BOYS: if you wanted friends with benefits with a girl would you take her on 'dates'?

Question for all you boys: If you met a girl (that you thought was attractive) and wanted to sleep with her (no potential relationship in the future), would you take her out for a date (buy her dinner, see a movie etc.), drive her home, hold her hand in public? Would you do this ^^ if sleeping with her was your only intention and would you keep taking her out on dates if you do not want a relationship in the future?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can't speak for all guys, but I most likely wouldn't do this. Then again, I don't even seek FWB anyway. I guess I would feel guilty doing this, like I'm manipulating her into my bed.

    Even "less moral" guys I still think would be a bit hard pressed to do this unless they were really that desperate to get laid and felt they had legitimate reasons to believe this will work, in a reasonable period of time.

    They key is simply recognizing how much he enjoys or trying to do other things with you that don't involve sex. If getting him to spend time with you outside of the bedroom is like pulling teeth, then he probably doesn't really like you as a person, he just feels your dtf (down to f***). If he seems to enjoy doing even simple things with you like getting dinner, or watching a movie, then he most likely has more of a genuine interest in you. Even a guy trying to manipulate his way into your pants is going to squirm when asked to spend the kind of time only a boyfriend would. Like going on dinner dates. They might do it, but you'll be able to tell that they really don't want to be there.

    Again, this is the irony of dating and the related female mindset. They guy who is more than willing to spend time with the girl (the one who is also interested in a relationship), typically appears to available. The girl gets freaked out by his availability since she's not used to a guy actually wanting to take her on dates and just spend time together. Instead, the girls gravitate to the guy who doesn't want to spend time with them and is "unavailable". These guys appear to have higher status since it seems like he values his time more than yours. In other words, since he's not making time for you, it tells the girl she's not that important ot him because he of high status compared to her. She's not worthy. This trait attracts women to men. Ironically what this leads to is girls falling for the guy who only wants to get in their pants because they mistake unavailability for attractiveness instead of rightfully pairing with someone who simply just isn't that into them.

    This exact dynamic is why so many girls are walking around with the stereotype "Men are all jerks who just want to use me for sex and get into my pants", and men are walking around with the stereotype that "Women don't like nice guys and they put us all in the friend zone while dating nothing but jerks, and players.". These stereotypes exists because for all intensive purposes they are true. However, they are skewed by not representing the entire population. They only represent what we are attracted to and actually date. So turning it around, it would sound like this: girls naturally want to date guys who have no interest but to get in their pants, and guys naturally want to date girls who they can see themselves being friends with.

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What Guys Said 12

  • No. Remember FRIENDS with benefits. I don't think girls understand this when they sign up for this. Though I would hang out with her, go to movies with other friends and other things wouldn't change in the friend department, I wouldn't take a friend on a date because then she would be MORE than friends.

    If any girl has to ask this question she isn't fit for friends with benefits. Two people who want benefits to their friendship, generally when there is way too much sexual tension, wouldn't want to go on dates with each other or hold each others' hand. That would be a relationship.

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  • If he's experienced with casual sex, no.

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  • No. If I took her on dates and held hand in public that sounds a lot like a girl friend. I would still hang with the girl, she is after all a FRIEND with benefits. But I would treat her like a friend not a girl friend.

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  • No, that would just be a normal girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. Friends with benefits indicates a lack of intimacy. A date is intimate. No holding hands. No dates. No movies. No cuddling. I wouldn't do anything with her I wouldn't do with a guy friend other than f*ck.

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  • No. People don't 'date' anymore. They just do things together without labels. The idea of meeting a woman to have a sleep partner sounds forced. Pre-meditated. That's not right. Like stalking. Lurking.

    Look, anyone will let you buy them dinner or lunch.

    Look, if you want to just F some woman then you can skip all the preamble.

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  • Maybe to a movie just to hang out if I'm bored every now and then. Would not take her to dinner or hold hands in public. Do I hold hands with my friends? F*ck no.

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  • as much as I wouldn't want to I think I would, since I really want to know who my friends with benefits really is. I really don't want a married chick being my fwb. either that or just a damn trouble maker of any source

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  • I would do this...and hope there is a relationship in the future

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  • The holding hands in public thing is definitely more than Friends with benefits.

    but friends go out and have fun, maybe not dates but you know!

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  • Wouldn't that depend on your definition of a date. Maybe he doesn't think they're dates, unless he says "date"

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  • I would hang out with her minimally but I wouldn't be paying for dinners and all that nonsense. She'd have to come across in a way that would bump into my plans in order for me to hang out with her outside of sex.

    Honestly, when it's a FWB for me it's usually a text in regards to having sex then not hearing from them unless they are horny again.

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  • I've never done this myself (had a FWB situation), but from what I understand it would involve normal friend-type stuff, like hanging out, watching movies, playing video games, going to the park...and then add in sex at the end of the day.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think there's something you need to realize here. Just because he takes you on dates does not mean that he isn't on the path of using you for sex. You can be something other than a friend with benefits, of course. I do think it makes sense that if he dates you like this, he's not looking for a FWB. But still, what about... the dreadful open relationship? It's what a lot of guys are after and that involves a similar concept, only now you get to get your heart played with with some sentimental action going on. Not saying he's necessarily that type of guy but BEWARE, he could be doing this and NOT. WILLING. TO. COMMIT. If you see him heading that way, run girl, run.

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  • Hmm. It depends:

    Guy one (my age; former work colleague so we're in each others' business and it's possibly too late to "date," haha): He took me out for our first date, then we hooked up. The second time we saw each other was for a hook-up, he stayed overnight, and treated to breakfast, lunch and tolls throughout the next day.

    Guy 2 (older guy; bartender on extended dating hiatus): He took me out on four dates. Sex was rough, though; he expected to have everything crammed into one night, like an animal unleashed for the first time in three years. I don't think it's healthy for guys not to have sex for such long periods of time.

    Guy 3 (younger guy; works at a place I go to all the time): Mmm Mmm. I give him a "hook up without a date" pass because the young man knows what to do with a girl.

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  • No. At least I don't believe so unless this was talked about before. FWB usually just means the same thing except you get to get laid by that person.

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