What is the point of dating?

I have never been in a relationship or dated but from what I see from 90% of my peers it seems banal. You're "together" with someone and then after some period of time you break apart. It seems so superficial and shallow. I can't understand why even be in a relationship in the first place if two people will leave each other so easily. I can't describe how disgusting this behavior seems to me. TO me a relationship is so important and special that I haven't even found a girl to start one with yet, and yet peers all around me are rushing in and out of flings. Why?

Updates:
I think I should perhaps clarify some things. I know that there is a difference between dating and relationships and I am sorry I didn't make that clearer. Also I am not against relationships but I think the seemingly senseless relationships I see around me are a waste of time. I don't know what happens in every relationship but in a lot of the ones I see so far it just seems like people get together and it looks so cuddly and then they just break up. It was like the relationship never had any
meaning in the first place. Why do people even get into stuff like that if it breaks so easily? To feel the cheap shallow thrill of being with a guy or a girl even though you may not want them deep down? To find some solace against the drain of loneliness and lust? What happened to finding soul mates, marriage, and love rather than rushing into flings to abate the loneliness? It has happened to too many of my friends for me to not feel disgust anymore.

I can see how dating help people decide.
I'm not against dating so long as it is purposeful, I just don't understand the casual relationships that happen.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guess what, we're all gonna be dead 'after some period of time'.

    Either you care about things that happen between now and then, or not.

    Apparently relationships are so special to you you don't have them, and imagine some how you'll pull off having a good one with 'that right special girl' in spite of the fact you have no experience with them.

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    • I would rather never have a relationship rather than senselessly stepping in and out of them. I care about my life so much that I would hate to waste it on just "some girl".

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    • I set this as best answer because although I think my point of view is pretty valid you made me see some pitfalls in my thinking. You gave an answer that challenges me to grow rather than be content with what I am now. SO yeah thanks

    • Hey, I hope your first serious relationship works out great.

      Friendships that turn into relationships are quite rare, and no guarantee of success. The stakes are much lower in a friendship - the needs you expect one another to meet are way lower and not 'unique' to that other person. So you can be great friends, then date them and find them to be very selfish, or needy, or crazy or whatever.

What Girls Said 8

  • Some people don't take relationships seriously. They're just in it for the fun and then when they both feel it's gotten boring, they break it off.

    Others that do take them seriously just want to be happy and in return make the other person happy. Yet, eventually, people change. Sometimes that means that they grow apart, which is what leads to break ups. Or they see the person in a new and not-so-flattering light and are no longer happy being with them.

    Then there are the really amazing relationships that stand the test of time. One's that involve people who grow together and learn to love everything about each other. I can't wait until I have one of those relationships :)

    I'd like to think the one I'm in now is like that :)

    Good luck finding that special girl :)

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    • thank you. I hope I can come close to deserving her.

    • aw :)

      Well if she's right for you I'm sure she'll think you're more than worthy :)

  • you don't need to rush it. I never rushed it. I didn't date till in the middle of my university degree. I never dated in high school and didn't need that drama. I'm happy with the guy I want to marry now. so...I kind of get what you're saying. I woudn't rush it either. I would rather invest my time and emotions in someone who's worth it.

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  • People are supposed to date if they see a potential person to become married to someday...at least that was how it used to be, until people became more obsessed with sex and with what their friends would think of them if they didn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend (worried about coming off as a 'loser' or as 'anti-social', or "unappealing"). People are also eager to have a boyfriend/girlfriend because they think that finding someone to 'love' and to be 'loved' by would make life a whole lot meaningful and happier, many of these people don't even know what it means to love someone, and often they put the word 'love' in place of infatuation or lust.

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  • I guess it's to be able to have those feelings of lust and attachment. They are great feelings and people seek them perpetually

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  • For most people these days, it's so that they can have someone to f*Ck.

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  • i have the exact same of view of dating as you. I don't see the point of dating unless it could potentially end in marriage

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    • But if you don't get to know a person and develop a romantic relationship how could you know if the relationship can end in marriage.?

