In all seriousness, what do girls want in a guy? Not a generic question.

I know this question is oh so cliche, but I want serious answers and an explanation to my situation, if you can give one.

I was dating (not relationship) and seeing a great girl for nearly 2 months. We had a few dates and hung out alot. We were affectionate with each other, and she made the first moves...the first kiss, first attempts to hold hands, etc. I almost felt like a couple. I started to develop feelings for her. I sent her flowers at work, called her such things as gorgeous, and was a perfect gentleman with her (opened doors for her, gave me my hoodie when cold, etc.

Then came a situation in which she was at my apartment drunk alone with me after drinking with friends. We talked laughed, and made out, etc. I couldve easily taken advantage of her but didn't because I didn't want to rush to sleeping with her, especially drunk. I then gave her my bed to pass out on (lol) and I took the couch.

I finally broke down and told her I cared about her and had feelings for her and that I asked her how she felt. She responded "I like you and think you're sweet." This was last week and I havent' heard from her since. She doesn't respond to texts, etc.

Obviously, she doesn't feel the same for me that I do her. My basic question: I thought I did everything perfectly. I showed her that I was in the long haul and cared for her, not just sex like many guys want. She confused me and I feel played. What hurts even more is that she made all the first moves, kissing, etc.

What type of guy do girls want? Have you given up hope on the type of guy I am? Are you looking for hookups like most guys? Do you prefer the "bad boys?" Am I going to have to change myself to find my dream girl?


0|0
9|3

Most Helpful Girl

  • Her actions sounds pretty dishonest; I don't think that it reflects at all on you. But to address your question, there are actually two issues: what a girl wants in a relationship, and what she wants in a man.

    In this case, given that the girl is probably around your age, it's likely that she wasn't looking for romantic flamboyance, and that your well-meaning gestures, which would certainly work on many other girls, didn't appeal to her. A woman's goal for a relationship changes depending on her situation (I, for one, am pretty busy trying for a Ph.D. to exert too much emotional energy), where she is in her life, her upbringing, and her personality, and there's no one right answer. Of course, while girls our age like to pretend that we're mature, we can be incredibly juvenile, and this girl's failure to communicate her personal desires to you didn't indicate anything other that her own immaturity. Personally, I feel that overly romantic gestures put unwanted pressure on me to reciprocate, but a fair number of my friends absolutely love the flowers-and-chocolates-and-chivalry paradigm. Don't change, just choose women who share your tastes.

    What women like in men varies dramatically as well. In my case, intelligence, ethics, and humor are the three biggest criteria. An intellectually ambitious, irreverent, charismatic guy with whom I can enjoy both the conversation and the sex is my ideal (especially if he has a polished Cambridge accent). He should also like seafood, science fiction, and BBC period pieces. However, regardless of specific tastes, absolutely none of the girls that you'll want to know want to be mistreated, and your sensitivity and ability to love will serve you very well. I have at least four friends who would marry you on the spot.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I agree with your analysis,well said. Girls like your 4 friends are rare lol

    • Depends on where you look. Just sit down in a coffee shop with a Jane Austen novel and you'll be flooded with options.

      A temperate, caring gentleman appeals to a lot of girls, just as long as none of the emotional progression feels forced.

What Girls Said 8

  • She just wasn't the right girl for you. When you find her you shouldn't have to change who you are and if she doesn't appreciate you for being yourself odds are she's not the right one. Bad boys are overrated, its better to just to treat a girl with respect. It also depends the girl on what she wants in a guy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • We want everything and nothing. This is something you can't generalize. Every woman is different. Some might be similar but non are the same.

    1|1
    0|0
  • This is not your fault I know these types of women and your dealing with a girl that doesn't know what she wants .

    some of us don't know what we want some of us do she's that type she needs to sit down and have a long thought about what she wants .

    nothing is wrong with you what you need to do is date other women who know what they want .

    and yes she did play you but what you need to do right now is to stand on your feet and keep trying don't give up not all women are like this.

