My breakup story. How do I get over it?

I broke up with my ex 6 months ago. It ended quite badly. We lived two hours away because of my school and he lived in my hometown. We'd been having some problems because I felt like we didn't see each other enough, and to me, he seemed more focused on himself and playing a video game he wanted to play professionally. The last conversation we had with each other was just recognizing we were going to be very busy the last two weeks I was away, and to calm it down on the arguing and yelling, we'd spend a lot of time with each other over the summer, and do the activities we had planned. He promised he would be better, but I told him I wasn't going to wait around if he couldn't give me enough time. He said he would. During the first week, he had contacted me once just to say hello and he made pro with his team, and I contacted him a few days later to send him a picture saying I was thinking about him. By the next week, we hadn't spoken in about 4 or 5 days, so I texted him to see how he was doing. He said he was doing fine, just practicing with his team and working on his exams. I let him know I was coming home on our anniversary in the afternoon, he said he was "working :(".

What went through my mind was that we weren't together anymore, and that he really didn't want to be with me, if he couldn't at least make time to see his girl when she gets home. And it was pretty lame we hadn't really spoken in two weeks. I had a bad time detaching from him already, so I was extremely upset when he told me that, but bottled it up and said nothing to try to calm down.

On the day I came home, he texted me early that morning and said "happy 6 months" and I said "Thank you, when you're ready to talk, I'm here". He said "Something wrong?", I said "I was about to ask you the same". He said he was fine. And then we didn't speak for the rest of the day. My mother advised me that I should just see how things pan out and to just not contact him until I was ready, but I was extremely upset how this happened, but I had no control to do anything else, in fear I'd rock the boat and ruin the rest of the day. I had something written out for our anniversary, but I left it deleted. The next day, I called him, left a message and said I took our relationship status down on Facebook, and it wasn't working out for me. I'd like to try again in the future, but it seems like right now we aren't on the same page.

About 30 minutes later, he called me back and asked why I called, he said he didn't get my message. I repeated what I said in the message. He said "What are you talking about? I was busy, I was trying to get things set up for my new school, I was working on exams, I was working with my team, I haven't even slept and I've passed out that's how busy I was. I was just busy" I said "Yeah, but two weeks is a long time not to talk. I forgot we were dating. I didn't know you were that busy, I hardly heard from you, and I was worried." "I had told you I was going to be busy"

Updates:
"It just seems like right now we don't have enough time for each other" "If that's what makes you happy..." "You do make me happy, *guys name* but we don't treat each other well and we don't have a sound footing at all" "Fine" "Wow... you really aren't going to say anything?" "No. If this is what you want, then fine." *long pause* "Well I guess next time I'll treat you the way I want to be treated." He hung up the phone. Two hours later, he had deleted our pictures, me from Facebook and from
Skype. I FELT HORRIBLE. I couldn't sleep for days, I cried for the next four months, every single night. Two days after the breakup talk, I texted him while he was at work to ask if we could talk, I had overreacted and said some things that weren't right, and he ignored me. He went on our camping trip we had planned with friends, alone. I tried calling him once a week, he would never pick up. By June, I sent him a message on Facebook asking to talk, saying our demise was my fault and I overreact
ed and that I did want to be with him, basically. I believe he read it, he never responded. July I told him I still cared about him and that we had something special, I knew he was ignoring me, if he wanted me out to just say something, I felt unresolved. No response, and he blocked me from Facebook. By August I was angry and told him I hope he finds what he's looking for, because his friends told me they all knew he treated me like sh*t and I don't want his stuff anymore, he can come get it

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "The next day, I called him, left a message and said I took our relationship status down on Facebook, and it wasn't working out for me."

    Okay, so you wanted to break up with him.

    "Two hours later, he had deleted our pictures, me from Facebook and from Skype. I FELT HORRIBLE. I couldn't sleep for days, I cried for the next four months, every single night."

    Okay, so you didn't REALLY want to break up with him, you wanted to scare him into acting the way you wanted by breaking up with him. Bad move.

    When you're in a relationship, you're supposed to talk about how you're feeling and try to work your problems out, instead of "I was extremely upset when he told me that, but bottled it up and said nothing to try to calm down."

    "he texted me early that morning and said "happy 6 months" and I said "Thank you, when you're ready to talk, I'm here". He said "Something wrong?", I said "I was about to ask you the same". He said he was fine. And then we didn't speak for the rest of the day."

    Why? Instead of saying "I was about to ask you that" you should have said "A little. We don't talk very much, and I'm not really feeling wanted".

    You both knew that you were going to be busy. He thought you understood that. If you had told him "Even though we're going to be apart and busy, I'd like us to still maintain some kind of contact every day" then he may have been willing to comply, and you wouldn't have sat there for days creating this whole problem in your head.

    Breaking up with someone to get them to panic and do what you want is manipulative and nasty. You might not have realized that it's what you were doing at the time, but that IS what you were doing, or two hours later you'd have been relieved that he was going along with the breakup instead of feeling horribly upset over it.

    Of course your friends are telling you that he treated you like sh*t. They're your friends. His friends are telling him that you're a crazy psycho bitch and he should be glad things ended sooner than later.

    I'm not his friend, and I'm not your friend, and I'm going to tell you that this breakup is entirely your fault, that his cutting you off was entirely appropriate. I'm going to tell you that he did NOT treat you like sh*t, but you're not a crazy psycho bitch either. You just need to learn to communicate with your partner about problems that you're having instead of building them up to epic proportions in your head and then jumping ship before you're ready.

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    • so then what do I do now?

    • Show All
    • why didn't I tell him that? because I was done with having to explain my feelings a lot, and I didn't want to rock the boat. and during that last conversation, he did ask me what I wanted, and I expressed I wanted more communication and time with him. so I felt like he understood that. during the last two weeks, I tried focusing on myself because I was very dependent on him, and thought it would make him happier if I left him alone instead of jumping down his throat a lot.

    • i'd told him that even though I was busy with my new school and 15 hours of coursework, that I felt like I was bending over backwards to see him, and I'm not getting the same from him. and he said he understood my frustration, but that he's just been busy with family and everything and he needed me to be understanding of that, and he really would appreciate it if I stopped yelling at him.

What Guys Said 2

  • He's focused totally on himself and does'nt even understand why you are upset with his lack of attention. These video gamers are reallly a trip, Obsesssion is seemingly required in their world.

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  • Frankly speaking, you need to grow up a bit. You're an attention seeker, somewhat similar to my ex who created a nasty situation by spreading all smack of me in front of my friends. It didn't really matter to me, but I unknowingly gave her attention which she never deserved actually.

    Your boyfriends' cutting contact with you was appropriate. He has his own priorities and life. He can't really visit you every alternative day and focus on his goals at the same time.

    Dont try to get back to him now. He won't be taking you back either ways.

    But I'm glad you're not like my ex. She didn't even apologize to me for spreading all smack of me just to prove to her friends that she was the good person. Just another case of entitlement syndrome!

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