To all the ladies who date married or taken men, please explain something to me.

So explain something to me. Why do you do it? Good god, why? Why do you go out, date a guy who, you know full well, has someone else. Either he's married, or is in a "committed" relationship with some other girl, and either you know full well before hand or you find out sooner or later. So why do you do it?

Like first of all, why do women go after these guys that they know are taken in the first place? Or for the other group, when you find out he's taken, why in the name of sweet f***, don't you leave? Is it a self esteem issue? A lack of self respect? What? Oh, and for a third group (which I think is just a subgroup of group A) why the hell do so many girls seem to throw themselves at married guys? Somebody explain this stuff to me because I for one, plainly, simply, completely, do not get it.

Oh and for anyone who wants to yell at me, yes, I know not all women are like this, I am looking for answers to understand why those who do, do what they do.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i dated this guy casually and he told me he didn't have a girlfriend. he brought up past relationships and said he wasn't in one now. but then little fishy things about his behavior made me think he did so it didn't take long before I stopped dating him and I never slept with him. I never knew for certain and I still am not sure he has a girlfriend.

    it wasn't so easy to leave though. I never knew for sure, I just suspected, but that was enough to push me away.

    i guess even when you do know, it is hard. I can't speak for getting involved AFTER already knowing.

    but if you find out later and he denies it and tells you he doesn't have a wife or girlfriend and you like him, you just want to believe him so badly if you liked him a lot so you tell yourself he is the one you should believe.

    plus if he pursued you actively he obviously does not care about his commitment too much. it doesn't mean he should dump her for you and he would likely repeat this behavior. but I can see why a woman would say "not my problem, he kept coming after me and I don't know her anyway"

    but I can't talk for women who pursue men they know are taken and initiate the relationship. because to me that doesn't make sense.

    i do think it is different when you really honestly thought he was free game when you became involved with him especially if it was long term and he is the one who kept chasing you. because once you are involved with anyone for a while walking away is not so simple.

    i also don't know if you should leave if he claims he is single and nobody you know can tell you if he has a girlfriend but he insists he doesn't and his behaviors point to "possibly but not for sure" because then if he doesn't you are a suspicious bitch.

    but if a guy tells me straight up "ok I lied I do have a girlfriend" I don't think I could face him anymore.

    but I don't know because that never happened to me. I just do know that life isn't black and white and it's hard to learn that the person you thought you were with is actually someone completely different. maybe these women are in denial and it's not so easy. doesn't make them bad people, just human.

    life isn't so black and white and the older I get the more I learn so it is very easy to judge people but you aren't in their shoes so maybe you shouldn't, just a thought. if judging people wasn't your intent in this question I apologize but that is how you come off.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Not sure, maybe they feel he's the only suitable man for them because he's demonstrated a capacity to love and care for his family since he's married.

    I asked one girl this on here and she pretty much was like, " Not my wife...not my problem."

    All I could do was shake ma head.

    People have an affinity for wanting what they can't have at times, and some women just feel a married man is the way to go. There are others whom do it just because they get some thrill from taking another woman's lover away. One of my friends did this and would brag about how she was sexier, cuter and this and that than the other chick the guy was originally with.

    Again, just shakin ma head.

    I just feel that it's completely heartless and disrespectful, whether it's the married guy coming on to her, or vice versa. Have some common curtesy; relationships are already hard enough to obtain, let alone keep alive - no need to be the side temptation destined to trash everything another person has.

    Now I get if you get in that rare circumstance, in which another taken person is like your soul mate lol, it happens. Maybe it's your best friend's guy / girl and all of a sudden the two of you are falling sickishly in love for each other, perfect for each other, etc etc.

    Other than that - get your own man you lazy bltch.

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    • Soul mate please no exceptions

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    • Oh good. Someone who actually tried to answer the question instead of just criticizing blindly. Thank you for the input.

    • lol no prob :)

  • The only time I've come close to doing this is when this guy and I were flirting a lot for a long time, then I found out he had a girlfriend. Obviously I stopped.

    But let me tell you about my mom. She is hardcore emotionally involved with a guy who is married and has 3 kids. She's married to my dad as well, but it's an unhappy marriage because he's insensitive and neglecting. So she clings onto any guy who shows her the slightest bit of care because she's being "deprived" of it. Now she's so involved with this guy that she relies on him to make her feel special, because no one else does. As soon as she starts to feel bad about what she's doing, she pushes those thoughts away because she feels her needs are more important and she's "not REALLY hurting anyone." Clearly everyone in the situation sucks. So... that's just one story.

    I do know for a fact there are some girls who genuinely don't give a f*** about the guy's girlfriend or wife. I gradually distanced myself from one of my good friends after she started making out with a guy she knew had a girlfriend. All she had to say about it was, "He's the one who decided to cheat." I mean, I totally get that the guy has free will and made the decision, but why would you want to touch that douche with a 10 foot pole?

