Age old question--why do girls want cocky arrogant assholes?

and treat nice guys who treat them well like dirt?

WHY WHY WHY?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Some women put their sexual instints of attraction before their logic. Arrogance can be seen as confidence, and a fun challenge, and those types of guys are an ego boost for insecure women.

    And some girls will treat any man like dirt if he isn't enough of an asshole to knock her down some.

    The above options aren't healthy and don't have any envy over it.

    Trust me on this one though, the ones that are sweet AND very confident (minus mindless arrogance) are the ones that get the decent women and keep them. They may not look like they get a lot of attention because for the most part they've been in good long-term relationships, and are secure and keep it low-key.

    My advice to you, if you want a good woman, and good relationships, be a good guy, yes, but one with a great positive attitude and a lot of confidence. If a woman turns you down, move on to the next, being yourself, and you'll come out a winner.

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    • I hear you...but to use a baseball analogy, I've been beaned a few times in my first trips to the plate. How can a good guy not flinch (and so seem not confident) when his only experience is getting beaned?

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    • I was gonna answer this question, but skycat said it all. Good answer, 100% agreed!

    • You owned this question.

What Girls Said 40

  • there's something more exciting about them I guess. that and we have this illusion that maybe we'll to break them and make them ours, which is stupid. and a lot of times, unfortunately, the bad boys are just more attractive looking, which, let's face it, is a major reason that they become cocky a-holes.

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    • I agree with the answer, but I still disagree with the initial over-generalization that all (or even most) women flock to "bad" guys and shun the "nice" guys.

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    • Meh I hate that this site doesn't alert you when someone comments on the same answer that you commented on. (Hence why this response is 7 months late haha).

      Ivarei - So can we agree that after the high school years of life, nice guys are on at least a level playing field with the "cocky a-holes?" I'd say that's true.

      Question Asker - I don't think that every person is identical, and I'm not sure what made you think that. All I'm saying is that people over-exaggerate women's likelihood to seek..

    • Out a jerk among guys. People see one or two egregious examples of it (and there are definitely plenty of these around) and it catches their attention far more than a girl who likes an average guy, good guy, nerdy guy, or other non-jerk guy. I still think it's a definite minority of girls who are actually attracted to true jerks.

      Guys with confidence are likely to attract girls, but I don't think that this means that they're necessarily jerks. There's a fundamental distinction.

  • I don't know where this comes from. I certainly don't like assholes. Why do guys like stupid girls with big boobs?

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    • Read ivarei's answewr, I'm not making this up.

  • I understand what you mean. It can seem this way, but I think guys who feel this way aren't looking for the right woman. Not all women are like this. Some probably just want the challenge, but quite often the typical "hot" type of girl who thinks a lot of herself will go for an asshole kind of guy. Just as I've always wondered why many nice guys go for stuck up, bitchy girls. It works both ways and it can be extremely hard to find someone who likes you for who you really are, especially considering the fact that not many people show their true selves when they first meet someone. They might not realize until later what the person they're with is really like.

    I much prefer a man who will be my friend, respect me, and treat me in a kind, loving way over someone who has no regard for my feelings and thinks that he's better than everyone else.

    It probably doesn't help much, but please don't change who you are to try to impress someone else. If you're a nice guy, continue being a nice guy and if most girls are too foolish to see that, then they are really losing out.

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  • They want them because they seem exciting and bad, it seems fun.

    But usually, girls end up with the nice guys.

    Just like how guys think a skanky easy girl is hot, but he'd want to marry the nice, smart, interesting girl.

    It's all about attraction, but some attractions don't last in the long run.

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    • No we don't think skanky girls are hot, we just think their easy, and that's who we go for when we're just looking for a good time.

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    • Skycat, they just seem like less work, and sometimes, we are tired.

    • Slutty is sexy ..... the less slutty a girl is and the less turned on by bad boys they are on evrage they are WAY less attractive.

  • I'm forced to wonder the same thing. I, personally, crave "nice guys". Any arrogant asshole is a loser in my opinion and should die. Immediately.

    As for answering your actual question, though, unfortunately it may be an evolutionary defense mechanism. It's usually considered an acceptable biological theory that women (and females in general) want/need a protective male figure for the sake of their children. While the female is raising the young, the male is protecting and providing. It may be that "cocky arrogant assholes" are seen as the more physically capable of the population. I don't believe that's true, but it's an idea...

