Why can't I find a boyfriend? :(

Where can I possibly meet my soulmate?! There are guys who like me, but I don't like them because I don't go after younger/immature guys. Guys who I have liked turned out being a player or couldn't decide which girl he wants. I'm not the type to like shopping malls or material goods, but the kind that loves nature, life, and don't mind getting my hands dirty. I dress according to the occassion, keep a decent face with minimal make up...

So where is that one guy for me? Surely I'm not some alien girl from outer space! I can promise that. I don't want to date guys who just want the latest technology and have no concept of saving for the future. I don't want to just date for the sake of dating or the so called 'experience'. But most guys I have met are like that! I am pretty much set on being forever alone but I'm asking just in case there might be some hope for me x.x...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you get lucky and meet people you may like as you live life. If your expectations are really high you may have more trouble finding people obviously. A lot of people are players, especially when young. I think a lot of people you meet may not like you back because just like how you are trying to find the right person they are comparing you to other potential girls. I guess a lot of people are trying to get the best they can.

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What Guys Said 13

  • Don't overeact so much! Being set on being forever alone doesn't help your case. I've dated numerous girls in the past 4 years and none of them were girlfriend material (except 1). Yea it was frustrating but it took me a lot and a long time to find that one girl that was worthy enough to be my girlfriend because I don't just want any girl, much like you don't just want any guy. Patience is crucial for folks like us. You've got to live your life, do what makes you happy, work towards goals, and stop fixating on your "inability" to find your soul mate! Soul mates come to you when you least expect it.

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    • I agree totally love this answer

    • I agree! And I am definitely doing things that make me happy :). But now I am at the point where I want to share my happiness with my soul mate too. Guess that will have to wait until that day comes around lol.

    • Hang in there Michie. I'm definetely going through thebsame thing you're going through. I dated a lot of girls in college but the grand majority were really immature and into a lot of things I wasn't into. I'd love to be in a relationship with a girl I love right now, but that girl hasn't come into my life yet. The best we can do is continue to remain true to ourselves and enjoy life. It gets frustrating and takes tremendous patience but its worth it in the end. Hang in there pleaseee :)

  • What's wrong with being from outer space? Leela from Futurama is from outerspace and she's plenty attractive.

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    • Even when she had that singing boil on her ass? heehee

    • Nothing is wrong, but it makes it difficult when in comes to communication and what each values :(

  • "Where can I possibly meet my soulmate?! "

    That's your first stumbling block.

    "Surely I'm not some alien girl from outer space!"

    You sounded great until you said that. Unless you are an alien just trying to play it cool with the humans. It's OK, you can tell me.

    also this:

    "There are guys who like me, but I don't like them"

    and this:

    "Guys who I have liked turned out being a player or couldn't decide which girl he wants."

    Doesn't that mean: I like some guys at first, but then I realize I really don't.

    So that means you can be wrong in the beginning. Dismissing guys who like you without followup is setting yourself up for failure. What if you're wrong about them?

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    • Thing is I don't dismiss them but give them a chance anyway. I went on a 'date' with one of them only to get interrogated about my family and very personal life the entire time. The other one was too chicken and got his friends to try to pressure me into getting together with him. I don't think I'm wrong about them.

    • The immature guy sample was 2 guys?

      Any more?

      What about the player guys? How many of them?

    • You're an interesting earthling.

  • "There are guys who like me, but I don't like them because I don't go after younger/immature guys."

    How old are the guys you usually "go for", QA?

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    • Not over three years older than me. Otherwise we would be in different generations. And since I am in my early 20s, guys who are younger are already too young! But of course, this is just a guideline that id rather stick to, but not necessarily a must.

  • Well it sounds like you're only interested in players right now.. You shouldn't be looking for a soul-mate, that's like everyone over-hyping the sh*t out of The Hunger Games movie, it didn't live up to the book.

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    • Whats the problem with looking for a soulmate, as opposed to a player who just wants you for their own entertainment / live toy? I don't want to be just a live toy simply for someone's pleasure.

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    • I guess but life is honestly easier if you "don't give a f***" and just kind of stop worrying so much about it. Most guys I know lie out their ass and the ones who don't are friend zoned lol. Also you'll find one much faster by asking the guys out, where you find one is up to you.

