I broke up with my ex 6 months ago. It ended quite badly. We lived two hours away because of my school and he lived in my hometown. We'd been having some problems because I felt like we didn't see each other enough, and to me, he seemed more focused on himself and playing a video game he wanted to play professionally. The last conversation we had with each other was just recognizing we were going to be very busy the last two weeks I was away, and to calm it down on the arguing and yelling, we'd spend a lot of time with each other over the summer, and do the activities we had planned. He promised he would be better, but I told him I wasn't going to wait around if he couldn't give me enough time. He said he would. During the first week, he had contacted me once just to say hello and he made pro with his team, and I contacted him a few days later to send him a picture saying I was thinking about him. By the next week, we hadn't spoken in about 4 or 5 days, so I texted him to see how he was doing. He said he was doing fine, just practicing with his team and working on his exams. I let him know I was coming home on our anniversary in the afternoon, he said he was "working :(".
What went through my mind was that we weren't together anymore, and that he really didn't want to be with me, if he couldn't at least make time to see his girl when she gets home. And it was pretty lame we hadn't really spoken in two weeks. I had a bad time detaching from him already, so I was extremely upset when he told me that, but bottled it up and said nothing to try to calm down.
On the day I came home, he texted me early that morning and said "happy 6 months" and I said "Thank you, when you're ready to talk, I'm here". He said "Something wrong?", I said "I was about to ask you the same". He said he was fine. And then we didn't speak for the rest of the day. My mother advised me that I should just see how things pan out and to just not contact him until I was ready, but I was extremely upset how this happened, but I had no control to do anything else, in fear I'd rock the boat and ruin the rest of the day. I had something written out for our anniversary, but I left it deleted. The next day, I called him, left a message and said I took our relationship status down on Facebook, and it wasn't working out for me. I'd like to try again in the future, but it seems like right now we aren't on the same page.
About 30 minutes later, he called me back and asked why I called, he said he didn't get my message. I repeated what I said in the message. He said "What are you talking about? I was busy, I was trying to get things set up for my new school, I was working on exams, I was working with my team, I haven't even slept and I've passed out that's how busy I was. I was just busy" I said "Yeah, but two weeks is a long time not to talk. I forgot we were dating. I didn't know you were that busy, I hardly heard from you, and I was worried." "I had told you I was going to be busy"
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"The next day, I called him, left a message and said I took our relationship status down on Facebook, and it wasn't working out for me."
Okay, so you wanted to break up with him.
"Two hours later, he had deleted our pictures, me from Facebook and from Skype. I FELT HORRIBLE. I couldn't sleep for days, I cried for the next four months, every single night."
Okay, so you didn't REALLY want to break up with him, you wanted to scare him into acting the way you wanted by breaking up with him. Bad move.
When you're in a relationship, you're supposed to talk about how you're feeling and try to work your problems out, instead of "I was extremely upset when he told me that, but bottled it up and said nothing to try to calm down."
"he texted me early that morning and said "happy 6 months" and I said "Thank you, when you're ready to talk, I'm here". He said "Something wrong?", I said "I was about to ask you the same". He said he was fine. And then we didn't speak for the rest of the day."
Why? Instead of saying "I was about to ask you that" you should have said "A little. We don't talk very much, and I'm not really feeling wanted".
You both knew that you were going to be busy. He thought you understood that. If you had told him "Even though we're going to be apart and busy, I'd like us to still maintain some kind of contact every day" then he may have been willing to comply, and you wouldn't have sat there for days creating this whole problem in your head.
Breaking up with someone to get them to panic and do what you want is manipulative and nasty. You might not have realized that it's what you were doing at the time, but that IS what you were doing, or two hours later you'd have been relieved that he was going along with the breakup instead of feeling horribly upset over it.
Of course your friends are telling you that he treated you like sh*t. They're your friends. His friends are telling him that you're a crazy psycho bitch and he should be glad things ended sooner than later.
I'm not his friend, and I'm not your friend, and I'm going to tell you that this breakup is entirely your fault, that his cutting you off was entirely appropriate. I'm going to tell you that he did NOT treat you like sh*t, but you're not a crazy psycho bitch either. You just need to learn to communicate with your partner about problems that you're having instead of building them up to epic proportions in your head and then jumping ship before you're ready.0
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