Online dating: not interested: to respond or not to respond?

I just got a message on an online dating website from someone I am not interested in (she is overweight).

Every time this happens, I ponder the golden rule. Do I respond and say "sorry, not interested" or just ignore the message?

Generally if I can give some constructive feedback or give a non mean reason I am not interested I will do so, but I can't I ignore the message. For example, (it is a jewish dating website) last week I responded to a non-jewish girl who messaged me, that I am on the site to meet jews, and I responded to another girl that I felt she mentioned for short height way too much and it made her look insecure about her height. Both girls seemed to appreciate the feedback. But I have never responded if my reasons are superficial i.e. she is fat, ugly, etc.

I have only ever received one constructive feedback response, which read "I don't like that you have a picture of a non-related female on your profile." I immediately removed the picture and ended up going out with the girl a few times. I would welcome any constructive response in the future, but would probably not want a response if it contained only a superficial reason for the girl not being interested.

So in conclusion I think, that ignoring the girl that just messaged me is a correct application o the golden rule. Thoughts?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You are a guy and how many times have you sent out messages and got no response? I say it is fair to just not respond. She knows she is overweight so why point that out. Some guy will come along and like her the way she is and that guy is not you, so don't worry about it.

    • Absolutely... when I think of all the times I've messaged lackluster girls only to receive no response... it drives me mad... ignore this fat bitch - she's probably used to it by now anyways

    • MikeK what is with the harsh words? She did nothing wrong.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Just ignore the message. It's online dating, it's not like she came up to you and started talking and you just kept walking.

    It's okay to give feedback if you think you can be constructive about it. I always appreciated when people took the time to give me constructive feedback. For instance if someone's profile is lacking a lot of information you could suggest to them to put in more information and give examples, or if they have details, give examples of things they could do to elaborate.

    In this situation though I'm not sure how you could be constructive without hurting her feelings. It's best just to ignore the message if you are not interested.

    Saying "Sorry, not interested" could come off as brash and make you seem like a jerk. It's just easier to ignore the message than have to deal with someone who might get hurt over that.

    I sent many messages when I was online dating that were not returned. Didn't hurt my feelings, I knew that not everyone would be interested in me, so just best to move on to other people.

  • That sounds about right. I ignore messages so it would be hypocritical of me to say otherwise.

  • If you are not interested, don't respond.


What Guys Said 2

  • You don't need to justify anything to her.

    If you aren't interested then don't reply.

    If you feel the need to, tell her straight up.

  • Just ignore her