I am scared that a girl won’t consider me because I have no experience.

I’m 23 years old (almost 24) and I have absolutely no experience with women. I’m talking 0% here. I’ve never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, never had sex and I’ve only kissed one girl in my whole life. And I’m in my final year of university and I’m going to leave the same way I came in...100% INEXPERIENCED!

I just feel like if I met a girl who I really clicked with and we both liked each other and we went out on a few dates and I eventually told her the truth about having no history with girls then she wouldn’t want to continue things with me after that. Or even worse, I tell her the truth before we start dating and then she doesn’t even give me a chance at all. Not even one. This is something that really worries me and the older I get the more anxious I become about this.

Any advice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I could have written this. Except I´m a girl, of course. I´m so worried about the fact that if I meet a guy, we connect and even fall in love, he will leave me because I am so inexperienced.

    I think that society is a bit unfair because it demands something that not everyone can achieve. We girls have to be sexually active, but not slutty, but we do have to know some tricks that I´m sure even some p*rn stars are afraid to do, because otherwise we are prudes.

    You guys have to be sexually active and slutty because otherwise you are "losers".

    It seriously makes me so sad because not everyone can achieve that perfect sex life. We are human beings with feelings, things happen, we have fears, we may be shy or we may not have confidence or whatever reason.

    I don´t really have any advice because I have the same problem. But what I can tell you is that people say "love is blind". I think that when we fall in love, we tend to look at the other person´s faults as a "cute" thing or a good thing even, because we love them and accept them as we are.

    I´m not saying that being inexperienced is a "fault", but I think that that is the way we both view it sometimes and that´s why it makes so uncomfortable.

    Also, remember that the other person will have things in their personality or looks that they feel ashamed about so, if you accept that, she should accept you as you are.

    I´m pretty sure you will laugh about this fear a couple of years from now after having mind blowing sex with a gorgeous blonde! ha haha

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    • Aha! Thank you for the last 2 lines. I bet you are actually a gorgeous blond yourself aren't you?

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    • Don't stress because you're inexperienced, you have no idea how incredibly attractive that is. This is coming from a guy whose dated experienced women and they were a disaster. I consider inexperience when it comes to a woman as a plus, especially since I'm a relationship kind of guy.

    • Thank you!

What Girls Said 18

  • Well no, don't worry about that. I was about as inexperienced as my boyfriend when we started dating. He was 22 back then and I'm pretty sure his experience was 0% just like yours. Mine was 0% + one bonus kiss with a random dude. Yes, it took a long time, yes I thought it progressed (physically I mean) VERY slowly but I was willing to put up with it because a) my man is nice and patient. I need to be equally as nice and patient in return. b) my man cared about not taking things too fast. I tend to take things too fast, so balanced it out perfect.

    Once you find someone, if that person is right for you, she'll be comprehensive I'm sure. Of course it'll take a bit longer of a time to get used to all of this but once you do, you'll both start to grow an history together so WHO CARES that your history prior to this point was negligible. Take it little by little and don't defeat yourself over something you can't change anything about. And NO, don't go looking for a slut to get yourself some experience on the side. NOT. WORTH IT. I promise.

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  • I think girls might intuitively know that you don't have much experience before you tell them, especially if you're a bit insecure about it. It's not really bad in a relationship, but it could be a bit awkward if you just wanted to hook up with some girl.

    Why don't you just go out and talk to girls, to get to know them and to build insight in womens thoughts? You'll learn a lot and maybe you'll find someone you click with.. you can ask her out if you feel comfortable enough.

    Feeling comfortable with a girl is really important, if you sense any awkwardness or resistance from her side, then you know she likely doesn't want to date you. Believe me, the girls who want to get to know you will be reassuring and kind. You just have to find that kind of girl.

