To all the girls who hate their body and think things will be better if they're thin:

I used to weigh 250lbs. I worked at starbucks, drank frappuccinos all day and hated my life. I always thought things would be better if I lost a lot of weight.

I took up distance running and after a slow weight loss of FIVE YEARS! I now weigh ~140lbs.

When I was large, guys liked me for me. Every single guy actually wanted to date ME and not the way I looked.

Now random creepy guys, arrogant a**holes and weirdos basically treat me as though they are entitled to me. I get asked out on dates and when I say no (because they don't know me and only like the way I look) they are very rude and say mean things. The actual nice sweet guys are too intimidated to talk to me now. You think it's easier to date when you're thin? Maybe, but no one want's you for YOU. They want the way you look.

I am a woman in the sciences at school. Before when I was large I was accepted there. Now, I am constantly told I shouldn't be there because I "don't look like a scientist." Everyone thinks I'm stupid because of the way I look and they didn't before when I was large. I constantly have to prove that I have a right to be there. If I get a good grade in a course, I'm told it's because I flirted with the teacher; this is not the case! People think this is a compliment, "wow! You're actually smart!" It's not. No one said that to me when I was large.

Women hate me. Women I have never met before are rude the second they meet me and if they can say no to something, they do regardless of what I asked. I lost all my girl friends because they think I'm going to steal their boyfriends. If I need to ask a department chair something at school, she says no even though it is not an unreasonable request.

I lost all my guy friends because as soon as they get girlfriends they're told they aren't allowed to be my friend anymore. If they do not have girlfriends even though I have told them all I am not interested in dating anyone at the current time they ask me out on dates and when I say no (as they should have known I would) they don't talk to me anymore.

I have no friends. I had a lot of friends when I was large. I have a lot of acquaintances but no friends.

I'm not a mean person. I really am not. I treat everyone with kindness as I have been on the receiving end of meanness for so long since I was very large.

So, if you want to lose weight, do it for you! Things don't get easier or better. People resent you for it and show it with unwarranted animosity.

Yes, random guys who don't know me are very nice to me and men do ask me out on dates, but as I said, they want my body, not my personality. When I used to date after a few they say I'm boring and that's that. I'm not boring; I'm a scientist. They wanted to date my looks, not me.

Before you attack me for saying it's hard being pretty, think of if you have been both very large and thin; if you have not, then you have not experienced this and you are only making assumptions.

The grass isn't greener.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow! You're so mature and I have to admit that you have my respect.

    I only have to say one thing. You won't find a man that won't be interested in your body. And even if you find one you won't like it. Try to understand that men may like you for your body, but it's not only that. Sexual attraction is indeed one big factor but men aren't only interested in that. I'll admit that there are many a**holes out there, but there are decent guys too. Don't shut them down just because they approached you for your outter appearence. Give them the chance to see how beautiful you are in the inside too.

    As for your work, it's difficult for many people to believe that a girl can be stunning and inteligent alltogether. I never experienced that, and I probably never will so I shouldn't speak,but I will. Stand your ground. Sooner or later they will understand. And about the comments of you sleeping with someone to get a good grade, just ignore them. Most of the times it's just plain teasing. People try to get your attention.

    Girls can be very jealous and mean. I usually have no problem with girl-girl relationships because I was never a 'threat' to them. You can meet friends online,and after they love you for your personality show them your outer appearence.

    PS:''You must have a very beautiful face.'' That was my first thought while reading your story.

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What Guys Said 10

  • You do realize that you could actually approach the ''actual nice sweet guys'' instead of hoping they approach you. Truth is that there are a**holes everywhere. I know plenty of guys who would try and get with a larger chick because they view it as ''sex is sex.''

    Congrats on the weight loss. I have lost 60lbs in the last year (and still going) by watching what I eat and running. Its weird but I actually enjoy running. I registered for a mini-marathon in May and am looking forward to this. If you would have told me a year and a half ago that I would be like this I would have laughed at you. Losing the weight hasn't made my dating life better either. Hasn't made it worse either. It just is what it is.