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  • Sometimes the handsome GUYS are not so nice, I suppose. I however, go for a man that respects me and himself. I don't compromise on that issue - I am 31 and I have had my share of men that don't know how to treat a woman. Then again a girl has to grow into a woman to realize that she is worth it. Also, a guy has to grow into a man to treat a woman properly - there aren't that many men out there it seems.

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  • Oh God I HATE that! The whole girls who like the assholes thing. I totally used to be shallow enough to only like guys because they were cute, but most were freaking assf***s who got on my last nerve so I gave up on them and looked at the sweet guys I knew, and hell if that prospect didn't look a whole lot better! And really, it's carnal instinct that leads those ladies downs such a crappy path, I guess. Hormones and the such? I don't know.

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  • Well, I don't know about that. I personally prefer nice guys, and treat the arrogant assholes like dirt. If a girl is treating you like dirt, then there is definitely something wrong in your relationship with her. If she's your girlfriend, then I might suggest NOT being her boyfriend. People deserve better than being treated like dirt. But some girls (the arrogant asshole type) sometimes use a guy to make another guy jealous. Or if they start treating their boyfriend badly all of a sudden it could be because they're getting bored?

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  • I don't know why but I always fall for the arrogant and pompous guys. I do treat guys like crap I have to be honest that are very nice to me I find it sickening. I like chivilary but not mushy gushy crap. This one guy was too much I told him off countless times and he was still like well, will you call me? I mean usually the cocky ones havei don't know how to explain I hated and argued with my current boyfriend. I couldn't stand his guys but it is trrue that there is a fine line between love and hate. All of the " nice guys" seem to be fake to me and it seems like theguys I know are being more sappy than nice

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  • cocky assholes are exactly what I avoid.

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  • those are the type of people, let alone guys, that I find utterably detestable. I hate arrogance and what it does to people.

    i think that girls see this as confidence [idk, but there is this fine line somehow between the two] and that's what they/we are attracted to, but upon further examination, they/we see the real deal and then they/we get to thinking that they/we can change him.

    [i keep using they/we because I actually have never had a bf]

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  • I believe the problem here is that the majority of very ATTRACTIVE males possess that type of horrid personality. Girls are not pining for a man who will disrespect them, cheat/lie, openly flirt, disregard their needs, be pompous, etc. Girls of course, ideally want the exact opposite: someone who is attentive, emotionally available, loyal, and loving. However, sexual desire and the aesthetic pull can outweigh a girl's rationality.

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  • When guys are really nice to girls (sometimes) it makes the girl think "oh I can have him whenever" or "he's such a creeper why is he so nice to me"

    And I think most girls TRY to go for guys who AREN'T asshole but for some reason when guys think a girl likes them they start treating her like dirt so it SEEMS like girls like guys who are jerks but really the guys just turn into jerks after the girls meet them...

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    • Hey, I'm not a jerk after I meet a girl, I can tease a girl sometimes, but that's just for attention, and I have had only one relationship that I was a real jerk in, and she was as some others have said a "deceptive whore" and often I wasn't being so much a jerk, as just being responsible.

    • I agree with this comment.It seems for some reason that both men and women subconsciously go for the bad boy or bad girl.I think its the challenge of it all or the mystery.I also think there are a lot of smoothtalkers that can talk a good game & as soon as they think they've got you their true colors come out.I think its also because they get comfortable and think that person isn't going anywhere so they act however they want to,but its up to you to let them get away with it.Ive made that mistake.

    • Sometimes girls have excessive demands in a relationship and if you try to fulfill them all you become too nice and boring

  • Depends on the girl. I am a nice, shy girl I like the sweet boys with great personalities and okayish looks.

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  • You answered your own question. Because they are GIRLS not women. GIRLS want the bad boy type - they haven't grown up yet.

    I used to like the bad boy type but only because I believed I didn't deserve better. Now, I'm all about the good guys. I can't stand tools.

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  • They dont

    They are attracted to guys with confidence and an appealing fun personality not someone who is shy and quiet lol but many of them appealing guys end up being dicks hu are full of themselves lol

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  • I don't.

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  • Not all girls/women do. The ones who end up with such creatures, obviously have self-esteem issues. I wouldn't want anything to do with such a male.

