Was it a bad decision not to tell my boyfriend about termination sooner?

I just came clean with him this weekend about the termination back in June, we had only been dating (not exclusively) for about 3 months but it was 100% his..We've gotten so much closer since and slowly letting each other in by telling truths , we figure it's the best way to know if we are compatible and not just physically attracted. Needless to say, he was devastated when I told him and called himself a murderer ( a little dramatic but emotional nonetheless). He only kept saying he wanted to know, I should have told him. He's upset, says I hurt him bad. Men, why would you want to know if someone you're casually dating was pregnant? How relevant is it if you weren't serious with that person yet?


0|0
1|5

Most Helpful Guy

  • Those situations are always difficult :( However, you weren't serious, you weren't exclusive and since you are the one who has to carry the heavy burden of abortion or unwanted pregnancy the choice was yours and yours alone. If I was in a relationship with a girl, of course I'd want her to tell me, even though it's ultimately her decision. But if a girl got pregnant and we weren't serious I'd only want her to tell me IF she'd let me have a say in the matter. If's she's choosing abortion and there's nothing I can do about it and we're not together any more, then it would just create all this emotional turmoil that I'd be better off without.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 4

  • I think the problem here is that you're making a lot of assumptions about men. Yes, of course, no man wants to hear someone who he is casually dating is pregnant, but any decent man would still see himself partly responsible for the situation, and care about what you're going through, out of basic human decency. Yes, it's your body, your 'burden' to carry, your choice, maybe it's not the choice that's the issue, but rather, the fact that you failed to include him shows a basic and insulting absence of respect for him. Put the shoe on the other foot, think about how you would feel if someone treated you that way.

    1|1
    0|0
  • i understand if you don't want to have a baby with someone that you aren't in a relationship with, but is both parties decision what to do, not just yours. that's why he was upset and its amazing you have to ask why.

    1|0
    0|0
    • look I'm sorry that I reacted so quickly, I had a similar thing happen to me but it was with someone I was in a relationship with.. it was wrong of me to just say harsh things so quickly because you're situation is different and I have no right to judge you.

    • Show All
    • I think you're answer was spot on, emotion and all, It pierced through me as I read it. However appreciate that so much. How would I know a male point of view short of asking the "pissed off boyfriend" , right? I'm sorry this post triggered a deep emotion for you, you've helped me see a whole other dimension to this though, I do value your honesty.

    • thanks, glad it helped you

  • wow.. how can you ask this. its half his and half yours, its something you decide together not alone.. f***sake

    1|0
    2|0
    • i can't believe you have to ask such an obvious f***ing thing.. "why would a guy want to know that I got pregnant from him and got an abortion." wtf is wrong with you

    • Show All
    • i wish I could take back what I said. I'm sincerly sorry for reacting so quickly

    • Really guys, I very much appreciate the honest and raw emotions you are sharing..even if they sting. I can see how I jilted him because I see how men I DON'T even personally know got upset. Thank you .. If you read through , I want to get closer to him and he to me, therefore as they say "the truth shall set you free" I don't do secrets..read my profile.

  • Well, the kid was half his too, you know. Maybe he'd like to know if he's a father.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 1

  • It's your body you can do what you want with it, but I guess even though you two were not in a serious relationship he would have probably been happy to be a father. He might have even wanted to become closer to you. Maybe he feels that you robbed him of being a father.

    1|0
    0|0
    • That was my first instinct/thought the moment after his reaction, then I felt like a jerk. I will update this post eventually. Being as he's still upset 2 days in. BTW: I agree, my body my choice especially when there was truly no exclusivity then.. I guess the next step is discussing a break up or parenthood for us.

    • Show All
    • Sound advice :{ Thank you :}

    • Your welcome :-)

Loading...