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  • I have never kissed a guy and I am 22 turning 23 and I had been contemplating the same thoughts as you. I am finishing uni this year and I am honestly just sick of waiting for the person to come along. I had been patient for so long. I didn't want to date during uni anyway, but now that I have one week till uni finishes, I am getting a bit worried. I will probably be extending my degree, but next year will be no classes, just research, so how do we meet people? No idea anymore!

    In regards to telling a girl about your lack of experience, don't tell her until she asks or something happens that makes you to have to say it. For example, I went on a coffee with a guy and he told me that he was a virgin, I am a virgin too, but I don't throw it around to everyone. It made him seem like he was desperate to get rid of it, maybe he wasn't, but that's what it came off as to me, and it was awkward. So just to be safe, don't say anything unless the situation calls for an explanation haha. Don't even stress about getting experience. I am not annoyed thinking I want to sleep with someone etc, I just want someone to cuddle and someone to share the day with and someone that will love me. I use to love seeing couples on the street, now I am finding myself getting a tad jealous, which is not nice. I am still happy for them, I just want it too haha

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    • By the way, many girls would appreciate your lack of experience, I have heard of many girls that are very experienced say that they want a virgin, so there is a lot of luck on your side. Don't stress about that at all :) . I like that I am inexperienced. Makes me feel better about myself, and it shows you have high standards, not just wanting to give it to anyone that is available :)

  • Aw I wouldn't mind! I'm inexperienced too! It would be worse to me if you had been all over the place in your relationships! We could learn things together! Lol :) don't tell the girl your history right off the bat...and pick wisely...a sweet innocent girl :)

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  • I think telling her the truth is the best way to go if she really likes you she'll be patient & stick around you should not be nervous about it I would prefer an inexperienced guy to a super experienced one any time

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  • Be proud of the choices you have made! Don't let good choices force you into bad decisions because of pressure. She needs to respect you for that and if she can't than she needs to find someone who doeant have morals.

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  • nooooo not true at all! just be honest with her and let her know you want to, like you're attracted to her, but you just don't know what to do..if she's a nice girl, she'll think its sweet that you were honest and felt comfortable admitting that too her. no nice girl will ever hold your inexperience against you.

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  • If a girl has a problem with your inexperience then she's not the right one for you. I mean everyone is at some point and a person should respect you for who you are.

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  • Speaking as a girl, I'd say that I haven't really looked at that in my past. For me none of that matters, what matters to me is if I enjoy being with that person. So, if I enjoy being with them, then I'll continue being with them.

    Good luck!

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  • Don't worry, I would definitely prefer a guy with no experience over one who's lost track of the girls he's been with... My opinion is, the key point is YOU being comfortable with yourself. If you blurt this all out on the first date, the girl will be somewhat apprehensive, not because of your lack of experience, but of your lack of confidence and insecurity. So just be yourself. :)

    On a sidenote, I just think this obsession with "experience" seems to be blown all out of proportion by media.

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  • 99% of girls do not care in the slightlest if you are "inexperienced", this is an insecurity that guys get, be more confident, girls love self-confidence, if you want to get a girlfriend, you need to gain some self-confidence.

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    • But in bed the lack of experience is something you simply can't fake.

  • Although it can be scary, I wouldn't worry too much. I find inexperienced guys sweet. And therefore more desirable. Other girls will feel the same too. You'll find someone!

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  • Honestly, I like inexperienced guys, it's fun :) and the won't try to do crazy things. It shouldn't bother you, or her. So if she has a problem with it she's silly. But if she doesn't hopefully you'll both try new things together :)

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  • Don't worry about it. I personally don't care if a guy is inexperienced in fact I find inexperienced guys to be rather endearing. and if there is a girl that won't accept that then she's not worth it.

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  • you shouldn't worry most girls won't care about that we just want to click and that's all you can get the experience with her, I am actually older than you and thought the same think, I won't say to the guy that I have no experience only later in the relationship that's my advice

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  • Every guy I've been with (four serious relationships) had never been with a girl before me. That didn't happen on purpose or anything haha, just a coincidence. Though I think the guys I'm into are just more likely to be inexperienced because they're quiet and shy.