    • Yeah I do think I worry too much sometimes. The last guy I liked I did ask him out and got friend zoned. Well at least I thought so but a friend thought it was mutual... Hmmm. But anyway yeah I need to worry less. And you know what, I personally find a guy more attractive if he entrustd me with his weaknesss lol... of course he can't be pure weakness, or then like you said theyll end up in the friend zone!

  • Just go have fun, and your Boyfriend will pop up when you least expect it. Patience is hard.

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    • Indeed it is! But yes, I am definitely having fun at the same time :)

  • dnt be in a rush and no need to be sad...Firstly wen the time comes you will surely meet him but if you will be in a haste you may land up with a wrong guy ...secondly in this life there are more important things to worry

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    • Thanks. I definitely don't want to rush for things like this. Its just that seeing people my age getting married already... Sometimes makes me wonder whether I'm doing something terribly wrong that I haven't noticed myself.

  • yes..not an easy process...for any of us..but you are asking me..yes..I believe you will find your soulmate...or at least one of them...(:(:(:

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    • Thanks :). I know he has to be out there somewhere, but where is he? Fate, lemme meet him, please!

  • I'd say the online world may be the best. If not then it's the bar or clubs. You can try meetup.com. Few of my friends have found their boos with similar interests. Maybe a college club. The key is to be social. You get out what you put in.

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    • I am very social, but bars and clubs are just not my thing. The kinds of guys there are exactly the kind that are into the iPhones, etc., as opposed to appreciating what's in the wild. Online world .. I prefer to keep it separate from real world, since real world is already risky enough.

  • You sound like the girl version on me. Like almost word for word it's crazy! Well, just the opposite way because I can't find a girlfriend haha. Just curious...where are you from? It'd be funny if we live close together also ;)

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    • Haha that would be funny if that were the case! If we really live close together, it would be like "hey, aren't you that person from GAG?!" Haha

    • Haha well I'm from MN. What about you?!

  • at least you've had a boyfriend before, have been in a relationship before, which is what I assume, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

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    • Nope, never lol. I refuse to be with just any guy so I can have a boyfriend. I have lost a lot in the past so I don't know if I can afford a loss from a loved one. Maybe this is why I find it so difficult to find a boyfriend. I get overprotective of myself... But emotional pain is VERY painful and I want to avoid that if I can. I put myself in a dilemma, argh.

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    • yeah obviously that makes sense but that's not where I'm getting at, since most girls are old-fashioned and feel it is the guys job to make the first move, initiate things, social-awkwardness, shyness, it makes it clumsy for guys

    • how old are you?

  • Mature guys your age tend to be players.

    The guys who really want a relationship when young are often needy.

    Guys who are confident, don't need a partner and are exploring life in a mature way ... don't need to hurry to settle down, and generally don't, until they want to have kids.

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    • Not necessarily...the opposite for each statement can easily be counter-argued

    • But they wouldn't be players if they are mature. And if they are needy, that is just immature. 'Settling down' sounds horrible. It is like you have to confine yourself to something. The kind of soul mate I am looking for is one who likes to explore life with me, constantly learning something together, including learning how to raise children together. I certainly don't see children as anything to confine my life!

    • A lot of guys want that, but the majority if the 'non needy' ones aren't looking for that till mid 30's and see little reason to be deeply committed to a woman before that point. Thus they are 'players' not in the sense women tend to think 'lying and manipulative' just in terms of going through a lot of women casually.

  • Elanor Roosevelt once said that happiness is not a goal, but merely a byproduct.

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    • I agree with Roosevelt. I am not unhappy now. And if I do end up not meeting the one guy, I will be happy in other ways too. I just feel like he is somewhere out there, you know? I want to find him, and be complete together. Cheesy I know. Our girl hormones make us dream too much sometimes haha

What Girls Said 1

  • Glad to see I'm not the only one who feels like this! Anyway, I just occupy myself with my studies and friends to keep me from thinking about being "forever alone." If those don't work, I listen to music and/or draw. I guess just find things you enjoy that can distract you from those type of thoughts. Sorry I can't be of much help, but just know that you are not alone. I promise. :)

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