    0|0
    0|0
    • so I shoud let this one go? After going out with a guy for nearly 2 months and just stopping communication do you think she's thinking about me at all?

    • Yes I think you should let this one go don't chase her she's not worth it . she might not be thinking about if she is she probably feels bad for hurting but let this one go it's' not worth it

  • I think you sound like the perfect guy. I'm in college and I feel like it is so hard to find a guy that wants to be with someone because of who they are and not the physical benefits that come with the relationship. There are tons of girls out there who are looking for a guy who is just like you. Don't change the way you are because if someone is right for you they will accept who you are.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I hear that alot, yet its difficult to find a girl like you...the type that appreciates the nice guys. I've only honestly met one and she cheated on me lol

  • a sexy body

    0|0
    0|0
  • no, it's her, not you.

    really. that sounds like she really led you on. that was pretty bitchy of her.

    trust me from someone who has liked many bad boys...it's not worth it. it's usually just a phase. the smart women grow out of it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • We think we know what we want, then something happens and we aren't so sure anymore.

    I can relate to her a little because if a guy does something to indicate he's serious and is thinking about some level of commitment when I'm not ready for that yet, I run. It's not that I don't like the guy. Sometimes it's more about the way things are said than what is said. If a guy sat me down and had a serious conversation that he had feelings for me and cared about me, I'd probably feel a little pressured. But if he just dropped little hints regularly throughout other conversations, I would react better. I know that might sound stupid because in the end, it's all the same anyway, but it does make a big difference to me.

    Keep acting like a gentleman and maybe you don't need give up on her just yet... you don't know why she hasn't been in touch. Maybe she just needs time to process what's going on or something. Give her space but still be available.

    0|0
    0|1
    • While I see your point about being pressured after a guy confesses his feelings, but I don't really see why I should just keep waiting for her. I think I've done all I can do. While the ball is in her court, its just hard for me to keep putting forth effort and waiting for a girl who doesn't feel the same way I do. I'll still be available because I don't really meet girls often...I don't go out to bars and have no means to meet new people other than setups so odds are I'm not going anywhere

  • First off: You did nothing wrong! You acted like the perfect gentlemen and gave her all the signs that you liked her AND respected her. Good for you!

    I think she may be a little confused about her feelings, though. Maybe she is coming off a bad relationship and is not ready for another one, or she was not looking for a real relationship at all. I think you need to get a hold of her, somehow, and talk to her face to face. You say you went drinking with friends, possibly get in touch with her through a friend. You have feelings for her, and you did everything right, but she seems to have run away. I would try one more time asking her her feelings and if she wants a relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
    • When she said that to me, it was face to face. Also, she hasn't responded to any texts except one and that's all. And she hasn't come off of a relationship...she hasn't been in one in a while. And I met her through a setup, so she wouldn't be not looking for a relationship, I would think.

    • I still think she's confused about her feelings. She initiated everything so maybe she wanted something, but when you came out and told her your feelings, she got scared and ran away. If I were you, I'd just let her know one more time that you like her and are willing to try a relationship with her, but if she doesn't want one right now, you respect her decision. You already put yourself out there, the balls in her court now and she has to make a decision.

What Guys Said 3

  • please, please for the love of god, do not act like one of those bad boy douche bag types, we have too many stupid people in the world, we can't have smart people turning stupid either. Girls want that until they are 30 aparently, so you changing into that would not benefit you in the long haul.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I agree...I don't wanna turn into that type and won't, but I find it rediculous that girls turn down the type that I (and maybe you) are.

    • Show All
    • I don't have the build for that. ...Im relatively skinny and can at tops put on 15 lbs of muscle lol

    • just gain that swimmers type of build then, that's what I'm aiming for

  • Most chicks are f***heads and don't know what the want. Their minds change daily.

    1|1
    0|0
  • We'll never know for sure...

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...