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  • A cheating married man or woman has the lowest of the lowest characters. The blame falls with the married perdon mainly.

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    • No, as Justme20 just said it, it takes two to cheat. Furthermore you did not answer the question.

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    • RE: below comment on your answer.

    • Smh 2 down votes? Realy? Junt me had it right too. If you are not getting it then I have no more to add. Please bring the down votes at least I sleep better at night.

  • I regretfully admit that I have done this. I will answer your questions as to WHY I did... but I can't be for certain this is for everyone else.

    I kind of worked with this bartender. I delivered for several places and his was one...so if there was a delivery from there I would get to see him for 15 mins. ANYWAYS... we started flirting I found out a little about him etc. I started to crush on him real hard and I added him on Facebook. I saw that it said in a relationship but the next day when I went to it that was gone... In my head I started to think hmmm over? done? hiding it from me? We continued to flirt all the time and we talked for awhile. invited me to the dog park and so I asked what he was doing for Valentine's day to see if he had a Girlfriend he said no he had to work... so did I. I said that sucked.. etc. He always talked about his exes. Then would I go to the bar off hours.. he would always give me free drinks. Eventually we kissed and hooked up. I had a HUGE crush and this was 5 months of flirting before anything ever happened. I was in deep by then. Then, I saw pictures popping up with the Girlfriend on his Facebook. I confronted him and asked do you still have a girlfriend? He told me they were over... they were trying to work it out but it wasn't going to happen. Well because I liked him and I thought he was really into me I could brush that off. I know how hard it is to let go of a broken relationship that is shakey.

    In my case, I kind of knew/had a feeling but I liked him so much and he seemed to like me too. I was blinded by my own emotions. The tipping point was bad. I went out to the bars with him and his coworkers and when he got up to get me a drink his coworkers asked why I liked him and that he has a Girlfriend and he cheats on her all the time and she's getting suspicious. When I heard that I was disgusted. I ended up making out with someone in front of him. He got mad at me. told me he really liked me etc. It actually made me feel bad...that a**hole.

    All in all, there are bad guys out there that can manipulate a girl to feel like they matter and that is how they play people. Good boyfriends and husbands WILL not fall for crap from another girl. I flirted with a guy once when he had a Girlfriend (I didn't know) he straight up told me to stop because he had a Girlfriend and its not fair to her. I have total respect for him for saying something. I can only hope my Boyfriend does that.

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  • why does a man who is in a commited relationship and fully knows he is with someone else yet still cheats on his woman with another woman? takes 2 to cheat

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    • You are wholeheartedly dodging the question. I know it takes two to cheat. How stupid do you think I am? But if you're not going to at leat try to answer the question, kindly take off.

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    • women cheat for multiple reasons. 1. the man lied claiming "notihing serious" so she goes into it thinking well he has a girlfriend but nothing to serious on both their parts, 2. the woman and man doesn't care and just go along with it. 3. attraction and thinking she can have him. Sane reasons why a man might cheat. Really no difference. people tell each other BS and play games all the time

    • There we go. Thanks for finally answering me.

  • Daddy issues, relationship issues. The list goes on. But the married men or men in committed relationships are equally involved no? Even if it was the women who sought them out.

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    • Yes they are. I never thought the weren't. It always takes two to cheat. But I don't sense any effort in your answer.

  • Ooooh this is like watching Jerry Springer...

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  • Kudos to you, I have to say, I haven't met that many guys who feel as you do or at least say it. Why do women do this? Who the hell knows? I doubt that they can or will truly tell you. The bottom line of it all is that they just don't care about people, no respect. They have no boundaries. They see it, they want it, they take it. They have a sense of entitlement. They cannot take "no" for an answer and do not see anything wrong with what they are doing. Now, if someone should do this to them...Oh, God! All hell would break lose. WWIII

    As for saying it's different if it's their "soul mate"...Oh please! Give me a break! And the girls who say they are just prettier & sexier than the women the husband/boyfriend is with. Forget that! Studies show that the majority of men cheat with women who are considerably more unattractive than their mates. The other woman is typically less than ordinary. Studies find that those are the typical women who go after married & taken men. Makes you go, Hmmm?

    I do think it takes 2 to cheat, and they do deserve each other. However, I have always felt that a woman should have more common sense about this because we, at least older women, have some sense of family. They should know what it will do to a family and should use more sense. Men should too, but they seem to think with their johnson's & common sense just flies out the window. Bottom line, it's just wrong. You end up with a cheater who will cheat on you.

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    • Disagree with her or not, so far, you and oOsweet~o~nessOo have the best answers here. Mainly because not only did you answer the question, you actually TRIED. Putting in effort!

What Guys Said 1

  • Because they don't care.

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    • Elaborate.

    • They don't care that they're being homewreckers, ruining relationships and the family dynamic.

    • I see...

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