Why do nice guys not succeed in dating you? Girls?

Just give out your ideas on why nice guys don't succeed in dating you?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I read this from a different answer and I think it hit it right on the head. So I'll try to relay it to you.

    "Bad boys" possess 90% of the characteristics the girl usually looks for. Strong, confident, charismatic, lots of friends, attractive.

    "Nice guys" typically possess less than this. say, 15%. They're nice, but timid, shy, tend not to be as physically attractive, (I say tend, because I've met some drop dead sexy nice guys) and they have this issue with their ego. They always complain about how girls like bad boys and that reflects poorly on them. They come off as bitter and hateful. And a lot of the nice guys out there channel their bitterness towards females, thus driving them into the hands of the "bad boys." Girls aren't going to want to date someone who says that all women are evil and mean and manipulative.

    If that didn't make sense, let's compare this to cars. Say you find a really nice car that has everything you like, the color of the body, it runs nice, looks awesome, the exact make and model you've been looking for...but its interior is a different color than what you were looking for.

    Now you see another car with the interior color you were looking for, but the engine is shot, the body's beat up, its paint is chipping and not the right color, it doesn't have tires, and it's not even the kind you want. Basically everything about it except the interior is bad.

    Which would you choose? The nice one with the different color interior? Or the crappy one with the right interior? You'd chose the nice one with the different color interior. Girls are the same way. We'd rather get 90% of perfect and have to deal with 10% of not than get 85% of not and have to make do with 15% of perfect...

    Sorry if that's shallow, but it's true.

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    • I like this answer. Shows intelligence.

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    • Thanks for BA, even though I can't take credit! : -P

    • aw crap...sorry...wrong question -_-

What Girls Said 7

  • As I commented on another answer, there's a difference between being a "nice" guy and a *passive* guy. My boyfriend is a nice guy. He treats people well, is well-liked by almost everyone, respects and appreciates his family...but he's not passive. I was friends with him for 2 years, but never put him in the "friend zone" for being a "nice guy"...I didn't put him in the friend zone because he was assertive (heavy flirting and sexual comments while still being nice) and made it known to me that he was very attracted to me. He's actually an insecure guy, but didn't show it in his confidence.

    At the same time, another guy friend of mine I've known for 3 years also had interest in me, but didn't make it explicitly known by flirting with me the way my now-bf did. He was passive and is also an insecure guy, but wasn't confident and you could see his insecurity.

    I'm not sure if I explained that well enough to make sense, but the difference between a "nice guy" that gets the girl and "nice guy" that doesn't get the girl is in their assertiveness and confidence (even if it's faked).

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    • I agree. I'm nice but I'm kind of passive, and passiveness usually (not always) accompanies niceness though.

  • So tired of guys who are overly shy and awkward trying to sell the "i am nice" story. If a dude is boring as hell, he is boring.

    Stop owning the word " nice" for everyone who does nothing but stare, smile or talk back a few words when talked to. It is NOT about nice or not, these so called " nice guys" who aren't succeeding dating aren't getting any FOR ANOTHER REASON.

    I know plently of guys id date that are nice and attractive, and I know the ones that are attractive and jerks. I know unattractive people that are jerks, and handsome men that are nice ( usually having a girlfriend or playing around).

    NICE has nothing to do with not being able to date somebody.

    If anyone tries to sell me that they can't get a girl cos they are too nice, it's bullsh*t. Honestly, it is.

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    • "aren't getting any FOR ANOTHER REASON."

      What reason is that?

    • Any other reason. Depends on the person. But not cos of being " nice"

    • This isn't really an answer. This question is a good one, and if we let our misunderstandings or beliefs get in the way of answering, then we're not really getting to the point.

  • I think it depends on one's definition of "nice guy". There probably are a lot more things to it you know... like if he just isn't assertive enough and let me know what he wants. I don't know, it depends... its subjective... What's your definition of a "nice guy"?