    Read the comment by Alonso14. Its the truth. At least someone shows interest in you. I haven't been on a date in over 2 years and that's not for lack of trying. People suck no matter what sex they are. You are healthier now. If you are so unhappy with the weight loss then just gain it back and go back to how you were.

    The grass may not always be greenER, its just a different shade of green.

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  • Well...that changes my opinion about thin, pretty girls. Maybe I'll start delving deeper than looks now, at least as an initial attraction.

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  • It could be worse, you could be male. Then nobody would want you for your body or personality :(

    Seriously though, its better to be a healthy weight, no matter how people treat you. Just think how many extra years you have probably added to your life from improving your health and fitness. Don't give up on guys, there will be one out there who likes you for you after all there was before, you just have to find them again :)

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  • Everyone is different. A friend of mine lost over 60 pounds. And has been happier than ever was in her life. And iv lost a ton of weight myself and it is very hard to keep off. But I love run. So I understand where your coming from. For some people it takes work to stay thin. Others are thin naturally.

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  • I tend to agree, I lost 90 pounds and it didn't improve my life the slightest, in term of relationships.

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    • That's because you are a prick lol ( a funny one though)

    • I am confronted to large amounts of human stupidity on this website, that might be the reason why you think so ;)

  • I lost weight too so I'm in the same boat. Girls are just as bad as guys if not worse

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  • Nice work! We scientists are kind of boring aren't we? But it is for science!

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  • There's more to a healthy body than being thin.

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  • Popeye has a famous quote..."I is who I is"

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  • Chicks...can't live WITH them...

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What Girls Said 18

  • I'm not saying what's happened to you is a good thing, the isolation from friends and co-workers would be horrible, however you should try and take a positive from this situation.

    Based on what I've read, all the people you thought were friends, really weren't, otherwise they wouldn't have ditched you after you lost the weight. They would have stayed by your side and been supportive of your pro-health choice of losing weight.

    Real friends trust one another (Your girlfriends should have known you wouldn't steal their boyfriends) and are honest with their intentions (unlike your male friends who tried to get into your pants).

    At least you found out what these people were like now, rather than later.

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  • What a truly inspirational story. Not the negativity toward you, but your ability to overcome your obstacles without bitterness or self blame. You know exactly where the problem lies, and it's not with you.

    Thanks for sharing and I have to believe that regardless of some of the responses, your candidness will help others out there.

    Best of luck!

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  • I've been every size from a 2 and a 12 and I believe this wholeheartedly. Granted, I've never been as big as 250 but people, girls especially, want my friendship more when I'm big. Also, I find that the smaller I am, the more nasty rumors there are floating around about me. It sucks.

    I think I look my hottest when I am a size 4 (around 115-120) but I usually stay at a size 6 (125-130) because I still feel good about myself without being irritated by creepers.

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  • I'm sorry to hear this

    I believe that a person who truly deserves you will treat you exactly the same whether thin or not

    So don't feel bad

    U are,were,and always will be pretty

    And nothing will change that

    Hopefully the right people will enter your life in one way or the other,they will appreciate you and how smart you r,and find themselves intrested in every word you say or don't

    So stay strong and don't feel bad,the world is filled with the gd and the bad,and we gota live with both...

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    • You're a sweetheart. Thank you for your kind words :)

      I don't let it bother me. I just don't want other girls to completely idealise it like I used to when I was so big then be upset when they realize that it's completely the opposite as how they imagined :) It was a cruel surprise!

    • Awww I just loved the way you expressed yourself and I felt you were a sweetheart yourself which is why I had to post something lol..

      Yeah I know what you mean,I am working on losing weight myself,but plan to do it for me not for anybody else,I don't even plan on ever dating lol,I'm happy on my own...

