It's occurred to me. There's a fair amount of people who think dating and the current system is fine and dandy--but they should stay celibate while doing that.
I have to ask, why would anyone think that guys will appreciate that system? In the ancient days, (Like, 1940's) before dating and sex before marriage--things were a ton different. No 'dating', everyone got married a lot sooner, and parental opinions were pretty important.
But nowadays, girl meets guy, guy takes girl on dates, etc, romance follows, relationship *might* last for years, they might break up, *slim* chance they'll get married.
So think about it for a few minutes. Most people (not including loners like myself) have a bunch of boyfriends or girlfriends before if/when they get married. Girls still expect guys to chase, to take her her to nice places, etc. Costly and mentally trying for guys.
But the arrangement goes with: He chases, 'courts' in a fashion, takes her out to nice places, etc. She feels loved, special, and he gets romance/sex.
But when you put 'dating' with 'staying celibate' you end up with: he chases, 'courts' in a fashion, takes her out to nice places, etc. She feels loved, special.
But he gets pretty much nothing. There's no promise of marriage, there's no sex, in return for his investment. Basically, a really good friend.
It's the opposite of the 'friends with benefits.' A friends with benefits gets sex, and invests no emotional effort, commitment, 'courtship' or 'chase' or actual love.
But the 'celibate boyfriend' invests his emotions, chases, 'courts' (In quotations because the definition is lose) has to act as a boyfriend (be loving, deal with relationship drama) but gets nothing back. No sex or promise of marriage.
So why do some people think with the current 'dating' system that guys will go for the 'celibate boyfriend' game? In the end, they are still spending emotions (which actually is draining) and money on a slew of women, (if you're the average sort that has five partners before marriage) but literally gets nothing back. If we want to return to celibate boyfriends, we need to change the game.
So why would guys do that?
Most Helpful Girl
The chance of a realtionship ending in marriage is slimmer now as a result of all the whopping divorce rates. Palimony is more likely than marriage. In addition, there are more rights for G&L couples who previously may have entered into heterosexual marital unions to meet some sort of social standards/expectations.
Dating is emotionally taxing for both guys and girls. No one really knows where things will end; guys still tend to invest a great deal on a date and are then surprised at being flat broke. Girls spend a great deal on prep time and resources and then go on dates with noncommital guys. The needs and expectations are, in fact, a complete mess. Neither party gets anything out of it other than a few hours of company -- possibly mind-blowing sex, but nothing lasting. The guy has to want to SEE himself with the girl "Forever" and not just "For Now." Girls invest from teh second they put their lipstick and perfume on for a guy. It's all for him -- the way she dresses, the things she says and does. Her investment is herself -- a thing guys often take for granted. So she doesn't pay for drinks; she's the distraction on your arm that is going to make you feel like a rockstar when you're alone, right? If that's why you took her to dinner, then that's between you two.
If you're investing to truly "COURT" a girl, mention that up front and don't just "date" ... get into her business, get to know her folks and her friends, how she likes things, what makes her tick... AND expect her to want to do the same to you.
Celibacy (outside of religious celibacy, of course) is for people who have been through the mill and prefer to be alone, with a sidekick when the mood strikes. Courting is for people who can clearly envision the future with one person and no other...forever.3