Do dating tips work?!

I don't think there should be rules to follow when dating I think it puts too much stress on a person because they think they have to act a certain way.

Just do your own thing!

Guys and girls do you follow dating tips that you see in magazines?

ps who came up with the Do's and Don'ts of dating? ;)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The general rule of thumb used to be what Dave Chappelle said: "101 ways to please your man, by some woman." Basically, women giving other women dating advice about men was a disaster waiting to happen. An equally useless situation was when women would try to give "dating advice" to men. It would go something like this:

    1. Go up and talk to her, women like confidence in a man.

    2. Open up emotionally and make yourself vulnerable, women like a man who's sensitive.

    3. Don't let her pay, ever, unless you're cheap.

    4. [Insert other things you want your ideal man to do for you here], [insert emotional blackmail or other self-serving rule/justification here].

    I say that "used" to be the rule, because then the PUA movement started, which was really some new-wave anti-feminist movement. Now, I know some female anti-feminists are going to say that feminism actually helps PUAs, so, feminism and PUA-ism aren't really at odds but are in perfect harmony. I agree and understand, the same way that being female and critical of feminism are in perfect harmony.

    Yet, as open-minded as we can be about the world, men giving men and women "dating advice" basically sounds like this:

    1. Ignore her, you don't want to come across as some loser she usually rejects.

    2. Don't pay for anything, you don't want to be taken for a ride like the last 10 guys.

    Dating tips for women, by some man:

    1. [Insert fluffy useless crap here]

    2. Blow him daily.

    3. [More useless fluffy crap here]

    4. Make him food.

    5. [More useless crap to make advise seem legit]

    6. If you need more than 8 hours of your man's time per week, you don't need a boyfriend, you need a therapist!

    7. [More useless crap, maybe a personality quiz]

    8. Put out more often, preferably daily, or on demand.

    So, both men and women have come full-circle in that they both publish self-serving and insecurity-driven "dating advice" both for the opposite gender to read and for the same sex to read. At the end of the day, the best strategy is to completely ignore this information warfare and just do your own thing.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Depends on the tip.

    I think the basics (which are sometimes unavailable to people until really late in life) can be useful.

    For example, blurting out a promise and commitment of undying love to a person you really don't know is a bad idea, and probably won't work.

    Overly romantic grand gestures that are seen in the movies should be saved for when you're both ready. It's not as great an idea for a first date. Being sweet is fine, depending on the other person, like picking out a thing you remember that she would like is fine. Buying her an expensive Rolex isn't.

    Working on yourself, independent of any dating status is not just good dating advice, but good advice in general. Yet, we often forget it.

    Getting super drunk during the date is a bad idea.

    But "The 21 secrets to manipulate him/her into... blah blah blah" is not good. It shouldn't be about tricking someone into dating you; I don't follow that advice.

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  • I'm going to respectfully disagree here.

    I'm a person who used to be very shy with no friends, but over the past couple of years I became very social and outgoing. For many people, it comes innately, but for some, being good with people is something you genuinely have to work hard at. It's something you have to practice to get good at, like playing the piano.

    If I wanted to learn the piano, and someone just told me "smile and be yourself", it wouldn't really help me. The same with dating, as it is very general, to someone who needs to know the specifics of something.

    I get the overall point. You never want to try to be someone you are not or make it the main priority of your life to please strangers.

    But there ARE certain rules (though every rule does have exceptions). People say there aren't any rules, but there are faux pas, that if you commit them, you will be in a bad position.

    Things such as calling a girl 4 times in one day, asking her after the first date if you are adequate enough or saying a comment that could come out as unintentionally rude.

    As for magazines. I read them. Some of the tips I find useful. Many of the others I don't.

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  • I think a lot of dating advice is far too broad, theoretical, given because it "sounds good" but has no basis whatsoever, or caters to the person giving it like jdcpa said in his answer.

    People wanting to give advice generalize to make it usable to as many people as they can, while people hearing it just want an answer. They want a rule to follow by because things in the world (especially dating or just relating to a person) is VERY case-by-case.

    What people don't seem to realize is that it's harming them to think people are so predictable that they follow these specific little rules all the time. I do think people are predictable, but only to an extent. It's much more useful to teach people self comfort and awareness because this allows them to act in the moment, rather than wait for a guy or girl that happens to mesh with the script the person has practiced from the advice they've received.

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  • They work with the exception of shy people like myself. I get all these good tips here. Then I run out to my girl who doesn't know she's my girl cause I won't tell her, I'll take one look into her fantastic face and OH CRAP forget everything I know! Maybe I should take my lap logged in on gag. Then tell the girl I'm eyeballing I can't see good, which isn't a lie by any means. I'll have my tips from here and ask her if she would mind stepping me through it. I'll try not giving myself away or anything :D

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    • Hey wait, was that ^ my typos? Okay I'll take my laptop and have the girl step me through my shy dude advice :)

  • Dating tips work only in specific situations. But you also have be creative with these ideas fitting with your current scenario. They are like the formulas.

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  • I follow my own rules I guess. Like I see how far a girl is willing to go early in a relationship. That way I know how quickly he progressed with other guys and can get a good idea on how many men she has slept with

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