Would you be OK with someone changing for you?

So I've started dating this girl who has had a crush on me for a couple years. (Not a very active one, per say, but one none the less.)

Since we've started dating, she's been making what she thinks are sneaky, but are really totally obvious attempts to be the person she thinks I want her to be. To be clear, I have never asked her to change. But she has even gone so far as to start getting a tattoo that she knew I would hate (she was right, its a tramp stamp with curse words! bleck) laser removed.

Shes changed other stuff too.

I'm not sure what I think about all this. My last girlfriend was a very 'take it or leave it' kinda person. So was the one before that. Someone actually changing for me makes me kinda uncomfortable, but not completely turned off.

What are your experiences with this? Is this a red flag or is this alright?


0|0
4|3

Most Helpful Girl

  • i date the person as they are because I like them that way. I don't date a person I would want to change. if they decided they wanted to work on some habits that maybe bother me a little bit or take my advice on certain things than that's very sweet and I'm all for it.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 3

  • To an extent people change themselves all of the time in a relationship. However I think what you're talking about is taking it a little too far (the tattoo). I too think you should talk with her in a nice/gentle way and just reassure her that you really like her the way she is.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Call her on it, but be gentle. She needs to understand you like her for her. Perhaps she's afraid you'll leave her if she doesn't act a certain way, help her to overcome this and explain that you don't need her to change, that you like that she has her own way of thinking.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's a red flag.I hate it.I want them to stay the way they were when I first met them :(

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 3

  • We all change. But when we exclusively change ourselves to try to please or make a better match with someone else it usually don't end well in the long run. The person is killing parts of themselves and eventually they can't keep up the masquerade.

    The person will also feel that their "real" self is not good enough and the self esteem will take a blow whenever they change to fit in.

    She wants to be accepted and appreciated and hopes that her changing will accomplish this. The thought is nice but it's not really a balanced and healthy way of doing it. She needs to find herself and be proud of that.

    If you really like this girl I'd suggest that you help her find her inner strength and confidence and let her know that she is good just they way she is. If this is what you feel.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I would be very worried but I have no idea how to handle it. I really don't know. It's not a 'red flag', I mean, clearly she wants to impress you. But, consider telling her, y'know... You're dating HER, not who she imagines you want her to be. And ask her why she feels she has to change for you, and hopefully you'll get to the bottom of it.

    She'll just be very insecure. Don't be hard on her. But, it's nothing to worry about. I'd rather have someone that engaging and loving to, like... Someone very distant and nonchalant, which is what I tend to get.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hey, this is a big GREEN light!

    . How many girls care what most guys think these days? hang on to this girl, who actually listens to you and changes her style based on what you say!

    0|0
    1|0
Loading...