BOYS: Does a girl need to put out before you can continue a relationship with her?

I am a 24 year old girl. I have dated several guys in the past and all of them have expected sex on the first or second date...when I don't give in they stop talking to me. I have had one previous relationship (for about 4 months and I am not a virgin but at the same time not too experienced). Guys (and girls) often say I am beautiful and I get hit on a lot and asked out often..but its the same thing every time (guys keep trying to sleep with me). I am going to admit: I love casual dating but would prefer to sleep with one person...I find that impossible since every guy leaves me after I don't put out...

I have noticed that my friends (in relationships/with partners) all gave in on the first or second date...

Should I start doing this? I want sex but not a one night stand...


Most Helpful Guy

  • To reject you on the basis that you won't put out: Those guys must be jerks.

    I hate the terminology "put out" in the first place. It treats sex as though it is a service you must do for your man. And it also treats it as though it's an undesirable chore for a woman to have sex.

    But remember this also: The part that makes him a jerk is his disrespect of your personal values. NOT his desire to have sex that early. I'm not claiming you think this way, but I'm just reminding you: Be sure you know and remember this distinction.

    For instance, it's not uncommon for me to think "I would love to have sex with that girl" before even meeting her. I guide that feeling in such a way that it motivates me to get to know her, whether or not she would actually be interested in a sexual relationship at all. But nonetheless, the desire is there right off the bat, as it is for most guys.

    There's a way I describe how women and men tend to view sex, in my opinion:

    "For a man, sex helps turn the relationship into deeper love. For a woman, sex is something you don't do until you're already at deeper love."

    My advice to you is this:

    -Identify exactly how you feel about sex. When, where, why, and how.

    -Hold on to these values more strongly than you hold onto men.

    -Remember that these choices will reduce how many boyfriends you have, or how easy it'll be to find them. But remember that it is YOUR choice, and that a small number of good relationships is much better than a large number of bad ones.

    -There are a large number of guys out there who are pretty flexible, and you aren't exactly running into the cream-of-the-crop of my gender. I won't make any assumptions as to where you're meeting guys, but you should probably analyze that for yourself.

    -Remember that the more "traditionally manly" the guy is, the more likely you'll run into this conundrum. Traditional masculinity isn't actually our natural state, and you'll need to find a guy who acknowledges that.


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What Guys Said 8

  • No. Nope. No way. I don't want a girl "putting out." I don't even want to make out with a girl after the first date.

    I know, I'm old fashioned, but I don't kiss a girl until the second or third date, and even then, it's not making out.

    You may not believe it, but I respect a girl who doesn't put out for every guy she dates. In fact, if she does, it's a turn off. I don't want a girl who has slept with every guy they've dated, or even half of the guys she's dated (if she's dated a lot of guys).

  • Look, I'm no expert, but a general rule.

    If they want sex on the first date and won't wait longer, they don't want a relationship.

    Honestly, anyone who even says they want it on the first date but agrees to wait, will probably just leave once you finally do have sex anyways. Find a guy who doesn't expect to on the first date at all, and go from there.

  • i wouldn't expect anything serious if your going to put out so easily. guys that want sex right off the bat pretty much just want sex nothing serious. if you want friends with benefits make that clear

  • No. The guys are probably just scumballs. Don't do anything you're not ready for.

  • In due time you'll find a guy who accepts your views. Don't make obvious choices you'll regret in the near future.

  • not on the first dates, but I would expect that soon if we get into a relationship. I mean because if we are in a relationship I assume we are both trust and like each other enough to do it.

  • I can only speak from personal experience. I think there should be a natural progression to it. If you wanted to have sex on the first date id be totally turned off because its an intimate experience to me that should be done with somebody you have genuine feelings for. Meaningless sex just doesn't cut it for me, and having sex on the first date is almost definitely meaningless. Id suspect a guy that doesn't feel the same probably hasn't had sex with somebody they were deeply in love with (or probably ever been in love to begin with)

    At the same time, if you're the type that wants to wait till marriage/wait for a long time that would turn me off too. It would put wayyy too much pressure on intimacy because its been delayed so long. You date, it goes well, you date again, kiss, get more intimate and eventually have sex. I think there's nothing wrong with taking things slow, but there IS a problem with letting things stall.

    Dont think you have to have sex to find a guy. Look, if you're really beautiful, the only guys hitting on you will be sleazeballs. Most guys will think A. Out of my league B. She probably thinks she's out of my league C. She has to be taken. D. I like men. The few guys that are both confident enough to approach a beautiful woman AND aren't sleazeballs, guess what, they are taken. So you can do one of two thing. You can wait for the rare guy that is both confident enough to approach you and single or you can start approaching guys that come off as genuine. Sometimes they'll be taken, sometimes they'll just be too shy and closed off to loosen up, but sometimes that guy will realize you're interested and won't worry about the one thing that was stopping him from approaching a woman like you: embarrassment. So I say, seize the carp! (Bonus points to you if you get the reference haha)

  • It depends a lot on the guy and what he is used to, some if you did it within the 1st date they will still be with you for a long term, I've dated a girl for over a year that I met on intention as a ONS. But as a whole if the girl put out on the 1st date then I won't see her as anything more than a FWB or perhaps a short-term girlfriend.

    Personally, I try to get it from her on the 3rd or 4th date as I'd like to have some idea of sexual compatibility before we get into a relationship but if she is the type who won't do it outside of a relationship then I will get into it with her and wait for a month or so.

    Are you keeping in touch with the guys whom you been going on dates with? Maybe you are sending a wrong signal to them that you aren't interested in them and they ask for sex simply because they are testing waters and if you said no they just took it that you aren't into them.


What Girls Said 2

  • No if the guy really cared he ll wait until you are good and ready

    • That's what people always say but I'm begininng to think guys who really don't actually exist in the first place

    • Show All
    • @Rapandu that makes no sense. If you put out on the first date, yeah..the guy has a 70% of not wanting to get in a real relationship with you and probably just for booty call.

    • Sex shouldn't be the reason someone stays in a relationship or interested. Everyone should wait until they are married to do so, and I am sorry you all feel that way about men, but I have met plenty of guys willing to wait for the girl if he cared for her, like my man is waiting for me, and we have been together for a long time now, and if a relationship is built on sex and that is what determines to stay or go then the relationship will not last. God should be the main focus in a relationship

  • Don't be ridiculous, putting out on the first date..second date? Who does that?! And I am by no means traditional, to me that just screams easy lay and easy chick. Why buy the cow if the milks free, while that may be an old phrase, I find it true. Putting out on the first, second or even third date, is just tasteless in my opinion.

    And if I was a guy, and a chick put out that easily I'd more than likely just call her back for a booty call or not again, unless by some miracle you guys have a great chemistry and great connection, that's the only time I can see that working.

    Don't follow into those types of footstep, keep doing what you're doing. I have more respect for people like you than those who put out so much easily.