    It's the same with men who seem to make a bee line for women who treat them badly. Who have no respect for them and use them. They are not in a healthy place.

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  • It's one thing to say as women we want a guy who's going to be nice and sweet to us, but this site proves that we don't always choose what we know is best for us. In my experience girls want a guy who is going to be a jerk to everyone except her, unfortunately it doesn't always happen that way. Keep in mind also that a guy that appears to be a jerk to you might be her knight in shining armor. If that's the case they deserve each other.

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  • nOT ALL GIRLS GO FOR THAT.

    maybe (just a piece of advice)

    if a girl keeps on treating you like that, just get a move on. Forget her.

    Find a better girl. One who will treat you right.

    Of course, YOU TOO HAVE TO TREAT HER WELL TO RECEIVE THE TREATMENT YOU WANT. :)

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  • there is no correct answer to this question

    all women are different , are attracted to different types of guys and see things in a different way.

    you say why girls like assholes.. well you ever heard the quote ; what you know you can't have you want it more?

    well its a little something like that .. girls are used to being degrated which is a horrible thing.. blame it on society.

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  • Because we get told by our moms that if a boy is mean to us it's because he likes us.

    We also like arrogant men because they seem more confident, even though most of the time they aren't. Bad boys also present a challenge, some girls think they can change the guy, or some girls think that they'll be the exception for that asshole, and they'll be the only girl he treats nicely and realises he really loves and it'll make them feel special. But that doesn't happen.

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    • Arrogance is not confidence. It's usually the opposite..a sign of hidden insecurity.

  • Not ever girl's like that..

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  • They are hot, confident, and lets be honest here, exciting. The good boy is just capable of being a friend because he sees you for yourself, but he is boring, nerdy, and not so confident. But it is possible to like a nerd! Hey but don't worry, THe bad boys are all dick heads, and they'll get the girl one day!

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    • Why do bad boys excite girls, but bad girls just make an easy lay for guys?

  • they're the best sweet talkers

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    • Yeah , and that's why the saying "all men are jerks". They get more attention=>popularity=> interesting but it's underneath that counts. Not all men are jerks, it's just that lately some men grow up thinking that being a jerk is a masculine thing

  • I hate to say it but I do,

    But its just the way are world is and it was like that all the way thru school so it kind of just comes naturally.

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  • i don't think its they want cocky arrogant assholes I think its more they want someone who is comfortable in their own skin and someone who doesn't smother them. guys who are overly nice tend to smother and have no back bone...no offense guys :)

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  • Because he is a challenge to most girls.

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    • Indeed, and that's what's gets them in trouble and makes them say "I have no luck..."

  • Girls like a challenge just as much as boys do. nice guys make everything too easy , and bad boys generally make everything difficult and therefore making the girl chase the guy for once

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  • i dont.

    i like my guy to treat me with love and respect=]

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What Guys Said 17

  • Not all women go for jerks, just as not all guys go for "easy" women. There are a lot of generalizations out there in the dating world, and they don't help any of us, men and women alike. My opinion is that men should be "guys who happen to be nice" and not necessarily "nice guys". In other words, don't be afraid to stand up to people, speak your mind, and be yourself, no matter what. Be the kind of person that doesn't take any crap, but doesn't dish any out either.

    If you're friendly, caring and polite, by all means don't change that; but don't overdo it to the point that you come off looking like a people-pleasing, spineless doormat. A guy who is assertive and comfortable in his own skin will always be seen as attractive by women. Unfortunately, the "jerks" of the world have the ability to act however they feel like, whenever they feel like, which can be perceived as assertiveness (even though they're two different behaviors in reality). If a guy can be both caring and assertive, then in my opinion it's only a matter of time before he finds a great woman.

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  • Women don't like whiny guys. Work more on being assertive and less on seeking sympathy. Don't be a spineless guy who devotes himself to girls, just be yourself while maintaining a considerate approach to others. Women figure out that a guy is an asshole before long, but they also figure out when a guy has no backbone or personality apart from serving her, too. Neither of these extremes ends well.

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    • How can anyone disagree with this? This guy has it exactly right. Ultimately, I think girls look for a guy subconsciously who makes them feel safe and protected. But still NICE!

