wouldn't take it to a serious level, sympathize or try to empathize.)] lol

    Anyway, no you're not morally obligated to date him because moral obligation is to be obligated to do something out of consideration of right and wrong. When you chose to date or not date someone, there is no right or wrong, if anyone's wrong it's him because he's manipulating by saying " ohhh, if you don't date me I'm going to kill myself. You're 7 mins. late, I'm suspecting you're not coming, I'm driving up the bridge now to jump off." No

    I'm not trying to be insensitive but he has issues, I wouldn't be doing anything with him, he's crazy to have even said this.

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  • i feel if he was going to kill himself he would sounds like a very sad attempt to keep you in his life iv ben there had someone controle me in fear they would do something like that but eventually you might haved to call there bluffs.and say that ask him "you if you really want to give up on life because of me "?then I might be forced to take action he may need help!dont stay with someone because you feel bad that isn't benificial at all do what you haved to do maybe he sounds like a threat to himself and he will always be unfortunatlly it sounds like a form of manupulation you shouldn't haved to deal with that!i was fortunate because he was caught riding dirty and got put in jail and maybe in your case you need to take action I was a coward!

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  • Do NOT let him do that to you.. If he kills himself it is NOT YOUR FAULT. Don't ever think that! I can't stress that enough. This is his way of manipulating you and trapping you into being unhappy. You need to stay strong and do what you want to do!

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