What if I let him play/use me

His guy I met only wants to do me. I got mad at him because he stopped talking to me for two weeks, then when I saw him he was even more of a jerk to me. But I'm bored, and it bothers me that he's talking to other girls. he hasn't texted me in a couple weeks. If I texted him would it be so bad? I know I'm only hurting myself if I do, but I don't like that he got over me and I think about him all the time. Honestly I just want to stop thinking about him but I can't, so in the mean time, what if I texted him?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you already have a feeling that this isn't right. And honestly, I think you'd be better off to ease up and let this guy come to you. it seems that he's really only interested in sex, and would really like to get it from any girl he can, which explains him texting other girls. I've been in your shoes and I know it sucks to have feelings for someone you've been hooking up with, but please just trust me when I say that if you would stop talking to him, you'l easily be able to move on. however, if you keep his number in your phone, continue to wait for his texts, and wait around with wishful thinking that he'll grow to like you, it will be much tougher to forget him, and will just make you miserable. try to move on and find a guy who gives you as much attention as you're willing to give him. of course its flattering that he finds your body sexy and attractive, but he doesn't find YOU attractive. he's not overtaken by your fun personality, or your little quirks. he just likes what he sees on the outside. he's shallow, and you shouldn't wait around for someone who doesn't care to know YOU.

    • another smart person, I guess all hope isn't lost in this world. actually your advice helped me out a little bit. I'm having simular issue with this girl I like. we're not sleeping together or anything, but I do a lot of stuff for her hoping she'll like me for it and all I get is used and put in the friend zone. lol but it's my own fault for not moving on, I'm allowing her to do these things to me. I have to man up and move on.

    • I'm so glad I could give you some perspective. :) honestly I feel that no matter now much you care about someone, or how much you do for them, if they can't return your level of affection and attention, then why would you hang on? Because you deserve someone so much better, who will treat you with that same generosity and sweetness that you give. Once you find that person, you know it's worth holding onto.


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What Guys Said 4

  • You said it yourself, he only wanted you for sex; he didn't want you for a relationship. Add to that, that he was a jerk to you (and even more of a jerk later on). That equation adds up to a pretty bad guy; certainly not the kind of guy that should seek out for a relationship. It's clear that your mind is getting romantically attached to him and wanting a committed relationship with him. This is most likely due to you having sex with him. The whole idea of maintaining a "Sex Only" relationship is really a bad idea. It plays well in the movies, but it's bad for your mind; especially for women. Your body and subconscious mind can't tell the difference between sex for fun and sex with your mate. So, when you have sex with a guy, the chemicals released (Oxytocin also known as the bonding hormone, Dopamine surges can cause low level addiction, etc.) cause your mind to think that he is attached to you and you to him. So they cause your emotions to match up with this belief. When you do this multiple times, the chemical effect is cumulative and only gets worse. I'm not even talking about sex before marriage; I'm just talking about sex outside of a relationship (your subconscious mind has no concept of marriage; only committed relationships. Marriage is really only intended to ensure the continuation of a committed relationship).

    That said, the best thing you can do is NOT go back for seconds. AKA, Don't text him. Get some of your girlfriends together and treat this like a breakup. It doesn't matter if you consciously consider this a break up (i.e. it wasn't a real relationship, he didn't really dump me, etc.). It doesn't matter. The point here is to fix your subconscious mind, not your conscious mind. Try to think of this as him dumping you. The more you can focus on his bad qualities (he's a jerk, he only wanted you for sex, etc.) and the bad things he did to you (he yelled at you, called you a name, made fun of you, etc.) the more quickly and easily your subconscious mind with realign to the understanding that he is "dangerous" to you, and you won't miss him anymore. The thing you have to understand is that your brain is really composed of 2 separate brains. There's the one you control, called your conscious mind, and there's the other one that you cannot control, called your subconscious mind (or "underneath-consciousness" mind). All that emotions really are, is the means by which your subconscious mind communicates to your conscious mind (aka you). It can make you scared to try to tell you that it has discovered something which it believes is dangerous or it can make you feel love to encourage you to do things to make that man happy so that he will satisfy your needs and desires.

    The best thing I would suggest is to focus on not being around him and finding a better man who won't treat you like that. I would highly suggest reading "The Fascinating Girl" by Helen Andelin. It was written in the 50's and has very good advice.

    I hope this helps.

    • wow... I'm a dude and I learned so much from this!

    • LOL! Maybe you should read that book too. :-) Sometimes it's good to spy on the advice for the other gender. It helps you to understand them better; and give them better advice.

  • Sure, you can text him if you're bored. You could just try and see what he's up to and find out if is interested into something serious, just to be sure. There's no harm in texting.

  • my question is what has your loved ones said about this? this guy is a player and he used you for sex. you see what he's doing but your hoping you can change his mind about you. you'll have to learn this lession the hard way unfortunately.

  • he only wants sex with you, and you only want him because you're bored. Seems like you guy see each other on a FWB level, so text him and explore that option.

    • but he's treating her like dirt... she can find a better FWB.

What Girls Said 1

  • He didn't get over you. He was never into you.

    I don't think you're honestly okay with being used, but if you've convinced yourself that you are, then by all means, go ahead. Some mistakes you have to make for yourself.