I'm a single mom, am I dating material?

I'm 22 with a 2-year-old son. I work full time at a small office (recently got a promotion), am finishing out my bachelor's in social work and psychology on scholarship, and will start my master's in both so I can pursue my dream of being a counselor to abused teens and adults.

I've only been with the father of my son. The relationship was manipulative and abusive and before things were completely over, he admitted to impregnating me on purpose so he could make me stick around. I haven't been with him for over a year, and 5 months ago he decided to stop being a father to his son and has completely walked out. Not heard from him since.

I don't receive child support from him nor am I pursuing it, because that would keep him connected to the son he wants no part of. He is a diagnosed sociopath and doesn't want to be a father, so frankly, it's better for my son to stay away from him 100%. Hence the reason I also took the precaution of getting a protective order against him for both of us.

So anyways, I'm a young single mother who is financially independent with a proper income, who is also working towards towards a degree in pursuit of her aspiration to help victims of trauma, and who does not have baby daddy drama because there is no baby daddy in the picture. And who also is not promiscuous in her life decisions, just got caught in a bad situation.

Am I dating material? By no means am I assuming it's easy for a guy to become comfortable with relationship with a young mother. I just want to know if guys in their 20's would be willing to date someone like me. What do you guys think?

And I would not trade my son for ANYTHING. Despite all that I endured, I have him and he is my greatest blessing and joy.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It would honestly depends on how compatible we were in all other aspects so that I could tolerate you having a child. It may sound like a mean thing to say since I used the term "tolerate" but, from my experience, not very many 20-year olds want to be involved with a girl with a kid. Myself included. The main aspect being because I don't want to raise someone else's kid. I know you're not necessarily looking for a substitute father, blah, blah. But there would be no long-term relationship without combining the boyfriend / child dynamic. As for a hook-up, FWB or short-term relationship where the child could be avoided, your chances would not be hindered the slightest.

    • Thanks. :) Tolerate doesn't sound mean, at least not to me. I totally understand what you meant.


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What Guys Said 5

  • You're a young gorgeous woman with a brand new baby. Guys are hard wired to be attracted to that. As long as you're not crazy, controlling, or a raging bitch, you're pretty darn good dating material. The challenge will be sorting out the guys that don't want kids.

    Are you looking for a boyfriend, lover or a husband though? The answer will set the time frame and determine where to look.

    • I definitely can't do anything casual. Not that I'm saying I want to jump into marriage either. I just want someone who wants to commit to me, if that makes sense. And thank you for your input!

  • I think it's great and a definite plus that yore pursuing your degree and are independent, and you're story really is touching but realistically you're probably gonna want to try and find a guy 25+. I don't know about the other people but personally my life is so busy that it would be hard to fit a relationship in it, but a relationship and a child... That would not work in a million years. So bottom line you've made all the right choices, you are dateble, however your child is gonna be a huge factor in whether or not guys chose to date you, and are more likely to do so if they're older

    • Thank you, I appreciate your input. May I just say that I respect you for realizing that you couldn't be in a relationship with someone who has a child. That's incredibly mature. It's respectful to us single moms knowing that some men, like you, know the gravity behind committing to us. I see too many guys jump into this kind of commitment thinking they can handle it only to get overwhelmed and bail, leaving behind a mess. So thank you for understanding!

    • Lol don't give me too much credit I'm not that much of a nice guy, I'm sure you're wonderful mom tho and just as nice of a person. Best of luck finding someone.

  • I'm sure you have some positive qualities, but single moms are a hard deal for most guys, especially guys in your age range. On top of that you're a psychology student. I shouldn't have to mention all the psychoanalysis and mind games that come with that, and how that can just piss some guys off. Good on you, that you've got your career going and can support your child as well as continue your education to get your masters. You're ambitious, responsible, and hard working. That great, I but I'd be lying if I didn't say a lot of guys are going to have a hard time swallowing what you're selling.

    • I appreciate your honesty. Truly! Luckily, as a psychology student, I keep that and my personal life separate. Mind games are ridiculously unwise and I don't have time for them, whether to play or be played.

    • I understand your sentiment and agree, but what we learn does influence how we think and react to people and situations. Being very exposed to psychology, means you're going to look at most things through that window...

  • You are definitely date able, and very beautiful as well!

  • Guys in there 20's? Its very possible. But in my opinion most would just be looking to score with you. As most guys in there 20's are not ready for fatherhood. I think its great that your pursuing a career in wanting to help people. So I would focus on that for now. If your open to dating an older guy that would help your chances alot. He would probably be a lot more willing to settle down with you.

    • Thank you, I appreciate you support. I'm definitely not ready to jump into anything right now, seeing I have so much going on. Just more wanted to see what guys in my age bracket would think about a possible commitment with me in the future, you know?

What Girls Said 1

  • You're dating material for an older guy

    Not someone your age

    There not ready for a baby in theirs was