DTR: A part-time boyfriend, a booty call, a cuddle buddy, or something else?

I'm having trouble defining a new "relationship" that I'm in.

a) We met at a party, and after he got my number I went back to cuddle at his place, spending the entire night there. He was extremely respectful and seemed content just holding me.

b) After spending the night he texted me everyday for about a week and a half. He also asked me to hang out frequently, however "cuddling" or partying was often his tagline, and every time I agreed to hang out I ended up staying over.

c)During one sleepover we talked about how he doesn't want a relationship but he likes me, and isn't talking to anyone else. He claims that the only reason he doesn't want a relationship is because it is a lot of work and drama, not because he wants to talk to other girls.

d) After about 2 weeks he stopped texting me every day. I don't initiate texts ever so this may be part of the problem, but it seems like disinterest on his part. When he does text me usually the same day he asks me to hang out or sleepover.

e) We often fool around some during our sleepovers, but whenever I do it is all about satisfying me and not him (although I try). He seems to get more out of seeing me be happy though, and he loves spontaneously giving me back massages and insists on holding my hand as I fall asleep in his arms, and kisses me on my forehead and strokes my hair and all that other mushy stuff.

f) He's said that he thinks I'm more attractive than he is, but I think he is incredibly hott so I feel like it's just BS. He also tries to curb his language around me and project himself as a smart person.

g) He doesn't have a problem talking about his family or friends or little details about his life, and he will listen to me (although I don't know how attentively).

h) Also he is totally aware that I am a virgin (although he most definitely is not) and completely respects it, and has never pushed me to do anything. In fact, he's even turned down one (drunken) attempt to loose it to him.

So does anyone have any idea what the heck this is or what it seems like he wants? Am I being used? And if I've started to like him, am I about to get hurt? I don't want to ask him because I don't want to seem too pushy.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like he's waiting for someone better to come along, and until then he has you.

    He's said he likes you but doesn't want to be your boyfriend- this is the first sign. If he Really liked you he would want to be the only boy in your life.

    Guys don't want to see the girl they have a crush on involved with other guys. The drama and work comments are excuses to keep things where they are, which is just fooling around.

    Think about it like this, the first time you met was at a party and before getting to know each other on a basic level, you started pysical contact.

    To keep you around he texted you for awhile. Now the only time he texts you is to cuddle (which leads to more) or partying, which leads to drinking, which leads to cuddling (which leads to more).

    Yes, he may like to talk to talk to you and is fine sharing information about himself, which a lot of people are. You are kind of like a friend that he gets to fool around with.

    You might think that he is showing a lot of respect to you by not taking your virginity while you were drunk, but he probably turned you down because he's afraid taking your virginity will make you think you are in a relationship now. Or because he thinks you could get very clingy. Or because he is a decent enough human being to know that he should should let you wait to give you virginity to someone who actually cares about you.

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    • In the meantime, ask him to hang out with you in one on one situations that can't lead to anything sexual. If he makes excuses and can only hang out on HIS terms (cuddling/fooling around), then you'll find out what you really mean to him. In the mean time, search around for guys who appreciate you in every aspect.

What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • He genuinely likes and respects you.

    But like he said, he is at a stage in life where he isn't ready to have a significant other.

    Having a woman in his company and arms fills the gap of feeling lonely.

    We all need to feel cared about.

    To be loved and touched.

    Even though he may not go all the way with you this is enough for him.

    You are a cuddle buddy, and maybe when he is ready for that step you two can potentially become something more.

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    • But who knows how long that will take. I wouldn't hope on it though. Just enjoy what you two have.

      If you want the same thing he wants, I don't see any harm in it.

  • I think he really likes you. Any guy that would hang out with a girl and be that respectful knowing she was a virgin likes that particular girl. This guy is a gentleman. I don't think you specified how long you have known this guy? any guy that hangs on that long without sex, in my opinion, likes the girl alot.If not just for her company.

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    • Just a month:P

    • thats still quite a long time for a guy that you say is hot and IM assuming around your age to stick around. :)

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