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    • Just go with your definition.

    • Well the ones that I've met had just that problem. They were great guys but weren't assertive enough to the point where I didn't know what they wanted. Maybe they were just more shy, and there are probably nice guys that aren't that way I just haven't met one yet lol. I actually don't mind the whole "nice guy" thing as long as he doesn't have a problem communicating openly and honestly. At least for me I just look for certain things in a man, whether he's a "nice guy" or not I don't really care

  • It's all biology. Women are genetically predisposed to seek out a partner who they think can protect them, who are masculine enough to charm her but beat of other people. Not our fault, its how women are made, it is kinda like how men are attracted to women with wder hips and fuller breast because it is a sign of fertility.

    You can still be a nice guy, just don't act like a wimp or you will lose every woman you date

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  • Most "nice guys" tend to be false or just a bomb waiting to explode and yell at everyone.

    Dated a nice guy and it didn't last long because I was being nice too and yet he made me feel dominate to the whole relationship and not in a good way. Some guys just need to be themselves

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    • "yet he made me feel dominate to the whole relationship and not in a good way"

      What do you mean?

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    • lol we are talking about you not me here.

    • Well how do you know he wasn't being himself?

  • Because they agree with everything I say and offer no interest or excitement for me.

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  • Lies. They can if they try and they are truly nice. =P

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What Guys Said 3

  • Let's build a totem pole:

    1. Nice and interesting. (Best results with the ladies)

    2. Jerk and interesting.

    3. Nice and boring.

    4. Jerk and boring. (Worst results with the ladies)

    A lot of the nice guys you're describing are in slot number 3. Slot number one isn't all that common, so slot number 2 APPEARS to get the best results because of the sheer volume of guys in that slot. Guys in slot number 3 see guys in slot number 2 getting girls, and believe that slot number 2 is the top of the totem pole. When trying to understand why, rather than looking at their faults, they blame it on the girls. "I'm just too good of a person for her." "Girls only like jerks, I'm just too nice."

    They think that being nice is the problem. In actuality, it's the "boring" part that is holding them back. They think that becoming a jerk would put them at the top of the totem pole, when it when actually put them on the bottom. They need to work on self improvement. Becoming more interesting and fun to be around. Doing this will put them higher on the totem pole and they WILL get girls.

    That describes GENUINELY nice guys, though. People in slot 4 usually get NO girls. Often times they will believe that they are in slot 3. "Well, I'm not a player (largely due to lack of ability to become one), and I'm a virgin! I must be a nice guy then!" A large portion of the "nice guys" on this site are like this. They post some of the most rude, hateful, bitter things I have ever seen about the opposite gender, then claim to be nice guys.

    Sorry of the whole "totem pole" and "slot numbers" things is confusing.

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  • Nice guys usually have better morals, and are more kind, empathic, etc. They are more likely to give unconditional love, meaning they will love no matter what. They are less likely to get angry, and they try to be nice people. There's nothing wrong with that. But nice guys are possibly so because they're more shy and not as assertive, so they find it harder to stand up for themselves when they're being threatened.

    The fact that they don't succeed as much is not the issue actually. They won't succeed as much in dating because they have higher standards. When the finally find a nice girl with high standards and good values, then they're very likely to stay in a long-term relationship compared to bad boys, regular people, etc.

    Let it be known though, that nice guys are nice guys if they believe in helping others, being nice, etc. If someone says he is a nice guy, it doesn't necessarily mean he is.

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    • I don't agree with kheserthorpe. I'm trying to be a good person, and that's why I'll appear like a nice guy. I try to give unconditional love. Good qualities used to be admired back then.

  • www.nomoremrniceguy.com

    Interesting book. Not about how to stop being nice, on the contrary, its about how to not be a 'nice guy'. Nice guys are in fact passive aggressive, spineless and manipulative. What's sad is they honestly are trying to do the 'right' thing.

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