Get over someone or give it another try?

Hey guys,

Here`s my story/ problem:

One year ago, I met a really nice guy and we started going out. At first he behaved really cute. (driving me home, making little presents, planning special dates).

But then out of a sudden, (when I had the feeling our "relationship" was going to get closer) he behaved really strange. Not calling, texting only short and impersonal on fb.

I just don`t get it...every time we are together (doesn't matter if we are in restaurants, in cinema, bars, sports, or just staying home watching old movies) we really have a great time.

Then, after this dates (after getting closer every time)- there is silence from his side.

NO calls, no texts in the first couple of days..., then after 5,6 days when I finally get a message "hey...how are u? do you wanna meet today...", it`s always this kind of "just good friends text" what makes me really angry.

I am not used to this kind of guy. (my ex boyfriend was one of the nice guys who treated me like a princess in our entire relationship and we are still good friends).

I just don`t know what to do anymore.

I`ve tried different ways of finally getting him to commit.

For example

- the "we are just friends" way

- I don`t care about you, take it easy way

- and- finally- the" I really care about you" way

Nothing seems to help.

So I completely ignored his messages on Facebook but still kept on thinking of him.

We didn't have any contact for 2 months.

Then, I got a message from him saying..."Please...i`m going crazy...i miss you, lets talk about it"

I invited him to my home, we talked for hours...i told him everything I wish a guy to be in a relationship,...told him that I expect things like, "regularly calls, seeing each other on a regular basis, being there for each other"...

and he seems to agree. We had a special evening, talked and kissed a lot. I was full of hopes.

The following days I got messages like "Hey...how are u? Hope to see on weekend...sorry for not calling,- I have to take care of my mum" or " i`ll call you tomorrow... I've lost my recharger"... after 9 days still without a call and a few "friendly messages I finally had enough.

I wrote him a last message that I finally had enough, deleted him on fb and now i`m here.

I know that this whole thing is crazy and all my friends tell me to finally get over him.

I mean I "wasted" almost one year on this guy...

Still I don`t know how to move on...

I have a lot to learn at the university at the moment, and also my job.

I've been out on a few dates but none of the guys seems to move me in the way he did.

Am I crazy to hope that he will ever change? I don`t know why he`s acting this way...

Please give me some advice.

C Julia

(and sorry for my English...i`m trying to improve...but I guess I still have to learn a lot)

Updates:
Thanks for your answers.

I also want to add that he never acts like a friend, - he only plays the "friendcard" when it comes down to relationship things. To be fair, i`ve to tell you that he mainly knows the tough, independent side of me. I`m afraid to show him that i`m also that kind of girl who wants a man to rely on...And do you guys think a "kill switch" is interesting after one year? I mean there are so many clever, beautiful people out there..Why do we keep running back to each other

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hes clearly not that commited, and you seem alittle bit like a kill switch.. If you don't mind me saying...

    I can rectify this movement from him because, when I'm not really into a girl, I just hangout with her, and yes I do give her the "friend" feeling, but I don't try and kiss her... You guys have already surpassed the "friend" zone. He's clearly also afraid to fully commit with you. aka the friend vibe he puts out with you, and he disappears and reappears again... If he really wanted to commit he would, he wouldn't dipp for 4-5 days and then message you randomly. What's so important on his end that he can't make you one of those important topics as well. Get what I mean?

    It all comes down to you. Either kill it, or keep repeating the same pattern.

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    • Do you think that if a guy really want to commit he would make the first step? Or is it possible that i`ve shown him too much of my indep. side that he thinks my interest isn`t big enough?

      I`m just too afraid to loose my last bit of pride, if I tell him & he would continue the old way...

    • Listen, if he wanted to do the "WHOLE 9 YARDS" with you, he would have done it by now. And by whole 9 yards I mean, you spend time with him, he holds your hand when your out, he sees you right after work, he listens to your headaches and you aswell, he goes to your family stuff, you go to his family stuff, you guys share deep secrets, and so on and so forth. It would have happenend by now. There is something stopping him from taking the "DIVE" with you.

    • Normally when I'm in a situation like this, and say for example I like this girl I take her out, and then she doesn't ring me for a couple of days, and then after she rings, and I take her out again, and she does the samething, I just cut it. Cause its the same thing all the time. Its a re-occuring event that hasn't progressed you from the "back seat" to the "front seat" get what I mean? aka you guys being one, you guys working together. Ur still in the same spot. In your case, your still the friend.

What Guys Said 1

  • I think you could talk to him, but don't delude yourself too much.

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