It feels like I have a storm inside of me, how can I keep canceling our dates/agreements?

I really couldn't come up with a better title..

As of tomorrow, I have been with my boyfriend for one month. I am quite happy whenever I am with him, but as soon as I am away from him, I wish to be free. To not be in any commitments. No promises, no love. I am an introvert. I like to be alone, and he accepts that. But I keep thinking about whether or not he really is fine with it. Me, canceling our promises for me to stay over at his apartment for the day or weekend, because I need to be with myself. I don't like showing affection in public, and I know most couples do.

I don't know if its just because it is winter and Christmas. I have headaches these days, a bad mood, and my need to be alone have skyrocketed. Then I have to think about Christmas gifts and other stuff that comes with Christmas, the headaches and "maintaining" my boyfriend. I don't think I can cope with it right now. Yet, when I am with him, I'm happy. Kinda. At least he makes me wanna think it over again and again.. whether or not I should break up with him.

I really don't know if I should break up with him to lift the storm inside of me a bit, or wait it through and see if it gets better. But that means I have to keep thinking of his needs, too.

I don't even understand myself. I make myself confused. that's why its a storm. I can't find my way inside of myself. I get lost.

... The question is, if I should break up with him, keep dating him while canceling(or not making any) our plans or.. keep dating him and do all this anyway to make him happy. I want him to be happy.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you should break it off asap..

    You driving yourself insane and you going to end up doing it to him as well...

    I am like that to.. I want it.. But as soon as I am home.. It feel like a massive weight has been lifted.

    You need someone that doesn't need you.. But needs you ..If you get my drift...

    As for now , after only one month..and you feel like this.. Its bad...

    Sounds like you feel pressured into "babying" and filling the needs of other peoples ..When

    you can barely cope with yours own..You need to find you balance.

    good luck...

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What Guys Said 10

  • first off there is a very real depression called Seasonal Stress Disorder. It's very common in places where there isn't a lot of sun and in the winter time. Basically with shorter days, cooler whether and less sun people can become depressed.

    Depression can lead to the desire to be alone, unburdened etc.

    That aside (cause I'm not saying you're depressed) as an introvert you have to commit yourself to extroverting yourself. either that or you have to explain this to your boyfriend so he fully understands your actions. It is unfair to you and him to conduct a relationship this way.

    For your sake you have to make this decison on your own. No one else should tell you to give up on the relationship. Only you fully know how you feel. But once you've made a decision you have to commit to it for the sake of this guy and yourself.

    I am a quasi introvert. I enjoy lots of me time. My girlfriend on the other hand is an extrovert. She NEEDS to be around people. We've had conflicts over my desire not to (as I call it) participate in social butterflying, but ultimately we love each other so it is something we work on together...Me: stepping outside of my comfort zone for her...Her: being understanding of my needs at times

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  • Unless you actually WANT to spend time with him, this relationship is never going to go anywhere. What's the point of being with someone you "kinda" want to be with?

    It sounds to me that you aren't ready for a relationship. Either because you are too preoccupied with other things or you're not stable enough for one yet.

    Leading him on like this isn't helping at all though. Don't second guess your desires (which sounds like wanting to be single).

    It's not fair for him to be with someone who only "kinda" wants to be with him. Everyone should be with someone who wants to be with them.

    I'd tell him everything you said here. Tell him that your desire isn't to meet other guys but rather just to have some alone time and focus on other things. One month isn't a long time at all so although it may bum him out, that attachment hasn't formed yet and he'll be able to get over it way quicker than he would if you had been dating for 6 months.

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    • You are right in all you said. .. Thank you. But I have once talked about how I am feeling. He made me stay with him. Okay, he didn't MAKE me, he convinced me. Its harder to say its not working out.. that we have to break up, when just the other day, we planned for me to stay over at his for the night. And when I already tried once. I'm scared ill back out again and let him convince me to stay again.

    • Well that early in the relationship I don't blame you for feeling overwhelmed if he's constantly asking you to stay over. To me personally it sounds like he's taking things too fast, especially if you don't want to. You really just have to stick with your gut and tell him no.

  • You need freedoma t this stage of your life, so go ahead and dmand it. Cancel all your engagements, and be with just yourself. You'll never regret taking the time you need to straighten yourself out.

    Christmas is often a difficult time, and your phrase 'maintaining' is a good one. Yes, a relationship can be just a burden, as it is for you this year.

    So go ahead and lay thy burden down!

    Then, when you're rally READY, you can come out of your shell.

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  • It depends on what kind of storm is brewing inside of you. Are we talking tropical storm? Perhaps something caused by an Alberta Clipper?

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  • That is not what being an introvert is. Being an introvert doesn't mean you like to be alone it means you need some alone time to get energized. Just take some space for a while you don't have to break up over it. Just tell him. You sound like you might have some sort anxiety disorder maybe?

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    • I never said that's what an introvert is. I just said that that is what I am, and I like being alone. Besides, most introverts DO like to be with just themselves. That's part of unwinding, relaxing by being alone. ._.

  • you should not date. and I don't mean that in a rude way. you should just have friends to go out with and have fun. that way you will get to unwind when you need to and come back home and be free and be with yourself. I'm like that too. I love being alone.

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  • Maybe you need to go tan if you think it is the winter months doing it to you.

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  • this link

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  • You need use your time to find out who you really are and what you really want.

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  • dump him, and tell the truth, then go feel like the piece of sh*t you were to him and regret it.

    Because you basically got into a kind of relationship that is called puppy love, the ones that 13/14 year olds get into and then another month after they get bored and "break up".

    You'll probably deny it but that's just because no one likes to realize or think that the fault is their own and blame something else: headaches, blablabla.

    Think of it like this:

    If you really loved him, you wouldn't mind staying with him and would love to do so every moment you could. Which you don't. That simply means you don't love him as much as it would be necessary in any healthy, lasting relationship.

    I was actually going to bring some philosophy into this but I figured no one would understand or give a sh*t.

    Poor guy

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    • Sometimes things just don't work out. It doesn't mean someone is a bad person. They've been together a month, love shouldn't even be brought up yet.

      It's people like you with your ridiculous unrealistic expectations that make dating an absolute nightmare.

What Girls Said 1

  • Uhm I used to be like that with this one guy I was dating. At the end I ended up breaking it off with him and I felt way better. It turned out I just didn't like him the way I thought I did and the pressure of being around him and not telling him made me stressed so I just blew up and told him. He totally understood and now were just friends. :) Maybe it's the same with you but don't take my word for it.

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    • He understood, and now you're friends? That's great.. I want that! He was okay with it right off when you told him? My boyfriend already told me he loves me, he never felt like that for anyone before me, yada yada.. That's part of my problem. It puts the pressure on me, to live up to his perfect version of me, that doesn't actually exist. I want him to be happy, I love it when he bursts out in laughter, hugging me and telling me I'm great. Its pushing me away from doing the right thing.

    • yeah he was okay with it. He had already felt my being uncomfortable when I was around him so he saw it coming. And just tell him you need some time to think things over and just some "me" time. Maybe you'll find your answers then :) If you don't feel comfortable then just walk away from it don't try to please everyone because the stress will catch up pretty badly.

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