How can I get out of this rut?

it has been 2 years since I have been with any one, and I'm worried that I might turn out alone, the thing is every time I go up to a girl she turns me down, I don't know y, I admit I know nothing about chatting up women, but I need some help to get me on to a path. I don't know what would help, gym and buying a car, I know I'm not the most attractive guy in the world but I'm sure I'm not the worse, even though I wear glasses. would really be grateful for some help, losing a battle


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ditch the glasses, invest in contacts or buy more attractive glasses.

    Going to the gym would probably help boost your self-esteem, girls like to be chased, and we pay attention to if a guy works out. If you're considered a "geeky guy", you need to throw out the star wars t-shirts and hide the figurines, or whatever. Geeks as "cuties" has been on the rise, so a Geeky Gym Rat would definitely be a sight to behold.

    When it comes to chicks, simple conversation, talk to us like you would anyone else, there's no secret to it. You just comment "I really like that shirt" or "I like your scarf", something along those lines. "Your hair looks nice."

    Something to get our attention, we love compliments, just say them with confidence, a confident guy and a relaxed guy are the type of thing we tend to pick up on. When a guy is nervous and scared out of his mind, it puts us off.

    So yeah, go to the gym, take a speech class, randomly compliment a girl on the bus or at the bookstore.

    We're turning you down probably because either,

    1. You ooze "I'm so terrified to do this"

    2. Your personal hygiene isn't the best

    3. You come on too strong

    4. Your aiming way to high.

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    • Wait wait What the hell is oozing?

    • Ooze: slow drip of a not quite solid or liquid matter. Example: Blood slowly oozed from my nostrils during a hot dry day. In this case, ooze is used to express or convey that he may be trying to keep his nervousness at bay, but it is slowly seeping out through his question, making it apparent that he is uncomfortable or put off by the task at hand.

      I know, sometimes I say the weirdest things, it's okay though...I think...

What Girls Said 8

  • We all hit a dry spell every now and then - unless you're a movie star look a like with wads of cash - it happens.

    The more you focus on being single, the more unbearable it will seem. So instead of moping about being single - find alternative ways to spend you time.

    There are plenty of activities you can do as a single guy - what they are I have no clue, because I've only been a single girl. But when I was single I took aerobic classes, went on trips, played minesweeper on my computer for hours and hours, shopped, read, contemplated my life and my desires. I did things that I wanted to do and enjoyed the experience. I wanted to join a writing group and take some dance classes, but I got a boyfriend instead - bummer. : p

    Sure, life can seem sweeter with a partner, but that's only if that's all you allow yourself to believe. Despite your relationship status time will keep trucking by and one day you'll wake up 45 years old and giving bad advice on a cheesy advice site. Use the time now to make great memories and stock up on experiences, it's better than spending it moping around.

    And it's true, the minute you stop looking, you'll walk right into love.

    Good luck and have faith.

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  • Maybe your looking for the wrong girls, I know quite a few guys who get turned down because they go out of there league. Try making a list of what qualities you find most attractive in a girl ex. Funny, nice, athletic etc. That way you know who you want to look for. Also try looking for woman at like a book store, lounge. And if you like a girl who loves animals volunteer at an animal shelter you may find who your looking for. As for the glasses they can be very cute on some guys as long as they are the small square ones, or go with contacts like the others said. Once you have great confidence in yourself everyone one will see it. : ]

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  • u g2 b confident and u- get ya sum swagga lol glasses can b SUPER SXY! get you sum really stylish ones and rock em! or ya you can get you sum contacts- my main thing that I tell ppl- is that there are all diff types of sexy- you can't b sum othr person- you can only b u! so rock wut you got- b confident! and evn attractive people get turned down so you just g2 rock wut you got and don't spend ur time focusing on gurls- focus on things you like to do.. and you will prob find a gurl that way- and yall will have sumthing and common! I'm tellin u- the best thing a guy can have is confidence- don't confuse this w cockiness.. good luck 2 ya dear! you will find you an awesome lady who appreciates you 4 u!

