Boyfriend texting woman he plays scrabble ALL DAY!

Should I be jealous that my boyfriend is texting a woman he met on scrabble? They text back and forth all day...and before you ask, yes, I looked at his phone without him knowing. He says good morning and night and apologizes if he can't reply straight away. He used to talk about his scrabble friends, but never her. He even goes into the bathroom to text her and he doesn't know that I know what he's doing. The texts are pretty innocent. Some flirting...eg, she says 'feeling sick today' and him' Ill make you soup'...her 'lol, I probably sound like a crack addict'..him 'NO, you sound lovely'..and so it goes on and on. He would freak if he knew I looked at his phone. Am I being stupid feeling jealous? I'm sure that I would never text my whole life to some stranger like he is. Somebody tell me if this is wrong? He's never likely to meet her because she lives in another country, but I find it disconcerting how intimate they have become.. Help please!

Updates:
Update! Usually he's up at 5am and that's when the texting starts, when I.m still asleep. Today was a Saturday and she sent him messages around 2am asking him about his new profile pic. At 7.30 and she hadn;t heard back from him she texted asking him 'were they fighting?' I went to the bathroom cause we just woke up and he messaged her back that' he slept in and no they're not fighting'. Then him and her continued to text away all morning. meanwhile I had his other phone so I could see all this
By then I had enough, so I asked him WTF? He was pis*sed I read his phone,said I violated his privacy and I said BLAH BLAH! What's going on? Is she a crush or what? Then I told him I've seen a lot of the messages and said that's how you and I text, You and her act like its a relationship.I said I don't mind normal chats but this was way over the top.All day at work and all hrs at home. WHY? He just went quiet, has barely spoke to me since. He said he would never read my phone.
I replied: I don't care if you did..The problem isn't me reading it, the problem is the intimacy with her. If it was innocent you would be talking about me to her and our life stuff, but you've hidden me in your chats with her and she thinks your single. I said it was flirting and asked would he say that cutesy stuff to a male in scrabble? Not likely! Bottom line is if its making me upset he should stop it. I only spoke briefly, not nagged or fought with him.I'll have to wait now & see what happens

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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. You shouldn't have gone through his phone and feel the way you are feeling, this actually did compound a situation that may not have existed.

    2. This could either mean he is just being friendly to her or this is the beginning of something (could be either)

    3. But your nosing into it will surely make it the latter of point 2

    4. After a certain time it's human nature to latch on to some excitement, doesn't happen to everyone but happens to most of them (of either gender)

    5. At this point I don't see a reason for alarm but probably letting him know that you know he has a 'text friend' will make things better. Better will be to get him mention it to you :)

    6. At any point don't start an insecurity related row that may trigger something that doesn't exist

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    • Also. I requested a game of scrabble with her last week just to see if she was just chatty and friendly to eveyone. She accepted and she didn't know who I was, but I chatted away to her and she basically ignorted me. She only answered me once when I asked her a direct question and she was forced to answer it. So, she's definetely not friendly and chatting with just everyone

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    • I would have said he's a guy who loves his freedom & you should let him be that way (I say that now too) if he hadn't created a ruckus after going through your phone. When he wants freedom & trust he should learn to give it too This guy has a nature that makes him flirt initially seemingly harmless but certainly maybe not limited to it. While if you want to talk to someone etc his 'possessive' nature pops up NOT DONE! He's a person who should be in an open relationship but he wants openess only 2 himself

    • Thank you so much for the BA, Suzy. Appreciate it and my apologies for a delay in reverting since I was tied down which didn't allow me to open my laptop for about 3 days :)

What Guys Said 2

  • Yes, I would say so.

    I would ask him to get rid of that stupid phone because it is wrecking your relationship. And if he doesn't then leave.

