Is he telling me the truth, is there any hope?

Alright, long story short, there is a guy I work with and he is a manager, I am a very discrete person and very private person. I was way too shy to ask him on a date myself, the date was just basically I want to get to know you. Anyway I had a girl talk to him for me and he gave her two reasons why he can't say yes. One he said to her if we were to start talking and she is only a crew member, and someone caught wind of it whose to say that others would not feel I was showing favoritism. It's nothing against her at all, but also I have too many issues going on with my child's mother to really start anything with someone new. Do I just need to let it go, or is there another way with some time passing that the odds would be in my favor. He is just so sweet and cute, or is it simple he is just not that into me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If anything, I find him to be a really honest person. Sounds like someone with good character. Anyone who considers others before their own desires is someone I'd like to get know and keep as a friend, so I see what your attraction is all about.

    I think he was being honest about both issues. Conflict of interest and baby mama drama are two very serious issues, big enough to discourage the possibility of starting something as time consuming and emotionally taxing as a new relationship.

    He didn't come up with frivolous excuses like, well, I'm super busy or I'm kind of seeing somebody right now. His response tells me he actually considered you, but those issues outweighed the idea of even going there. He sounds like a stand up guy so take him at his word. He's uncomfortable about the affects it could have on his work life and that would seriously suck since his personal life seems to be full of drama as well.

    I think you need to remove your own personal feelings from the situation and understand his circumstances. Yes, I suggest you move on. If you really like him, be willing to wait it out. Become a confidant or a friend so that you can stay in contact on a more personal level. This will allow you to stay close enough to seize the opportunity to give it another try the moment he seems to be a better space. Just don't hang around pining away. You're not doing yourself any favors.

    Hope this helped. I wish you luck in love.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It's not that he's not into you.

    And no, waiting any length of time won't change the fact that you work for him.

    He told you the basic truth. No need to go looking for other hidden meanings.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Well he must be someone you are quite interested in because you would have asked him out AND he told you several strong reasons why he cannot date you, but you are still holding out hope.

    So:

    1. Managers cannot date the people they supervise. Employees have sued companies after romances go bad, claiming their manager committed quid pro quo sexual harassment. Quid pro quo means this for that and it means they felt pressured into having sex or losing their jobs. Also, yes, other co-workers would definitely assume favoritism and that can get real ugly.

    2. Baby mama drama will definitely keep a guy's penis in his pants for a while. The guy already has a child, maybe the drama is tied into the possibility of fixing their relationship, who knows, but that can make the idea of dating just not worth it.

    3. All dates should be about getting to know someone and there is no reason to ask a guy out or send a friend to do the asking. If a guy is in to you he will figure out how to ask you out. You can see why this guy was not asking you out now.

    I would definitely let it go. If the job isn't that worth it to you, you could always quit and see what happened but I wouldn't hold your breathe.

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  • The number one thing that I noticed is that he's your manager... legally he can't date you. But, he sounds like a great guy. At this moment, with your jobs and where he says his personal life is, I would say that there's not really a chance of it working out in the near future. However, definitely still pursue a friendship with him! Who knows, positions change and his personal life will become easier... it could happen maybe along down the road.

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