I refuse to date a woman with children. Is this mean or justified?

The past couple of days I have been ridiculed for rejecting a date with a beautiful woman since she has a kid. I'm looking for a lasting relationship, and for that to happen I feel that I would have to be a "father" to the child. At least in some degree. I don't want children at this point of my life.

I'm a new business owner and that requires time and effort. I don't see how I could have a proper courtship period with a mother. Being a parent requires even more time than a business. Rigorous planning would have to take place for me to date a mother. Therefore, spontaneity is dead.

I have had the opportunity to have children of my own. I knew that I wanted to have a business. That is why I didn't. If I wanted a child, I wouldn't have practiced safe sex to the extent that I did.( because and condoms before every time) Justified or mean?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is neither justified nor mean. It is your personal choice and considering dating and mating is all about our personal choices, this is fine.

    I will say you are over-thinking this and I say this because you sound like me. I pre-conceive every possible problem that could come up in any scenario. I like planning and being aware of potential problems but I have also come to realize that I have narrowed my options because I was really convinced that something was more of a problem that it had to be.

    So, you say you "don't see how I could have a proper courtship period with a mother." That is right, you don't see it, but doesn't mean it couldn't happen. I am a mother and I take 100% responsibility for my daughter, she has a great father who shares custody 50/50, so no man I ever dated nor my husband have any work involved in her care. I realize that not all single moms fall into that situation.

    As far as spontaneity, the weeks that your paramour does not have her child you can be spontaneous, but you are a business owner, so you must already be quite comfortable with restrictions on spontaneity. Owning a business is like caring for a half dozen kids just without the whining. I would say a good number of single moms do not require rigorous planning to date.

    I don't see you dating a woman who has 100% custody or issues with her ex that disrupt her life or a woman with more than one child. I also don't see you dating a needy woman, whether she is a mother or not. You sound like you need a woman who can care for herself and her needs to give you the time to run your business.

    Again, date who you please, but you just never know, you might end up falling for a gal with a child.

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What Girls Said 9

  • If that is "mean" then anyone who has ever said no to a date for any reason is also mean.

    You don't want kids in your relationship. That is fine.

    I want nothing to do with kids either...

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  • Justified. You have valid reasons, clearly considered the situation and didn't get anyone's hopes up. Really, that is one of the most carefully thought out reasonings I have read in a while.

    We're all allowed to have certain deal-breakers. I have my own, I can't date someone that doesn't understand farming.

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  • I think it's perfectly ok! When you add kids to the mix the emotional level goes but because your not just dealing with the relationship between the 2 of you but also between you and the kids!I am now on the same page as you I don't date those with kids only because I don't want to hurt them! I figure if both of you have kids, go for it!

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  • I know what it takes to be a mother. She would have to put her child first. Planning ahead is the smartest thing you can do. My children are 22 and 24. They are both in serious relationships. My daughter has no plans to ever have any children. My son says it would have to be way in the future. My daughter made it very clear to her fiance that she never wants kids. He feels the same way. They are concentrating on their careers, which I do not blame them. Just always be honest about the way you feel. I think that is all a woman can ask of you.

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  • If you don't have any kids then I can understand why you wouldn't want to date a woman with kids. As long as you didn't diss her and act really rude about it when you turned her down, then its not mean

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  • Both.

    It's definitely understandable to reject a person with a kid. It's a lot of work and it's a hard commitment. And if you don't want children then you're not doing the woman or the kid any favors by dating her.

    However, it really sucks for her. Single mothers often get rejected because they have children and a lot of them are insecure because of it. I hope you let her down easily.

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  • In my opinion, it's better that you dump them, rather than try and lead them on. If you're not ready for kids, you're not ready for kids.

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  • Justified. Its your choice but I will say this becareful. Life is a funny thing and you just might find that the woman of your dreams already has a kid

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  • I fail to see how that could be interpreted as mean, it's completely justified.

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What Guys Said 13

  • Justified. My good friend dated a girl with a child. There are many problems. The child won't listen & tell you "your not my father" & she also told him " This is my child & it's between me & it's Father"

    It's a lose, lose.

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  • You have nothing to justify. That is your choice. You are a grown man. Do what pleases you. Just take responsibility for your actions. If you don't like chocolate ice cream, who am I to force you to like it, or eat it for that matter,let alone anyone else? Whether it is mean or not is perspective-opinion. What value does opinion have outside peer pressure and "acceptance"?

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    • I made my decision and I stand behind it. I was just wanting to see the perceptions of a wider crowd.

  • You've thought about your reasoning and yours is justified. I'm 30, and just finished college and looking into my career in the video game industry. I prefer women without children because I won't have the time. Many look at me like I'm the bad guy but I don't care what others think on this point. Everyone has their type of person they want to share their lives with. But, if that right person comes along and I'm floored by who she is then putting the extra time will be worth it.

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  • Justified.

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  • Justified women are always turning down guys, who are not a 10, they also turn down guys who are not smart enough, tall enough etc.

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  • It's all up to you.

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  • Justified, I'm the same way.

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  • rarely do good things come from ovethinking a situation

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  • if you were not her boyfriend / you were still single when you rejected her, then its not wrong.

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  • Absolutely justified.

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  • That's completely reasonable & justified.

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  • Justified...I was the same way...(:(:(:

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  • justified all the way.

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