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    • My belief "if you love someone set him/her free, if he/she comes back he/she is urs - if they don't they never were" ;)

      I don't mean to supercede or oppose what you say but wrecking one means of comms will destroy their relationship 1st if the 'other woman' doesn't lol but ofcourse another will pop up and the commn will continue with renewed vigor :D - the loss whichever way will be borne by Suzy here ;)

  • that is weird like really weird I would freak the f*** out

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What Girls Said 6

  • I was recently in a similar situation with someone. You should just come right out and ask him..."Who are you talking to all day long?" To me it's really disrespectful that someone can spend so much time texting with someone they will never meet or even to just sit there and flirt. Like the other user that replied...guys seem to have this double standard about women talking to guys that are really just their friends. If you don't want him to know you looked through his phone, then just ask who he's talking to. If he says "oh just a friend form scrabble." Then don't be a fool, say to him then it must a girl you're talking to because men don't just sit around and "chat/text" with guys all day like that. I'm sorry, but they just don't.

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    • unless they are gay ;) lol

      My apologies, I don't generally comment on people's answer but this is just one of those days :D

    • Lol...no worries. That's a good point though.

  • You have every right to be upset. I would be too. I think you should confront him about it. Yes, you looked at his phone, but only because you noticed he has been texting someone frequently and wasn't telling you who. That sound suspicious. Most people, whether they admit it or not, would check their partner's activity if it seemed suspicious. I get very annoyed when people say "It is only texting." Well, to be honest, all he is going to say is "Don't be so worried, it is just texting, you have no right to be upset, I should be pissed that you looked at my phone." But deep down, he knows he is emotionally cheating :/ You really have to confront the issue of WHY he feels the need to go to other women for some type of emotional comfort. This is likely stemmed from another issue altogether. Solve that, and you solve your "scrabble girl" problem. Good luck!

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    • You were right! He said 'it's only texting'...I updated above what happened on the weekend. I'm not sure what's gonna happen now :-(

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    • He is not only hugely disrespectful towards you, but he is finding a way to turn the situation back on you. You are absolutely NOT in the wrong, he definitely is. If he is willing to tell both of you two totally different things, he is not the kind of person that can ever truly be trusted. I am very sorry this is happening to you. I would be furious also. People like this don't really change. I think you need to end things with him. it will hurt at first, but you will be relieved eventually!

    • He went to bed at 7pm. Said I was a drama queen, said his ex stalked his stuff just like me. Said it wasn't as if they had sex and then told me to shut up. He deleted the entire app and then told me he is unhappy and I stop him from being himself and now he is zoning me out by not talking to me. I thought we were happy. We don't fight and we've only been together 18mnths, living together for 11mnt now. I really had no idea he felt like that and I don't know how to deal with this. Cried all night (

  • That's f***ed up beyond belief. They obviously talked on the phone if she said "I probably sound like a crack addict" and he said she sounds lovely. That's ridiculous!

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  • He's wrong in my opinion, you need to talk to him about this and give him the oppurtunity to correct the situation on his own. He's not a child and I'm sure he knows that if the roles were reversed he wouldn't like it. Speak up, don't stay silent!

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  • If you know he'd be pissed for you doing the same thing (and he would), then you're allowed to be mad and bring it up to him. Guys have a funny double standard when it comes to limits with opposite sex while in a relationship. They think as long as they're not having sex with her it's OK, but if you're even flirting it's wrong. Call him on the carpet.

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    • Wow! You're right because my guy has done some things where, had it been me, he would have blown his top to China, LOL!

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    • Guys do this because we girls put up with it. That's the only reason. They convince us that men can't help it or that what they were doing wasn't that bad, meanwhile flipping a lid at anything slight that you do. Don't put up with it! Ya know the second my boyfriend stopped with that sh*t? When I told him, "oh, see I didnt' understand we had that open of a relationship, I wasn't doing things like that. But you've made me see your side and how it's no big deal, so I agree with you. The rules have

    • changed." He went so crazy and paranoid about what I was now doing behind his back, because he did such an oh-so-good job of convincing me what he did wasn't wrong, that he stopped doing it altogether. He was too worried about me doing it back. Why? because they don't really believe it's ok!

  • You shouldn't sit back and watch your man text other women, he's showing complete disrespect you need to put him in check

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    • He's gonna say it alright for me to talk to men on FB, but I don't private message all day and my FB is always open at home so anyone can read it..I have nothing to hide, But I thinks its different what he's doing. He tells her what he's doing all day. He must even text her when he's driving to & from work...and she must text him in the middle of the night cause of the time difference. WTF? Its like she must wake herself up just to answer him

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