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    • Well, first of all, whether or not you are personally whiny doesn't really concern me, nor does it change my answer. It was a general question, and I apologize if my response was individualized, I should have generalized it. I think you're right that what I'm speaking of obsequiousness, and I'm glad to hear that you're apparently not. Still, the way that you worded your initial question does come off as very whiny, regardless of the eventual clarification.

  • Of course, not all women go for men of this design, but you have a point in noting the oddly large percentage that do. I believe most of these women want to basque in the heady social posing that being with such a man allows, but, I think more importantly, they feel some sense of challenge, and potential accomplishment, in "taming" them. I can't understand this thinking, but, for some reason, it' there. We're only allowed to wonder at it.

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  • Check out this link and the articles in it: link

    While it may not speak for all women, I think it has some generally good explanations of your question. The overall answer: Women like the confidence of the "assholes" and "jerks" and their "don't give a sh*t" attitude. Those types of guys are hard to understand, and are a "challenge" for women emotionally. They seem more exciting because they don't act perfect all the time; they Most girls won't admit it (watch, they will probably respond to this post) but women won't respond positively to a guy who treats them perfect from the start. They see that as being too clingy and boring. If you make yourself available all the time, always cater to a girl or try and please her all the time, she may start to think you are insecure. In the women's eyes, the "nice guys" seem insecure, because they won't be straightforward with what they really want and just go after it. That's why if you've seen "jerks" or "assholes" pick up women, they will often seem rude, disrespectful, and too aggressive. Yet, WOMEN ALMOST ALWAYS RESPOND TO IT.

    The idea isn't to treat women badly, just not to let THEM treat YOU any different than you want. I have a perfect example from my personal life:

    I was bored one weekend night when a girl my friend invited over started to get really annoying, I just wanted to get out of the house, so I texted this girl I knew (not very well, she and her roommate had hung out with me and my roommates a few times) I was going to ask her to go for another late night snack run like we had done before. she ended up not getting back to me until the next morning, so I explained that I had needed to get out of the house that night and we laughed about it. so then she said I could make it up to her (I was going to get her snack for her as long as she got me out of the house) by buying her and her roommate beer (I am of age and she isn't). Not before I had texted her that night, I had messaged her on facebook a couple times before asking her if she ever wanted to do the late night snack run, but she had never gotten back to me. Besides that, I think she was crushing on my roommate, because he is real popular with the ladies.

    Now the "nice guy" probably would have bought the beer for her. But I thought to myself: "Screw that, she never mentioned wanting to hang out until she needed someone to get alcohol for her!" So I told her straight out that I wouldn't do it for her. She asked why and I said I wasn't going to be her "booze b**i**t**c**h" Well I think she was p*ssy about it and I haven't heard from her since. But I don't care, I wasn't going to do something for her just because it was convenient for her at the time, especially if she hadn't bothered to message me back about hanging out more.

    Bottom line, if you want to attract girls, act like you don't give a damn about them, and don't do anything nice for them just for the hell of it. trust me.

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  • I'm late to the party, but here's my brainstorm:

    Women like the benefits of risk, but not the disadvantages.

    A cocky, arrogant asshole is a risk-taker. He's bold and confident -- and those traits are attractive.

    But what women fail to understand is that associating with risk-takers *is* a risk. (Like if you're drug free but are friends with dope smokers, there's still a risk the cops will seize your car because it transported drugs.)

    Women often choose these guys because the risks are sexy and exciting -- but the problem comes when women think they have some God-given right to associate with risk takers, yet not face the consequence of their decisions.

    In short, millions of women are dodging responsibility for their actions, and failing to see the relationship between cause and effect. And they unfairly blame the guy, and fail to see their part in the dilemma.

    The smart girls eventually wise up and realize that those exciting guys aren't always worth the risk. It's saddest when they realize this too late, after a marriage and a few kids are tangled up in the mess.

    But some other people never learn.

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    • That's a very intelligent comment! Historically, in just about every human society women were not allowed to choose mates at all until fairly recently. Your comment show the old world had good reasons for keeping women in lower status. Today, women have been given their full rights. And many women use their rights to chase after the worst men they can find! Where will it take us?

  • I'm not a girl, but I think it's really a matter of numbers. In that there are simply more cocky, arrogant assholes out there. As a nice guy myself I can tell you it's not easy to be a nice guy, it requires a lot of work and you have to think about how you conduct yourself. Of course as you well know once you start you can't just stop or turn it off as you would feel you are betraying yourself much less anybody you interact with. I can tell you not to give up, even if you are mistreated. Think of yourself as one of the last few social Samurai or a Knight and you are unwilling to step down from your position even in the face of opposition. Even if you are in a crowd of chowder heads you will know what it is you are made of and that will make all the difference. I salute you fellow Sir Knight, stay strong, stay true, and stay the good person that you are.

