Should I tell her I am very inexperienced?

So I just went on my first date ever last night. I thought it went great, and I really like her and really want to see her again. One problem though is that I am so inexperienced that I am so insecure about every move I am making. Especially when it comes to physical stuff, I have never done anything at all. I didn't kiss her at the end of the date, although I really wanted to. But it's stuff like that, that because it's so new to me I'm hesitant to do anything. She actually held my hand for a bit when we were in a crowd, but even then I was second guessing it. So should I tell her I'm very new to dating and everything? Or should I just not mention it? I just want her to know that I'm not holding back or acting weird because I don't like her, it's because I'm super nervous.

Updates:
Well unfortunately I think you guys are pretty split on your answers. I went out with her last night, we kissed (my first) but it took a while and I think I really sucked at it. She texted me after I left and mentioned that I was shy (which I am). So I think because she said I was shy and because it was obvious I wasn't very comfortable I am going to tell her next time I see her. I think she might actually be a bit relieved to know.
Just wanted to give an update of how things turned out. I did tell her, and told her I was hesitant because I was nervous. After a little time thinking about it, she said she seemed very relieved and now knows why I was being so cautious. Luckily she was more than willing to take the lead, and lets just say I took some very big steps the rest of the night.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The question you should ask yourself is: "will telling her this make her more attracted to me?" If the answer is yes, you tell her--if it's no you don't. Honestly now--think about this for a solid 2 minutes. Do you think you telling her you're totally unexperienced and nervous as hell is going to make her more or less attracted to you? Is she going to think: "JACKPOT! An inexperienced, nervous guy!" or is she going to think, "wait, what's wrong with this guy that he wasn't able to get other girls?"

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    • But wouldn't you think it would be better if she knew, okay this guy hasn't done this stuff before so it's understandable that he is nervous and going slow. Rather than her thinking, "what the hell is wrong with this guy, it's like he's never done this before?" "Why hasn't he done whatever with me yet, maybe he doesn't like me that much?"

    • Better solution is for you to just plow forward. Next time you get her alone make out for a good hour or so. Take your time and enjoy.

    • Congrats guy! What happened? Did she get you off? Did you get to spend some quality time playing with her?

What Girls Said 6

  • Aww you sound really sweet! :)

    Personally I wouldn't OVERTHINK anything. Try not get too nervous about being inexperienced. If there's chemistry then it really doesn't matter if you've had 20 girfriends or no girlfriends. I'm sure it won't damage or hinder the courtship / dating process.

    If you get very nervous, unsure, and you feel the desire to tell her you have no prior experience then do tell her. But don't force it out of you, as in: 'I ought to tell her and apologize'.

    Do what you feel comfortable doing, follow your intuition (which you do possess regardess of prior experience!) and try not to over analyze or read into eveything. Enjoy it, it's fun! Best luck to you, my friend!

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  • Yeah, you should probably tell her. It's kind of cute when a guy is man enough to admit stuff like that. Plus, if you tell her you're not sure what to do, she will probably take the lead. It will be a lot easier on you both if you're open and honest with her.

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  • Honestly is the best policy! Tell her the truth PLEASE! She will appreciate it and your relationship will be based on trust and she will respect you more. If you don’t tell her you will lose her, she will feel rejected and she will feel that there is something wrong with her. She is not a mind reader. :)

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  • just be honest, take it slow, and get some confidence! its just a girl! there are a million other ones out there! get some practice in and go with your gut...everything will fall into place

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  • Yeah you should tell her before she thinks you don't like her that much. Not saying that will happen but it's possible

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  • If you tell her, do it in a lighthearted no drama kind of a way. Don't make some big issue out of it and don't be insecure about it (there is absolutely noting wrong with being inexperienced so as someone already said don't be apologetic about it). That way, she'll know what's going on and it will help your communication and understanding of each other, but you won't look insecure and that's a good thing 'cause most women want a guy to be a bit of a leader in a relationship. Kissing and stuff will happen naturally, nothing to be nervous about :-) Good luck!

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What Guys Said 7

  • Definitely! When you want a relationship to work out, you have to be able to communicate with your partner. Also, I know it's hard to be physical at first, I remember still. But if she held your hand, you should be comfortable enough to at least give her a nice soft kiss on her cheek.. Look in her eyes... And tell her you want to see her again.. (next time) & eye contact is important.. Little by little build up your confidence. Girls like a man that has confidence. It's cute at first, but it gets old fast!

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  • There is nothing wrong with letting her know that you aren't highly experienced, but the approach you have is wrong.

    It's not a problem to let her know, but it is a problem if you initiate it out of nowhere, sound apologetic and nervous about it when you say it and continually beat yourself up like it is a bad thing.

    Try to put a positive spin on it.

    "I haven't dated much because I've been focusing a lot on ___, but now, you know, I'm trying new things and meeting new people"

    That's much better than expressing it to her like it's a liability.

    Hope this helps.

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  • Don't tell her because that's just making it into an issue that hangs in front of your face. It's understandable to be nervous, but there's no real need to go telling her all this stuff because it just adds pressure. Like saragigli said in her answer, don't spend too much time overthinking things because that will obviously compound the problem. It will take time to get used to hanging out with her intimately like this but I can promise you that with time, comes comfort.

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  • ur going in the wrong direction, and it will end up very painful..

    instead of worrying about it , overcome your insecurities and tell yourself things like "everyone was once inexperienced, there's nothing wrong with me for being in this part of my life".. because I bet what you do right now is compare yourself to others and put yourself down and then assume the worst about this girl

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  • congrats man.. you did it!

    usually, once you take that first step.. the rest is so much easier as you seemed to have discovered

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  • yeah I'd be honest about it

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  • Make no mistake. This girl likes you. She WANTS you. She WANTS you to kiss her, to feel the tip of your tongue on hers. She FANTASIZES about what it would be like to have sex with you.

    So tell her that you're inexperienced, but do so with the knowledge that you're already there, and the next time you start to get nervous or hesitant, stop doing that and be awesome instead.

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