    • i obviously wouldn't know if the relationship would end in marriage. I just believe in dating people who have similar values in them that I want in someone I marry and taking the relationship seriously, not just dating any random person I like if that makes sense.

  • Just experiences I suppose. For reasons of the body I would say, people get these urges to couple up with another human. We are just social creatures that way I guess.

    I'm with you though, I just want to find the right guy who's actually worth my full hearted investment and stick with him until the end. All the casual dating, having to be with someone - eh...not for me. I'm 19 but if I honestly met the best guy for me, I'm at a point where I could literally settle down and get married no problem. None of this frivalous bull crap, though some people do need it though to understand what they really want and need in a partner. I think I have a pretty solid idea thus far, just waiting to run into the guy to concrete them for me...

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  • Well you have one of two choices: date or be alone forever. The perfect person doesn't just come into your life right off the bat, you gotta do some searching.

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    • I agree but I think it seems more meaningful to do the searching before the dating, rather than dating randomly which seems shallow I think.

    • Well yes. But if you realize you aren't compatible then it's no good to stay together. But I think I see what you're getting at. I typically don't care for serial daters or "players" who either date multiple people at once and are deceitful about it or just jump from one person to the next in a short amount of time, especially if they are sleeping with all said people. Those types I don't have respect for.

What Guys Said 4

  • It depends on what you define as "dating"; it seems to me that you're using it as a synonym for a relationship, when "dating" really means something else entirely.

    The point of dating is (or at least, used to be) to give you and the other person time to get to know each other and see if you are compatible and are still interested in each other after you've gotten to know each other better. Dating is supposed to be a PROCESS, and in some ways a FILTER, and it should be expected and understood that many people you DATE aren't going to work out to become a RELATIONSHIP, either because of lack of interest/passion, or because of an incompatibility that gets discovered in the dating process. The goal of dating is to eliminate the unsuitable partners and establish relationships with the ones you are compatible with.

    But this formalized process has been largely bypassed by a big percentage of the population, who seem to want to go from "Hello, my name is..." to a relationship (or sex) almost instantly. And yet people wonder why so many relationships don't work out or become nightmares. The dating process had a purpose, and that purpose is still largely necessary. The fact that so many people skip it doesn't mean that skipping it is a good idea, it just means that most people are selfish and lack patience and discipline. Yes, I'm older than most folks here, but this was still true when I was in HS and college, with the same poor results.

    If you don't want a relationship, that's fine, but until you've had a great, supportive partner, you have no idea what you are missing.

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    • I want a meaningful relationship. Not the flippant ones I see around me.

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    • Right, but if you don't date, and use dating as a vetting process, how do you hope to have a meaningful relationship? Without an effective way to filter out the people who aren't compatible with you, you'll either have relationships that don't work, or no relationships at all, unless you just get exceptionally lucky. No successful person that I know of counts on luck to succeed; they know they have to put in the time and effort (and in a smart, focused way) to make something happen for them.

    • I guess you're right. Perhaps I should try out dating though in a meaningful and purposeful way.

  • The point of dating is getting to know the other person, if you go out on a date that doesn't mean you are already in a relationship you're just getting to know the other person.

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    • I think people can get to know each other as friends first. When someone is in a relationship I think it is a shame if they break from it so easily

    • yea that's what I'm saying, just because you go out on a date it does not mean you are in a relationship already, it just dating or if you wanna call it going out as friends, yo are fieds getting to know each other.

  • Dating is getting to know people so you can find that person...why do you see dating as a chore instead of something fun?

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    • I do not see it as a chore. A lot of the dating I see around me, however, seems senseless. Over the summer at least three of my friends broke up with their significant other. Almost everyone around me seems to be stepping into and out of relationships. I can't even imagine how shallow I would have to be to engage in a relationship that flippantly. If I had a girlfriend and broke up with her in a year or so I would be hugely ashamed of myself

  • i guess it's instinct

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