The girl I like is going through a lot, what should I do?

Haha I apologize, I know you probably just rolled your eyes because of how long this is so if you don't wanna read it all I ask that you skip to the last line. BUT I really appreciate anyone who actually reads and responds. I Decided to try the online dating thing thing for a couple weeks and this girl sent me a message and we got to talking for a couple hours. Then suddenly she said, "I'm going to say f*** it and give you my number because I like talking to you." We texted everyday for the next two weeks and she said things like, "I'm glad you get me," "I like you," "You make me blush like an idiot." Then our schedules cleared and we had our first date. It went much differently than either of us anticipated but had a great time. She told me private things, like even about a suicide attempt by her sibling. We spent 24 hours together; dinner then hanging with her friends, spent the night at her place cause she goes to school about 50 minutes from me and things were so electric between us that we ended up having sex multiple times (first time either of us has had sex on a first date). She said she's told her mom about me. But since we hung out we haven't talked nearly as much and she hasn't been the same. It's been 5 1/2 weeks since the first date. Two weeks ago she sent me a 16 text message explaining that she's sorry if I'm confused about what's going on between us, is excited for date number 2, and that studying for finals for 20 credits, her parents ongoing divorce, a cancer diagnosis of her best friend's dad, the death of a family member, work, and her best friend since she was 5 just confessed his undying love for her a week ago are the reasons she hasn't had time to talk or hang out. So I can completely see why she hasn't been as flirty/talkative and forthcoming with her feelings. So my question is how do I handle this? I text her a couple times every 4 or 5 days if I don't hear from her just to say good luck on an exam or I send a funny picture and let her know that I'm thinking about her, light things so it doesn't seem like I'm trying to steal time away from the more important things in her life. I haven't called her yet, I was actually thinking about calling her tomorrow because it will have been a week since I last talked to her and finals are over and maybe since it's the first time calling she may like it? But I'm just confused. I don't know how much attention to give without seeming like it's too little or too much or how flirty to be because she just does not talk like she used to and half the time doesn't respond after a couple texts. I am an extremely confident person, I just want to play this right because this girl is pretty damn cool.

I know the answer is probably just to play it cool and be patient, but I haven't liked a girl this much in years. So really, any advice on how to talk to/win over a girl who is going through a lot right now would be greatly appreciated.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should try and call her to see if she will be excited to talk to you and happy. check.

    I think sometimes girls don't contact guys to see if the guys will contact them and are interested in them or to avoid looking needy.

    Having sex was kind of way too quick but anyways

    You should call her this time and see what is going on with her since exams ended. Then if you found her OK and nothing unusual going on with her then don't call her again, wait for her call, give her time to call you back 2 weeks at least. If she doesn't call or ask about you or at least message you then you can say she is not interested anymore. You can ask her then about your relationship with her, it is best for you to ask her if she is interested in you anymore or if she just found someone else and forgot about you.

    What you have done is very nice of you and not too much or anything.

    • Haha yeah yeah yeah, we both know that we had sex way too early but there's nothing we can do about it now. I just called her; had a 9 minute convo about her family and finals then asked her to hang out later this week. I'd say it went pretty damn well. One of the last things she said was "thanks for calling, it was nice to hear from you."

    • That is great. She sounds happy about the call, that is good . Cool now :) good luck . And thanks for best answer.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Exam time is not a normal reality. Throw in all of that other stuff and she might be a bit overwhelmed and just in "survival mode" right now. I think giving her a call wouldn't be unwarranted. I would call specifically to set up another date, though, instead of just saying, "Hey, just checking in."

    You can't do much to change her mindset right now or to make her like you more, etc. But having clear yes or no questions helps you figure out what's going on between the two of you.


What Guys Said 2

  • There are no rules in this kind of situation, I usually have a decent idea of how to play most situations, but I'm kind of at a loss here. I'd keep contact but not push it too much. I think calling her is cool, but if she doesn't pick-up or doesn't call you back in a day or two I'd lower my expectations. Hope it works out for you, and her.

  • I think you both let lust get ahold of you, and you gave her what she wanted at the time. In her mind you acted like all the other guys, and were no longer a challenge. Obviously her interest level in you has dropped. Dude, just forget about her, and continue with the online dating. Don't make the same mistakes twice man!