Seriously, I'm sick of hearing, "show some confidence, women like that in a man" or "Confidence attracts women." I think that "Confidence" thing is crap, everybody knows women are attracted to money, cars, bad boys, and alcoholics. I don't believe in having Confidence when it comes to dating, because I don't need a woman in my life to make me happy and I don't try to approach them at all. I see guys trying to attract women at my college a the time and it looks exhausting, I couldn't put myself through that torture. So my question is, why does everybody talk about confidence when it comes to dating? I personally don't believe in "confidence."
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I'm quite sick of it myself but I think for difference reasons that you. I don't mind the idea of being confident. As a matter of fact, confidence really benefits you in more aspects of life than just dating and it took me about 21 years of my life to figure that out. So I guess I can thank girls and dating for that. However what really frustrates me is that girls and guy a like preach this as the end all be all. "if you're confident, any girl will date you, even if you look like an ogre". Ok, they're not actually saying that but you know what I mean.
Confidence is poorly portrayed by men and women alike, especially women. Ironically I've always felt that taking dating advice from a women is the worst idea ever, even though its women who you are after. The problem is unlike men, women are not logical thinkers (at least not absolutely). Emotion out ways logic in the dating game more so for women than men. As a result, what this looks like is a disconnect between their actions and their words. A extreme yet good example of this is how girls preach about wanting nice guys, but they fall for jerks. There actions speak differently than their words. Same goes for confidence. So when a girl tells you how to be confident, take it with a grain of salt. Same thing when a girl tells you its all you need to be attractive. If you were already very good looking, had money, style, talent, etc., then yes, confidence would be all that's really left. So in some respects that really is all that some guys need to be successful, because they were born with everything else. But my guess is that's not you.
Confidence is abstract. I still battle with this myself. When a girl says be confident, what does that actually mean? What does it look like? Well I think I have a general idea and people can feel free to share their thoughts. I find that confidence can take many forms. To make this easier, I'll just list things that show confidence.
1. You don't fear rejection. If people can look at you and say "damn that guy has balls", then they're going to think you are confident. You know the consequences of failure in whatever you are doing and you just don't' care. Especially when going after a girl.
2. You seem to know what you are doing. Girls are more socially adept that you, never forget that. I know the male ego will not allow you to believe that but its the truth, girls are better than us at this. As a result, they can tell when you are a deer in headlight and don't really know how to go about courting them. Even if you don't know what you are doing, act like you do.
3. You don't appear nervous. Don't stutter, second guess, fidget, or talk too quiet. The guy that blushes while rubbing his hands saying umm so umm in every sentence is not attractive.
4. Be a leader and have conviction. Even if its just picking a movie, you make the choice, not her, and believe in your choice don't think you have it right, know you have it right.4
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