I'm starting to believe dating is a numbers game

Pardon my ignorance but I don't really have much experience in the dating department. I'd say at least for guys it's a numbers game. In the past I've always kind of taken on one girl at a time and tried to get her to like me and get a date but that just wastes too much time. No wonder guys go out and try to get all these girls numbers and go on dates without really putting too much into it. If you get feelings for one girl and get stuck on this one girl, all you're doing is wasting your time and energy. This is my worst habit is that I put too much faith into one girl and then I end up upset mainly with myself for wasting a bunch of time when she doesn't feel the same way. So I've basically learned to just go out, approach a girl and don't think too much about it and then move on to the next one and hopefully you'll have enough phone numbers to get one that might actually want a date. Opinions guys?

I've also learned that the ones who do better with women are the ones who don't give a sh*t. Even though the ones who do care would make a better boyfriend, they just end up looking too desperate to the girl.
I'm not saying that you have to go treat women badly, I'm just saying that you have to keep your emotions as unattached as possible for each girl at least until things actually begin to progress and you start getting into a 3rd or 4th date.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You're partially right. It's a numbers game for everyone right in the beginning, it just may not seem that way for women since men typically do the approaching. When it comes to meeting girls and asking for numbers, I would say play the numbers. First dates, play some. But after that, it's really about building a relationship with the right person. You may face a lot of rejection, but it's the same for us girls too. We don't know if the guy likes us, if he just wants sex, or if he's going to call us after. It's a risk for everyone involved.

    That doesn't mean you need to cut everyone off right in the beginning for one person you barely know of course. If you have other options and there haven't even been first dates yet, then by all means. But if there is only one girl you want to go out with, there's nothing wrong with just going out with her. You having options on the side right at that moment will not make her any more or less interested in you. Unless she asks, you probably shouldn't be saying that you've got another date with someone else tomorrow anyway lol You can only be yourself and see if it works.

    Most of the relationships I got into, the guys were obviously out meeting girls a lot, but none of them were going on other dates (I found this out after we were together). I wouldn't have minded if they were, but the options didn't make him more or less likely to succeed with me. So ultimately, I'd only play the number games when it actually comes to approaching women and trying to get their number. After that, it doesn't matter a whole lot except to gain experience.

    • So if I go on a date with someone it's OK to continue to try to get numbers and date other girls also right? I guess the point in which you would stop dating other girls is if you've been on like 3 or more dates with one girl and you think their might be something there? Or technically can you continue to date others at the same time until you decide you want to be exclusive?

    • That's a personal choice. If you want to get other girls numbers after the first date then you're allowed to, but if you want to just date her, that's fine too. It's not going to make or break it. Technically you're allowed to keep dating other people up until you make it exclusive, but I doubt any of my relationships would've worked out if he had. After a certain number of dates, it's just courtesy that you focus on them to show you're serious. If you keep dating around, you may lose her.


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What Girls Said 2

  • I completely agree with all of this.

  • Dating IS a numbers game. For some people, that number is pretty low. For others, it's pretty high.


What Guys Said 5

  • It would be easy to say yes, 100%, and viewing it as a numbers game etc. works well.

    But its -at least- 80% true.

    Lets point out a few key things:

    - "In the past I've always kind of taken on one girl at a time and tried to get her to like me and get a date" This is a terrible idea. Its not just a matter of taking too long. It starts with the assumption that you need to be attracted to her, and then convince her you're worth dating. This is a bad assumption. A better assumption would be that you both need to be attracted to each other and then discover that the other is worth dating. Even if you CAN convince a woman to date you, if she doesn't feel a spark, you're in a crippled relationship from the start. So trying without effort is a good way to screen for women who actually have a baseline of interest in you and your looks and manner to BUILD off of.

    -"I put too much faith into one girl and then I end up upset mainly with myself for wasting a bunch of time when she doesn't feel the same way." Basically this means you have a relationship in your head. When you fall for someone who you're not with, you're basing it on how you imagine it would be to be with them. Not how dating them actually WOULD be. Marrying the hottest woman on the planet, even if she was really nice, would not be a good marriage if she was not very interested in me. You need a good relationship, not to just bag a good woman and have any sort of relationship with her. Let your feelings develop based on how a girl treats you while dating, not on just watching her. As you note, letting feelings develop too early not only looks odd, but its based on a fantasy. It looks desperate (because guys with options don't do this) but its also a little creepy. She -knows- you don't know her, so if you seem in love, you're in love with some imaginary girl. Not her.

    -"I've also learned that the ones who do better with women are the ones who don't give a sh*t." They do better then those who are doormats. Better yet is to treat her like she deserves, but that's harder for most of us. But a better goal.

  • Well is a numbers game and is not. It's a numbers game because not everyone is going to like you, but you can make your chances better.

    Just like NBA players, obviously they are all pros, but they won't always be able to make a 3 pointer, but hell they will do a lot better than the average Joe.

    The way to get honeysr is to find a girl that likes you then use that leverage to get a hotter one as you still have it on, once you lose your fire you have to start all over again from the beginning.

  • Chivalry and integrity are dead. You should do what every other corrupt person on this planet does and f*** everything that moves, find a nice girl later on in life who will accept you for who you are despite saving herself and being sweet and conservative, and have a happy ending.

    Wow, that post was DRENCHED with cynicism and misogyny.

    Oh well.

  • I will give you credit for figuring this out at an earlier age than I did. Kudos to you. I totally agree.

    • I still wish I would have would have figured it out earlier, like two years ago.

    • Well you are still young. It is not too late. Just remember, although it is a numbers game, once you find your other half, stop playing it.

  • That was me right there. The problem now is that I'm talking to women that I really don't care for, so I definitely know a relationship is not going to take place with any of them. It sounds like paradise, taking to different women at the same time, but you do feel a little lonely sometimes because you lack that deep connection. I'm glad you figured this out, but remember that sometimes the numbers game is not a good way to find love in your life.