Should I go down the same patch twice?

I had been dating this guy for a year. We were exclusive to my knowledge. He never wanted to put a label on our relationship but accepted the fact that I considered him my boyfriend. I do feel that he had feelings for me but was very cautious of loosing his freedom and kept me at an arms length. He was very affectionate, passionate and respectable to me. We had a very special connection and great understanding of each other.

4 mos ago we broke up. It seemed like he kept getting annoyed at me for reasons that were very stupid. My getting sick for one. So I told him that I thought he needed some space from me. (We only saw each other once a week due to our distance) but we chatted daily. I don't think he liked getting a message from me telling him I would give him space or that I was unhappy with things. So he responded to me that if he cared for me at all the best thing would be for him to let me go and find what I wanted. He told me in the letter that he was not in love with me and that I deserved better...blah..blah.

Anyway this really hurt me and I was very upset. I did not respond to his email, which I am sure was very unexpected to him. I went a month without contact him at all. Then I did send him a text about something reminding me of him and how he was. He responded immediately to this. So for the next couple of weeks I would send a text once a week with little reminders of past things here and there. He always responded positively. Eventually we met up and we now see each other every couple of weeks. We keep in touch a couple of times a week. The thing that has changed is I can go days without thinking of him and it might be 5 days gone by and I haven't texted or chatted with him. He seems to be the one to initiate more often than not now. He seems more excited to see me. I am less concerned if I see him or not. In the beginning of our reconnection he asked my what my intentions were and I told him I wasn't sure. I'm wondering is this a good road to go down again or am I setting myself up. I am in a much better place and position now as I don't feel as "desperate" I guess. My mind has shifted and I have much more in my life right now as priorities than him. He confessed to me that he does have feelings for me but felt I needed or wanted more than what he was willing to give at the time. What do you guys think? Should I travel this road again?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • From my observations, I think despite the rocky start to your relationship things are looking a bit better for you now despite what you may think. It is quite natural once you are in a good relationship for things to stabilize, as real life ie. responsibilities take over.

    However I do want to say something and that is...give the guy a chance. Yes it was a mistake that he broke off the relationship first earlier, but remember it was because he wasn't sure how you felt about him. Now that you feel you do love him and who reestablished the relationship make the most of it, especially when I see he is now trying hard to make up for hurting your feelings.

    One thing I want to say is that...your relationship with this guy is unique...it is special. You need to understand a relationship between two persons is a very special thing as no two relationships are ever the same. I find a lot of young women today don't seem to appreciate what the guys do for them? Or at least learn to appreciate the unique relationship they have between them, but only in the thrill of a chase. I've known a few high-flying girl friends who once got into the thrill of things so much completely forgot it will die down, and ended up being relationship-less later in life. Thrill...just like a plane will eventually have to come down - so you have to be realistic in your choices and views (when it should end). Because guys like to be loved too...and will only push you away when you are not reciprocating in the same manner...

    As it goes its often hard to find someone you can really relate and talk to, let alone understand you. You seem to have found the right person in your life (and it seems he loves you) but just not known what it is you ultimately want from the relationship or want to do with it. Perhaps you could now use this relationship and see what things you might like to do together, like travel to a new place/country as a tour together? That's one way to spice up the relationship and take it to another level to see if you are really made for each other...

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What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Girls Said 2

  • Don't make the same mistake twice

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  • This is a good example of why the guy wants you more when you give him less attention.

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