Why would anyone thinking 'dating' goes with 'staying celibate'?

It's occurred to me. There's a fair amount of people who think dating and the current system is fine and dandy--but they should stay celibate while doing that.

I have to ask, why would anyone think that guys will appreciate that system? In the ancient days, (Like, 1940's) before dating and sex before marriage--things were a ton different. No 'dating', everyone got married a lot sooner, and parental opinions were pretty important.

But nowadays, girl meets guy, guy takes girl on dates, etc, romance follows, relationship *might* last for years, they might break up, *slim* chance they'll get married.

So think about it for a few minutes. Most people (not including loners like myself) have a bunch of boyfriends or girlfriends before if/when they get married. Girls still expect guys to chase, to take her her to nice places, etc. Costly and mentally trying for guys.

But the arrangement goes with: He chases, 'courts' in a fashion, takes her out to nice places, etc. She feels loved, special, and he gets romance/sex.

But when you put 'dating' with 'staying celibate' you end up with: he chases, 'courts' in a fashion, takes her out to nice places, etc. She feels loved, special.

But he gets pretty much nothing. There's no promise of marriage, there's no sex, in return for his investment. Basically, a really good friend.

It's the opposite of the 'friends with benefits.' A friends with benefits gets sex, and invests no emotional effort, commitment, 'courtship' or 'chase' or actual love.

But the 'celibate boyfriend' invests his emotions, chases, 'courts' (In quotations because the definition is lose) has to act as a boyfriend (be loving, deal with relationship drama) but gets nothing back. No sex or promise of marriage.

So why do some people think with the current 'dating' system that guys will go for the 'celibate boyfriend' game? In the end, they are still spending emotions (which actually is draining) and money on a slew of women, (if you're the average sort that has five partners before marriage) but literally gets nothing back. If we want to return to celibate boyfriends, we need to change the game.

So why would guys do that?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The chance of a realtionship ending in marriage is slimmer now as a result of all the whopping divorce rates. Palimony is more likely than marriage. In addition, there are more rights for G&L couples who previously may have entered into heterosexual marital unions to meet some sort of social standards/expectations.

    Dating is emotionally taxing for both guys and girls. No one really knows where things will end; guys still tend to invest a great deal on a date and are then surprised at being flat broke. Girls spend a great deal on prep time and resources and then go on dates with noncommital guys. The needs and expectations are, in fact, a complete mess. Neither party gets anything out of it other than a few hours of company -- possibly mind-blowing sex, but nothing lasting. The guy has to want to SEE himself with the girl "Forever" and not just "For Now." Girls invest from teh second they put their lipstick and perfume on for a guy. It's all for him -- the way she dresses, the things she says and does. Her investment is herself -- a thing guys often take for granted. So she doesn't pay for drinks; she's the distraction on your arm that is going to make you feel like a rockstar when you're alone, right? If that's why you took her to dinner, then that's between you two.

    If you're investing to truly "COURT" a girl, mention that up front and don't just "date" ... get into her business, get to know her folks and her friends, how she likes things, what makes her tick... AND expect her to want to do the same to you.

    Celibacy (outside of religious celibacy, of course) is for people who have been through the mill and prefer to be alone, with a sidekick when the mood strikes. Courting is for people who can clearly envision the future with one person and no other...forever.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Uhh I personally don't agree with it, but I can kinda understand why people do it.. it's kinda just to prove that you're in a relationship because you truly care for the person, and not just for the sex. Also some guys like caring for women.. and they don't mind it. If you really love someone or care about someone a whole lot, relationships aren't about "I give you something, and I get something back."

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  • So you're angry that you're not getting any. Big surprise there.

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    • No, actually, I'm pointing out how flawed it is when people wring their hands about how 'depraved' guys are today. It goes with the system.

  • You are the exact reason some women do not have sex before they're married. You never know what you're getting yourself into and you definitely don't want to get in bed with a sexist pig. Many girls choose respect over sex. Yes, a guy is expected to take his girlfriend to nice places and do nice things for her, but a girl isn't there just to give him sex. A girlfriend is there for emotional support, love, and care.

    For instance, a girlfriend takes care of her boyfriend when he's sick. She also bakes him cookies for Valentine's day. She cuddles with him every weekend when they watch movies together. She listens when he needs to talk. She loves him and cares for him and is there for him no matter what. You're saying this isn't what girlfriends do? We just sit on our thrones while you wait on us hand and foot and then we have sex with you as a thank you? I don't think so.

    You make it sound like the boyfriend is there to cater to the girlfriend and in return, the girlfriend must reward him with HER body. A couple is a couple for a reason. They show respect and love for each other in ways that they both agree on and there is always a balance between them. Girls do just as much as guys in a relationship. Sex does not have to be a part of it.

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  • okay well what if they are getting making out and blow jobs and "everything but"..it's still something.

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  • ugh, why the f*ck does dating have to involve sex? Guys are such pigs these days acting entitled to sex if they're dating a girl

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  • Most adults don't have celibate boyfriends after the first month or so?

    That's why a guy shouldn't try to "buy" a girl's affection by taking her on expensive dates. If a girl likes you, she will just want to get to know you and talk/hang out. If you are into girls who expect to be wined and dined, I would reevaluate what kinds of girls you're attracted to.

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What Guys Said 5

  • O the only reason a guy enters a relationship or get's married is to have sex?

    Bro. You're a few chromosomes short of a genius

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    • You're right, guys marry/get into a relationship because women are such good friends compared to male buddies.

    • That' correct. Now you're getting it

  • So just don't date and/or dump girls who won't put out. Sounds pretty simple to me. Sex, or lack there of, can be a deal breaker. That's nothing new and there's nothing wrong with it. If I was dating a chick who didn't want to have sex before marriage I'd let her down easy and move on to the next one. Sex is a part of any healthy relationship. If it ain't there then the relationship is missing something. Girls who think otherwise can go date someone else. No love lost. Why do people try to throttle each other over this issue? It's completely a personal choice and you have no business telling anyone else how to run their dating lives.

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  • I'm not exactly sure what you're asking specifically.

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  • Some of us would be happy with that. I would much rather wait until we are in that firm relationship than her giving it out early on. If she does that, I know she's gave it out to other guys. She's junk to me at that point.

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  • 1940's the ancient days, that's for sure. Hints there no decent girls left or they're very few and far in between. You raised a good question, Where did good morals go.

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