    Aaanyway I really don't see what the big deal is. I understand that some girls just think guys who are inexperienced don't know how to deal with relationships, but I personally haven't noticed a difference. Some experienced guys are way worse in relationships than any guy I'VE been with...

    Also, nothing against AndyWes, but I highly disagree with his advice. Girls can tell when you dodge a question and give a generic excuse, and they'll assume the worst (which would be something like a history of cheating, not inexperience).

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  • Any girl that whose interested in you but changes her mind just because you are 'inexperienced' doesn't deserve anyone for that matter. I mean, people weren't even supposed to be having premarital sex in the first place, so it's very unfortunate that in these times, not having premarital sex is seen as unappealing.

    As for beng inexperienced in other things apart from sex, I don't think girls would really bother about that. I personally wouldn't be bothered if a guy was also inexperienced with sex, but I'm sure many girls would be bothered in this day and age -_-

    Heck I'm also a virgin, and I'm saving myself till marriage.

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  • youd be surprised how many girls out there are just like u! I'm 24 and still haven't had experience. I actually prefer my man to be this way because I wanna be his first everything!

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What Guys Said 10

  • I'm exactly like you dude. I'm 23 and have zero experience, you've even got more than me, I've never even kissed a girl. I was worried also. However, I met this great girl and had my first date ever last night. It couldn't have gone better IMO. I thought I would be super nervous, but because I was out with someone I liked, I felt pretty comfortable actually. Of course I was second guessing every word that came out of my mouth. But eventually you just have to go for it. On the way there I kept thinking, worst case scenario the date goes terrible and I never talk to her again, big deal. At least I went on a date, and now I know for next time. Girls are a lot less judgmental than you think, and I know from looking on here that most girls would rather take the inexperienced guy than the very experienced one. Just be yourself and if she is really into then she won't care. If she rejects you or doesn't give you a chance because of experience, then she wasn't the girl for you.

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  • She won't reject you because of your lack of experience.

    However your lack of experience makes it less likely that you will 'click'.

    Its not the idea that you're inexperienced that's the problem.

    Its the lack of skills around dating and escalation.

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  • Just don't say or do things that causes her interest level to drop. No need telling her your relationship background.

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  • Dude, if she's that kind of girl, you don't want her anyway. I didn't do any of the things you said either, dating/sex/etc, until I turned 22... and when I did find women who would be with me, they were very loving about it. They didn't treat me like an idiot. They were patient with me because they knew I didn't have the experience.

    I will say though, if you want to meet someone, you have to do it yourself. People who say things like "there is someone out there for everyone" are full of sh*t. If you don't try to find someone to be with, you probably won't be with anybody. That was always my problem.

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  • Dude...

    YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT PAST GIRLS OR LACK WITH CURRENT GIRLS!

    So don't worry about it. It's easy enough to learn how to deal with women (jk, it's pretty hard but you don't ever at all have to talk about your lack of experience with women. Just dodge the question.

    "Ah, I prefer to leave the past behind."

    "Being here with you, I don't care to even think about other women."

    Stuff like that.

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    • I've never had a girl ask me about my past with other girls except after we were exclusive...have girls asked about your past in the pre-relationship phase?

  • hey, thanks for asking this question and thanks to the women for answering.

    because I'm in a similar situation, and this forum has been helpful.

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  • If your smart you'll give up believe me at least you won't feel bad later on.

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  • Don't look into it too much man - just "fake it 'til you make it."

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  • feel your pain too man

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  • "I just feel like if I met a girl who I really clicked with and we both liked each other and we went out on a few dates and I eventually told her the truth about having no history with girls then she wouldn’t want to continue things with me after that."

    That's not going to happen. Trust me. Girls have to deal with experienced douchebags all the damn time. As long as you're getting along and she's into you, she'll likely consider your lack of experience a GOOD thing.

    When it comes to experience, you can gain that while you're with her, and she knows that.

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