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  • Girls date guys who are jerks because they have confidence. Nice guys generally lack the confidence needed to attract girls. Girls like guys who are nice, but they do not like "nice guys" because nice guys let girls walk all over them! A girl will determine whether or not she likes a guy enough to date him within the first five minutes of meeting him. You will never win a girl over by buying her flowers and pouring your heart out for her all at once, those are things you do once you are already in a relationship with her. If she doesn't like you romantically, there is nothing you can do to change that. However, it IS possible to be a nice person and still get girls, you just need to be confident and funny. Don't act desperate, because girls think desperate guys are creepy and clingy. These nice guys put a girl on a pedestal, instead of thinking of her as being on an equal playing field. Girls are normal human beings just like you, so treat them like you would anybody else, but also remember to be creative and original so she'll think you're interesting. I hope I helped!

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  • because girls can't tell the difference between "arrogance/asshole" and "confident". they think theyre one and the same when theyre not. they say they want a confident guy and they see arrogance as being confidence.

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  • It's simple.

    "Cocky arrogant assholes" have a few traits that women are attracted to. They're confident, in control, don't come off as needy or clingy, and they're generally more interesting. Too many "nice" guys try to show off how nice they are. They'll do stupid things like buy a woman gifts early on in a relationship, they'll try to emphasize that they like mom, treat women well, etc. Boring stuff.

    Girls want nice guys that don't scream "nice guy". They don't actually like assholes, they just are attracted to a few certain traits. If you can be confident and interesting, while still treat women and other people well, it will go far. And funny.

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    • Why is being treated well boring? I just don't get it.

      I don't try to oversell myself, but yes, I will be nice to a woman early on. How can that be bad??

    • Being treated well isn't boring, it's just so many women are used to getting their asses kissed that they LIKE to have a swift kick in the balls sometimes. You need to treat women well while still being interesting. You need to be in control of the relationship, you need to lead. You can't let the woman make all the decisions or you'll look like a wuss, and that is probably the least attractive quality a guy can have. Don't be afraid to make fun of a girl, to bust her chops a bit IN A FUNNY WAY

  • Why blame only the girls for falling for arrogant, inconsiderate and selfish people? The whole society seems to value them. Look at hollywood movies. Look at company CEOs. Look at sports icons. They all seem to project that success at any cost is sexy, even though it all ends badly in the end.

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  • All women look for confidence but they don't know the types of confidence, you can be an asshole and arrogant person an they will think of you that you are confident and you are, but in a shallow " I want to show that I'm confident" way. Real confidence shows up in other situations like society and risky situations. It shows in time, in how you act in critical situations. My advice ? If she's like that forget her, she is still learning what's good and what's bad.

    Don't waste you time thinking about this, if she doesn't like you the way you are , she's not worth it ( too bad I learned that the hard way :( )

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  • stop taking it personally, and instead examine relationships like these very closely.

    you'll see that most of the girls who prefer arrogant, cocky @ssholes are manipulative, catty b!tches.

    it's really no mystery.

    birds of a feather flock together.

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  • Friggin annoying right? That's why I blame women for 85%+ of problems with/in relationships and dating.

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  • its not really that women want the cocky arrogant guy, its just that they don't want a guy to be soo overly dramatic, that its making them look the woman themselves, daisy was making this point on her show that you should let the women handle the glam stuff etc... there were some guys on her show, that looked more like girls then she did, and she's pretty girly. so id say just be nice, but know how to be a man too, such as being able to lift etc...

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  • Because they see the assholes as alpha males and are instictively drawn to them, the nice guys are usually weaker beta males. If you're not a strong guy you can always win them other ways, just DO NOT try to be their friends. Go for all or nothing, use funniness or play a guitar and you'll be alright.

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  • cocky and funny attitude conveys great deal of confidence and "high social value"

    women are genetically programmed to be attracted to people with high social value

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  • so true. the guy that gets treated like dirt starts treating women bad because of the girls who treated them bad for being nice. its a f***ed up cycle.

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