      And don't regret losing weight,just make sure your eating healthy and stay happy no matter what...u don't need anybody's company for that,u just need to reach a stage of inner-peace...

  • Well, that sucks! Maybe you live in a city full of a**holes?

    I want to loose few pounds and add some muscle, but Irrelevant to all you said up there, I would much rather be healthy than liked by everyone, because to me, I'm first! So I'd rather be fit than fat in any scenario. And also I wouldn't want a guy to be with me ONLY for my personality just the same as I wouldn't want someone to be with me ONLY for my looks. I want to be able to excite my boyfriend or husband (physically too), not just mentally, if I had one, rather than him looking elsewhere for visual satisfaction because he's only with me for my "persona". I wouldn't want that. EVER!

    And being fit doesn't necessarily limit the amount of friends you have, that all comes down to how social. It might ward off those people are already insecure of themselves and see anyone who is slightly attractive as a threat. there is something wrong with those people and I wouldn't want to befriend someone like that anyway.

    I used to have a lot of friends, and some would even warn me not to take away their bf's, even my older sister warned me about this which I thought was odd! I would never do that! but they wouldn't stop being my friends. I don't talk to many of my friends now, but that's personal choice. and sure some or (most) guys view girls as prey, but that will NEVER keep me from wanting to stay in good shape! I like to be healthy. :]! and that in itself makes me happy. :D wow I wrote a book! XD

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  • to be honest I kinda feel you.

    I am always like this weight. But I just started to make guy friends.. and as soon at some stages, guys abandon me.. like I'm almost a stranger to them. Why do you guys do that? no longer want a friend or what. It is devastating you know. I somehow can't handle it at once. Why do you stop being friends with someone. It hurts.

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  • Damn girl. Thanks for sharing this. I hope things get better for you.

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  • well first congrats on the weight loss! I'm sorry that you are going through a lot with those people. Just know not everyone is like that. I'm not big but I could lose some weight. I have lost 20 pounds so far and getting better. Girls normally hate me in general because I'm confident and I look and seem "stuck up" but I'm really not so either way I think I would be hated lol.. I wish you well

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  • I have to be thin for my career.

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  • Im a thin, pretty girl and I relate to this. It almost makes me want to stop trying.

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  • I fail to see the question here.

    It just sounds like you're mad because it didn't work out for you.

    I've been thin my entire life, I have never weighed more than 120. Sounds like your life's a bitch. But mine's not. I have a wonderful boyfriend who likes me for me; my weight and body shape is just an added bonus. There *are* guys out there who are genuine and kind that approach you. You just have to be sure to jump when they do else you'll end up with all the a**holes.

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  • You were unhappy when you were fat, and now that your skinny your unhappy. Its not the people around you making you sad... its you. Quit blaming those jerky men and snobby girls, just ignore them and live your life. Stop focusing on the negative and take a look at the positive.. you are healthy and intelligent now work on being happy.

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    • I didn't say I was unhappy in either case. This is merely for girls to stop thinking life is excellent if you're thin. I know girls and that's all they think about so I'm telling them that isn't the case.

  • Oh please. You just sound whiny. I have not been large and then thin so I guess I can't relate but seriously, why are you complaining about this? You are now at a healthy weight. Are you *so unhappy* with the way people 'treat you' now that you'd gain back 90 lbs? I'm 99% sure you wouldn't. Just like every other normal sized girl, you will eventually find a decent guy. You will be perfectly fine.

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    • oops 110 lbs*

    • This isn't a complaint. I never said I was unhappy. It's a "don't focus on being thin because you will just have different problems" story. You haven't been large then thin so like you said, you don't know. People treat me 100% differently only based on my looks.

      I also am not looking to date.

  • Your message is OK but You're assuming that they only like you for your body... Unlike you, there are plenty of thin girls who have boyfriends who like their girlfriends for more than just their body or the relationship wouldn't workout. Thus, as someone who hasn't experienced being fat... I know what it's like to be thin and get a nice guy who likes me for me...

