Why does everyone get who they want, except me?

I used to so shy I wouldn't even talk or socialize, but over the past 4-5 years, I've worked on it and now I'm somewhat capable and realized that I can make people laugh, which has given me more confidence. I've also worked on my girl skills.

Anyway, I've asked out about 7 girls in my life and only gotten 2 yeses. In terms of looks and personality, it's been a broad spectrum. But I couldn't get beyond a first date for either one of them. And yet I see other guys just walk in and get the girl they want.

The worst part: now that I've been rejected so many times on the onset, I'm now automatically assuming that a girl I like won't be into me. It infected me with the date with second girl; I was excited for the date until I actually showed up for it and there was no flirty vibe at all, not like we had before, so basically I wrote it off 5 minutes in the date.

I also have found myself numb to emotions with girl. Maybe it's just me learning to close myself off and not invest too soon. Maybe it's something else.

Regardless, other guys can just walk in, flirt with a girl a bit, and get her. And me, I have to flirt with her a lot just to get her to even consider me and even that doesn't happen, they're just surprised when I ask them out. I mean, what do you expect me to do if I'm flirting and you're flirting back? I'm so discouraged that I just want to quit.

Updates:
It's like what, I'm not good enough to be with you? I can't be better than the last guy who broke your heart?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • most people don't get who they want on there first try , generally dating is pretty tough . I'd say your 2 yes to 5 no's isn't that bad . what I'd wonder about is why your 2 actual dates didn't lead anywhere . the girls must of not been as impressed is when your first asked them out or for some reason they weren't seeing a reason to date you .

    it leads me to wonder if you need to work on speaking skills when around girls or something isn't going right when your around them. but of course without actaully being there when this date went down its impossible to know what went wrong .

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    • to be honest, I wasn't that impressed with them either.

      Also, these 2 girls both didn't give me answers right away, which kind of soured the actual date because my interest fell a bit because I figured they weren't that into me.

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    • one thing that might help is talking to girls your age is less intense situations like say girl working at coffee shop or in a mall . some of those jobs where girls get paid to talk and be nice to people might help you get more familar with talking to girls . I don't know its an option . or you could talk to random girls on the bus or library or where ever you see them but about very light topics that don't focus on dating . either way lots of girls will talk to anyone for free

    • yeah, that's one of the ways I've been improving. Actually, it got to the point where I was too comfortable, hence why I had to cut back a bit and be a bit more mysterious. The only drawback to the last girl is that eventually she started talking about her ex, which kinda sucked and lowered my interest even further.

What Girls Said 2

  • A lot of people struggle to find the right person, not just you. Most people don't end up with their biggest crush, either. A few extremely attractive and charming people can do that, but most of us normal people have crushes and then end up with perfectly wonderful people that we meet along the way and fall for. Sometimes it takes some compromise or adjusting your expectations (not in a bad way... but you learn to prioritize what is important to you). Sometimes you meet someone who blows you away and you would have never imagined meeting. It's a wild world when it comes to romance.

    Nobody should invest too soon. You aren't emotionally warped, you're just gaining maturity. It's good to find out what someone is all about before expending a lot of emotional energy on them. Any other way is simply infatuation, and that wears off leaving people in lackluster situations.

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    • I have standards, but I think I need to adhere to them more. So far I've been sacrificing them for the sake of dating practice. The first girl who said yes to me I probably would've asked out anyway just to see, but the second girl who said yes I only asked her out because she seemed to respond to my humor, though I wasn't sure if I was attracted beyond that. And the date fizzled, maybe because I realized I don't really like her (hence infatuation).

    • Asking out just anyone isn't a great technique, either. What they always say in dating books is to have 3-4 "must haves" and then get to know people who meet these criteria to some degree.

  • Do you have a pic? I'll tell you the truth

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    • it's not my looks. I'm not good-looking, but not horrible. Pretty average. In fact, the first girl that agreed to go out with me, I'd say she was an 8. I was kind of surprised she agreed. The second girl that went out, though was probably a 6 or 7, though she was a little chubby, but I really liked her.

    • Actually looks does matter...

    • they do, but they're not horrible enough where I can't get anyone.

What Guys Said 2

  • Don't worry about man, what you need to do is just talk to them like they are any male friend but knowing that they are still girls. What I mean is that talk to them about a movie, do not mention the HOT Chick, talk about music, talk about your career goals, about school, etc. Then you will feel more at ease if you go on a date but tell her this "i'm thinking of going to the mall this particular day, do you know what day would be good or where to eat when i"m there? Or this movie just came out it seems awesome, did you see it yet? Have fun or message me.

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    • only problem with that is that if I do that a lot, girls come to just see me as a "friend". That stuff is fine if it's the first time I'm meeting her, but if I've known her for a bit, it's just the same old stuff.

  • your not alone, I can't get the girl that I want and haven't had any luck with any others, looks play a huge part in trying to attract girls, any anyone who disagrees with me then hear me out, a girl across the bar might have the best personality in the world and you would fall in love instantly with her because she is the perfect woman for you, but because she isn't good looking, you won't go up to her and chat so you will never find out how nice she is which means you will never fall in love with her, now lets change that to you, your at the bar and some woman sees you, realizes you look average but not good enough for her, now you might be soul mates but because she doesn't like your looks she never finds out how your personality is and never falls in love with you, its the same botch ways, an nobody can disagree with this because it is 110% fact!

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