Lying about age for online dating, OK or not?

I am 43 years old, coming out of a long term relationship, and wanting to give online dating a shot, not for the fun of it, but to find a partner. I look very young for my age, most guess 35 and I'm wondering if it's really a big deal to lie and say I'm 38 in my profile (instead of 43)?

I look young. I'm very active, in great shape, probably act younger than my age and have always dated women much younger than me, 7-12 years younger. Most women I've dated said they normally wouldn't have dated someone my age but once they got to know me, it wasn't a big deal because I seemed so much younger.

The reason I'd lie in my profile is

1) so I wouldn't get shot down right off the bat because of my age if I emailed a woman

2) so I would show up in search results of women in the age range I'd be looking at.

3) I'm looking at partners 32-38.

I know it's not a great way to start off a relationship with a potential future wife, but I feel once I met her, and she got to know me, she might be understanding.

I also want to have kids so women around my age would make it difficult.

Is it really a big deal?

Updates:
Here's a little follow up but I ended up lying about my age, but only in my profile, & said I was 38. The 1st girl (32 years old) seemed OK with it when I told her on 2nd date but I stopped hearing from her. The 2nd girl (also 32) I dated for a month plus after I told her on the 1st date.I asked her if she would have gone out with me had I put 43 in my profile & she said no & would have assumed my pics were old. However after meeting me she saw how much younger I seemed, even younger than 38

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Imagine if you found out a woman lied some about her appearance, height, weight, or hey even er age, so that she could get in the door? Granted, you'd find out a lot quicker once you met her the first time if it was appearance based, but it doesn't feel so great being deceived. You may want to date younger women (go figure) but they may not want to date you. They have that right. So if you don't want people lying about themselves, maybe she's a woman in her 40's lying about her age too because she looks so good, then don't do it to them. Just because you look young and prefer younger women is no excuse.

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    • I'd also like to point out that any sort of lying will most likely result in her blowing you off, but especially so when it comes to age. You'll automatically look like one of those creepy ageists that is overly concerned about "the younger the better." So you now not only come across as a liar, but shallow too.

What Girls Said 9

  • If you start lying off of the bat, that is something that is not a good look.

    If someone is dating you eventually they will find out how old you really are,

    then they will start to think well what else is he lying about?

    You do not want a great relationship to fall at the ends of the rocks

    because you lied about something that you should have been honest about in the first place.

    A lot of women love older men.

    You should feel more secure about your age.

    You have already listed the ton of compliments you get when people find out how old you really are.

    Rock your 40's and be proud.

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  • I think you should say the truth..us girls love it! And be very precise about your desire to meet younger women...we would understand you if it's for having kids.

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  • Agreed. I don't think it's a good idea. While you may look young and age doesn't matter to some, it's still lying. If you end up dating someone it really wouldn't be a great start to a relationship.

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  • I think honesty is always the best policy. I'm pretty sure most women will care more about a lie then age, even if the lie rather insignificant. Also remember there actually lots of attractive young women that are naturally attracted to older men. I'm living proof of that, my friends joke that I'm a "teleiophile".

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  • Lying isn't a great way to start a relationship, whether it is platonic or romantic. So no, don't lie about your age.

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  • Definitely not okay. Never start a relationship based on a lie.

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  • I mean why lie about your age? They are going to know eventually. I think you shouldn't. The ones who do come and accept that in the beginning are the ones you should be looking for.

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  • If you look good, you look good. Your age probably doesn't matter as much as you think it does. I think it's always better to be truthful. People lie enough on those dating sites as it is.

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    • I hear what you are saying, but if someone just sees my age and shoots me down because they haven't seen me in person, or don't realize that I seem much younger, won't I be better off just getting the initial meeting with a little lie about my age, than not getting a meeting at all?

    • Maybe...but what if you tell the girl when you meet up and she gets upset that you fibbed and walks off? You never know. I guess you could try both, start with your real age, if that doesn't seem to be working maybe lower it like you said and see if that changes anything? Just a thought

  • It's not a good idea to lie about your age. So I wouldn't do it. Just be proud of your age. It's just a number.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Yeah, but when you do go out with them and they find out you lied about an 8 year difference, they will probably reject you. Not just for being old. But for lying about it.

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