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  • well if you still were thin but not such a pretty face that you must have you wouldn't have to worry...

    its better to look healthier anyway and I know the too pretty girls isn't a good thing like you said other girls envy you, I don't have this problem I am a pretty girl that isn't seem as a treat...

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  • As a thin girl (always have been), I have always been picked on. Friends joke that I don't eat (like I'll an oreo and they'll be "oh my gosh! that's the most I've ever seen you eat!" when really I out-eat all of them) and they joke that if I turn sideways I'll disappear or they'll say something like "oh, you're only 25 pounds anyway" and in general people know me as the tall skinny girl and not really who I am. its annoying to be thought of as only my appearance & that being skinny is turned into a joke. I've been asked before if I'm anorexic and I feel constantly judged. They make comments about a girl like "she's a good weight but now, if she was 5'9" & 110 pounds that's just unhealthy" and I sit there silent holding back the fact that I'm 5'9" & 112. I'm skinny because I have a high metabolism (meaning I get hungry frequently throughout the day...it sucks).

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  • You know I realized the same thing about a year ago when I lost a ton a weight by choice of course and the same thing I thought everything was going to get better for me.But you know how you see all those weight loss TV shows and they always mention that its like mental change or something along those lines. Well I use to think na they are are just being deep to get attention and say those types of things on tv. It wasint until I went through it that my mental state started to change..because I also lost a lot of friends, got attention from more guys that would of never gave me the time or days before and just began to feel insecure, like I made the wrong decision to lose the weight because everything was different. I thought about putting all my weight back on at one point but did not, so it was hard but I do understand what you are going through without a doubt...its like I was still me in the inside but the outside was someone different but I use to cry in the mirror because I was still me but others did not realize that.+5

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  • I am not thin or fat but I think I can relate your situation with mine.Yeah you are right.When I was younger I was an ugly duckling.I used to hate myself.That time how I wish I was beautiful so that I have easier life.

    Now I am an adult and ended up as an attractive person.I am not conceit but I look far more better than before.Whenever people meet me in the mall or public they will tell me something like "hey you changed a lot" or "Hye you look so different now"

    I was very happy with my change at first but then it turns into a disaster.I am not mean or arrogant.I try to be nice with people but most people judge me without knowing who I am.Girls avoid making friends or hanging out with me.In college I don't have many friends.I only have one close female friend and others are not that close to me.Guys that approach me are mostly jerks with high confident.The first thing they would tell me when they flirt is wow you are so pretty! Or hi you are hot.I never hear something like hey you are such a nice girl.I like talking to you.Nah never.Many guys also seem annoyed with me for no reason.I guess they just have in their mind I am bitchy stuck up girl.I don't blame them though.This is a common stereotype.Last time I used to cry when I was ugly and now I still cry..What's the different? I am single and lonely.Its hard for me to find someone who love me for who I am.

    So yeah our life would never get better just because our appearance.The key here is how people see us as a person and how we bring ourselves.People who think that attractive,thin women have easier life is wrong.There are always some disadvantages on good things.I am sorry to hear what had happened to you but I believe its true.The change doesn't bring any different but it turned into a nightmare!

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    • It's so weird that the way we look makes such a difference in the way we're treated. It's sad that people make assumptions.

      I was the same way! I feel as though I'm a swan. Do you have kind of sharp, angular facial features by any chance? I do and until I was 23-24 my face was almost hopeless until I grew into it.

      It seems the things that make us ugly while young make us beautiful when older, and the things that made people beautiful while young don't look so good with age.

    • Yes it happens even though many people are in denial saying its not true.We have been through it so we know what exactly happened.

      My face is a heart shape lol.I don't think I have sharp facial features.

      I saw plenty cute and hot girls during my high school now look so much different.Some people look good when they were younger but changed rapidly when they get older.

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