Is it love or control?

So I am 21 dating an 18 year old. He was pretty manipulative at first like he did not tell me he was 18 and would literally tell me anything to get me to come hang out with him. He seems to be moving very fast. After two months of talking or dating you could say, he wanted me to go to his family's beach house in another state as his girlfriend. So I went, but some time after, when he was going through his photos on his laptop, I happened to see him with two other girls that he had taken to that beach house (at separate times). To me it seemed like he could not handle being alone and just manipulated me into going there to make himself feel better. He did start to say I love you after 3 months, which I was not ready to say, it seemed clingy to me. It has now been 6 months of us being together and he is just always jealous of what I do like every little thing, but he can never put himself in my shoes. I was pretty pissed when I saw that he still had pictures of his ex from a year ago on his laptop labeled "she's a dumb bitch." Well I feel like he can be controlling by how he always tells me his undying love for me like everyday. Maybe he really is in love with me, but I can't help but feel he is immature and that he is confused about what love is. I should add that he finished high school in three years and is more mature than other guys his age, but he still has his moments. What is anyone's take on this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • first of all finishing high school in 3 years doesn't mean that he's mature. and then from what you've said and as you mentioned it yourself, he is totally immature and doesn't know what he wants and what he feels. in addition and at the same time today guys at this age are not total innocent. they know how to lie and how to play to get the girls to bedroom. so this guy too is a mixture of both( like all the teenagers ). he takes an illusion and lust as love and at the same time he craves for girl's body.

    • Yes I understand what you are saying. By more mature for his age it wasn't necessarily just because he graduated early but just how he would rather hang out with me than party with his friends, which they try to pressure him into all the time. And he says he wants nothing more than to make me happy. He plans little trips for us and takes me to dinner a couple times a week because he says I deserve to be treated like a queen. But yes I do agree that he is confused by what love really is.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Book smart... not necessarily girl smart. He's definitely insecure and I have sincere doubts as to whether he actually knows what love is. He's just thinking with his p*nis which is normal for that age. Either ride out the wave (and it's gonna be a very long wave) or let him down easy cause he has a lot of growing up to do.


What Girls Said 2

  • You didn't ask this but...(in my opinion) he needs to sit his funkya** down somewhere..point, blank.

    He still has a'lot' of growing up to do, especially for him to have a picture labeled " She's a dumb bi***", just no.

    I was in a relationship quite similar, shortly after getting into the relationship I calculated in my mind that the guy I was with was actually afraid of being alone, just 'had' to be in a relationship. The only way these people feel better about themselves is to have someone along with them.

    Underneath it all, cut to the chase, dig up the grave.

    It's control, he doesn't know what he wants and his actions prove this, it isn't love.

    Can it develop overtime? Sure but as of now, it ain't happnin' captain.

  • i don't think it's just lust keeping him near you. that's definitely part of it, but six months is a long time for a penis to stick around with one girl, wether she gives it up or not. that said, he still has a lot of emotional issues, and sounds hard to date-- but I'm not going to tell you to leave him, because that's something your own heart has to decide.

    honestly, I think there's going to be some amount of bullsh*t in every relationship, and you've got to decide how much you're willing to put up with. this includes how much emotional distress he puts you through and if you can bear having it for long amounts of time. if he stays within your bullsh*t limit, might as well keep him around. if he exceeds it, you'll want to think about leaving soon.