Is my brother likely to change at this point ? He is straight, but no interest in pursuing girls at 28

He says he simply likes to be in the physical proximity of them every once in a while. Frankly he doesn't socialize at all...he's always by himself. If he's not isolated in his apartment, he is running in the park alone or in a bookstore alone. He puts headphones on to make sure people don't talk to him.

Something that kinda worried me was how he told me that the gets the occasional desire to love someone and care for her, but he simply solves it by kissing his arm and imagining it. It wears off "after a couple of hours, tops"

He's always been kinda off. Deep depression in adolescence to the point of multiple hospitalizations, never had a girlfriend or even a date. Only a few male acquaintances but no true friends.

I'm not trying to change him, I'm just curious if I'd ever see him get in a relationship. I wish I could be an uncle. If you could make a prediction, and ladies especially...would you even date someone with that sort of history? I figure if you've not done something by a certain point, you just kinda miss it and it's over.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My bros like that I never got him I think he maybe asexual too but apparently he's bisexual well that's what he says. Anywhoo I found our recently that as a child he went through a traumatic experience and it explains why he is the way he is now. He tells me he dealt with the past but I don't think so, cos he does exactly what your brother does. I know my brother hasn't come to terms with his past he just locked it way and is unaware that he's behavior is strange.

    I personally wouldn't want to date a person like that because there's too much baggage involved however I don't mind being a good friend to them, to help them deal with their issues.

    I strongly believe that you should love yourself and know yourself before you enter into a meaningful relationship and I wouldn't be compatible with someone like that.

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    • Met up with him the other night. He admitted that he's just given up on finding love from all the rejection, neglect, abuse etc. that he's been through. I suppose that's what you mean by baggage, lol.

    • Yes that's exactly what I mean lol sorry I didn't mean to sound insensitive when I said that I just meant that people who carry around a lot of things that they should get rid of in order to move on and be better people.

      Thanks for the BA by the way :)

What Girls Said 5

  • He may be asexual... I know a guy who said he was so I googled it...

    Sorry but I'm not level 4 so can't add a link but just google, 'asexual'.

    Only way to truly know though is by talking to your brother.

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  • wow, that's bad. if he asked me out and he wasn't in serious depression yea id date him. as long as he didn't let his past effect us id be okay with it

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  • He has depression...he must feel very lonely...yes I wouldn't mind dating a person like that,infact I'd rather those kinds of guys over others,since they tend to be very different and deep...since you are the one taking care of him you should try to convince him to see a therapist,she should be a girl,that could really help him see a better view of females than whichever one he has in his head...

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  • There's nothing wrong with someone not being interested in dating or anything like that. It's not by force to be in a relationship or to have sex or anything. Some people just don't give a crap about things like that, and it's completely normal.

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  • As long as he's happy who cares? It may not be as big of a deal to him as it is to you. Plus you never know, he could be asexual.

    I'm similar except I don't do the arm kissing and I'm not asexual, I just have an extremely low sex drive so I'm more similar to a heteromantic asexual than a heterosexual, kinda in that gray area between asexual and heterosexual but leaning way more to asexual.

    Yes I would date someone with that history as long he had the qualities I like.

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What Guys Said 8

  • I want to be in a relationship, but the right kind for me. Until then, I'm really not keen on "forcing" the issue. There are other things that I want to work on, and the wrong kind of girl could be toxic for me right now.

    I'm different in that I do like women, WANT a girlfriend, but... right now, I'm torn. I'm interested, but not in the typical girls. Until I can fix certain things (like work problems), I'm probably not going to find someone I'd want to date seriously.

    Who knows? Your brother could change.. or he might just have low interest his whole life. This could be medical, but if it doesn't seem to hinder his life, then OK. Meaning that with the long bouts of depression, it should be looked at, but otherwise, while not the usual, it's not necessarily a horrible thing. There are people out there who can be awesome people by themselves, and sometimes relationships might hurt their potential.

    If kids are important to you, perhaps you can be a "big brother" or have some other mentor role. Eventually, you may be at a point where you can be a parent yourself.

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  • Sounds like me to be honest as much as I, want Girlfriend I just can't see myself dating at the moment. I see guys with girls all the time and I say why can't the be me? I know when I'm out with my older sister women just assume I'm dating her which is gross, but I can understand their POV. He probably needs to rethink things.

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  • He probably won't change unless he wants to.

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  • im the same exact way, but I don't do the whole kissing arm thing lol

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  • Maybe he doesn't like himself

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  • I'm kind of like this, so I'd like to hear answers. Except I'm not asexual. It's just come down to the fact I've been so busy pursuing my own endeavors that I never had time to date. But I would like to.

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  • he sounds a little like meursault from the stranger...

    did he suffer through anything as a child or something?

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  • Sounds like he's been deeply affected by his troubled past.

    Being denied his biological imperative to mate for extended periods can really mess with a man's head. Living without it for long enough, and like your brother, they just disconnect, stop caring, accept their unfortunate predicament as their reality.

    He is hurting, I'm sure of it. But he is lucky that he's got you to care about him, because no woman will ever be able to understand what men like him go through. Just look at the c••ty attitudes of women on this site.

    If you want to help him, let him know that he's not alone, and that he can improve things, because other men have been dragged through the sh*t and recovered.

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