Why do girls vary when they will show affection for a guy depending on the guy?

Disclaimer: This question is sort of rooted in complaining. I recently dated a girl who on the first date she mentioned about how she slept with a stranger at a party. On the second date we watched a movie and I put my arm around her and kissed her after a while and she clearly wasn't into it and after that she stopped answering texts. Up until the kiss everything was going great. We didn't have a single awkward moment and seemed to get along famously. But if she is has hooked up with strangers only hours after meeting them, what is wrong with a kiss on the 2nd date?

Also I have had issues with other girls like this where they have told me that they are sexually open but they want to make me wait. My issue with this is if a guy is willing to take you out and engage you as a person, he is going to be nicer to you than some guy you hook up with at a party and you will get more mileage out of him no matter what your intentions are. Also this turns me off pretty immediately because the way I see it is that this girl views me as weak. Like my desires don't matter as much as her hookups she barely knows and holding out will make me easier to manipulate. Why don't we just get the sex out of the way when it comes up and you just treat me like a person, amirite guys?

What is the reasoning behind this? I understand that one night stands and quick flings happen. But why do girls make guys who take them on dates and connect with them wait?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's simple. Girls make the guys who take them out wait because they can actually see themselves with that guy and don't want to do anything to screw it up. By holding out on him, she can determine whether or not he is boyfriend material or just another jerk looking to hook up.

    The girl that you kissed on the second date probably thought you assumed she would put out just because of a guy she slept with at a party. Which, technically, you did. But I do see that sex was not your ultimate goal. You just have to understand that it's hard for girls to determine the difference with guys sometimes because players are just too good at mimicking the real nice guys.

    Is it annoying and frustrating to you guys? Yes, but at least I answered your question... lol

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    • Thanks, but the reasoning is still a little strange. If you have a good connection and you sleep with the guy and the sex is good he is very likely going to stick with you. If you got everything you wanted once, wouldn't you want it again? I would. And if you sleep with the guy and he leaves then you know he didn't like some part of you and then he is gone and you are clear to find someone who will like every part of you.

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    • Yeahh, it's just how girls are raised I guess.. Idk, if a girl hooks up with a lot of guys, she's a slut. But if a guys hooks up with a lot of chicks, he's "The Man" -_____-

      Lol, at least that's what goes through my head when ever I meet potential boyfriends... I've only been with one guy though.. So I can't really speak for girls who do have one night stands.

    • Yes players are every where... And yes females are good at that... Good advice...

What Girls Said 5

  • hooks up with random guy and hands you the stop sign...idk but it not looking good on her part.

    maybe she really likes you and want you as a boyfriend and that other guy just a hook up due to being horny. I can't give much of a perfect answer because I dnt do this and I never thought of anything like this but I get what your saying and I think she is missing out on a nice guy it seems.

    missing out as in pushing you away because your asking us for advice lol

    maybe she thinks if she don't sleep with u, you will like her more

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  • Rough question... Ya flings happen for sure... But this could go a lot of ways... They could be unsure about liking you. They could have been lying about the flings hoping to put off a certain image. But basically it all comes down to the girl, so nobody can really answer this question for sure... Most girls looking for a relationship look for a different level of respect than they might get in a hookup, and most girls who hookup have a low self-esteem anyways soo, ya... The only real advice I can give is either be one of the guys who hooks up, or wait for the right girl.

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  • Normally (and this is just me) I act diffrent with a guy I know I'm never really going to see again rather than the ones I want to keep and maybe date. With guys I want to maybe date, I take things a lot slower and am freaked out easily if something happens way to fast. but with a guy I'm never going to see again, I don't get freaked out as much, and am more flirty- I don't know why, its just how some of us girls are I guess lol..And I think the reason we/i do this is bc, we want to keep and get to know the guy before any thing really happens, and the random never going to see guys we just don't care about. lol hope this helps!

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  • maybe girls expect you will leave them after sex, unless they wait and truly get you to like them first

    so with a one night stand it doesn't matter cause she expects nothing after it, but with guys she is dating she wants it to last longer

    and about the specific girl maybe she just thought you were a bad kisser or something...

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    • But why can't the relationship last longer and involve sex right away? Is the possibility that the guy she is dating is only looking to hook up really that bad that we both can't have our cake and eat it too? Maybe so, a lot of girls seem to think that.

  • Just because a girl may be relationship material, does not necessarily mean you're attracted to her, right? That's sort of what's happening here. You're treating her well, and that part is great. But there's something missing with your attraction level (looks, masculinity, confidence, sexual charge) that's making her avoid the hookup situation with her.

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    • Oh and like curiousgirl said, it's great you don't judge those girls, but a lot of men do. There are plenty of guys who will decide not to take a girl seriously for a relationship anymore if they give it up too fast. They may keep having sex with her and stringing her along, but they won't want to date her. It's stupid, and if more guys felt like you, they'd get laid quicker when there's a connection, but hey that's life.

    • Ya and the other guys judging harshly thing is probably the best argument as to why.

What Guys Said 1

  • girls are unpredictable

    That said, unless she mentioned a hookup as a part of our conversation on how we were both super-stupid in college and swapped those type stories (which is unusual for a first date but still), I would consider her cold shoulder a bad sign for the relationship's prospect.

    Because having mentioned that and then given you a cold shoulder, she is either so dumb that she does not understand or care about the consequences of her actions and her words, or she is not attracted to you physically as much as she was to the other guy. Regardless of how useless the other guy was clearly she hasn't learned enough lessons in life and ultimately both of you deserve a better partner.

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    • I think it is option 1. My ego can handle the possibility that I just wasn't attractive enough but the kiss was like a car crash ending a really sweet road trip. Maybe the kiss was just that bad.

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