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  • I haven't been with anyone in about the same amount of time. It has nothing to do with looks (I'm not bragging but people always tell me I'm attractive). I just want a guy with a sense of humor and if you aren't funny I don't really like you.. A lot of times men don't ask me out because they are intimidated. My advice is to ask out a girl who may be more attractive than you and make her laugh. A girl can't resist a funny guy.

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  • I know exactly how you feel. I'm a girl so I don't ask guys out but every time me and a guy start talking, they ruin it! so I'm left alone and hurt. iv been single for a year and about 4 or 5 months. its not the best feeling to always see couples everywhere kissing and seeming like they are all happy. all I do everynight is pray to God and ask him to help me find the right guy to be with. of course it won't happen the day after you pray, it will take time. just be patient.

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  • hey if its any condolance I never had a boyfriend ever! and I'm still trying to get one.

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  • I think you should just try to make more friends who are girls and who knows, maybe one of them will turn out being alright. for me, I've been single for the longest time and it sucks. I am just trying to deal with anger and the hatred I have for one of my ex boyfriends. right now, I'm not the most attractive either, but I've been working on myself so guys will notice me

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  • well. I think glasses can be attractive. besides--that's who you are. don't change it without very good reason.

    sounds like you should be more confident. do things that make you feel good about yourself--nice clothes, working out, smelling good, whatever. not only will you feel better and be able to go up to girls and talk to them, they'll find those qualities attractive.

    regardless of what you do, just be confident. stop being nervous. when you come up to talk to us and you're nervous, we feel bad. we want to see the conversation go well. we're not gonna just shoot you down, unless we're bitches (and you wouldn't want to talk to someone like that anyways haha). so just be confident. if you can't feel confident, fake it. works everytime.

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What Guys Said 5

  • The first way to think about getting out of a rut is realizing that you aren't in a rut in the first place. Society says you're in a rut because you're single. Who single was a bad thing? lol That's right society. So stand up on your two feet and realize that you are free. You are free to do anything. Including talking to ANY girl. Find your confidence through yourself, not through others. I've been single for three and a half years and and I'm about to live in Chicago. No attachments. The girls will come. They will come.

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  • "...I don't know what would help,"

    There are plenty of excellent advices given in this thread already.

    If you don't mind one more, here is one. >>>>> Write down on paper the kind of girlfriend you want to have, then focus on your answers. Things will change when you do that.

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  • What to do regarding PHYSICAL appearance:

    1) Focus a LOT on personal hygiene. Whatever you're doing right now, you can do better. Have acne? Buy some concealer. Do you have a hint of a mustache or some other stray facial hairs? Shave it. Clean yourself a lot. Wear a nice, non overpowering deodorant or cologne. Out of control pubic hairs are also a no-no. Could your teeth benefit from some whitener? Buy Crest Whitening Strips. ABSOLUTELY NO FOOT OR ANY KIND OF BAD ODOR ALLOWED.

    2) Find an interesting and attractive set of clothes. You need to get nice clothes. Don't make it look you're trying too hard though. I generally go for nice Calvin Klein shirts, and jeans. Also, girls will notice the details you won't. Meaning if your belt matches your shoes, or doesn't, they will pick up on it. You would benefit from learning a bit about fashion, but not in a gay way. In an interesting, sexually-secure way.

    What to do about your personality:

    Despite what girls and you may think, being handsome is probably the least important of the things you can do to attract a girl (even super hot ones, if you're really good with women). If you develop a confident, magnetic personality, that is more important than your looks. This is no joke, and this applies to mostly all women. To actually do this I recommend searching for various dating ebooks online.

    Even though approaching women might be new to you, most women (even average looking ones) are used to be hitting on in one form or another constantly. So they will not be as uncomfortable as most guys are when trying to pick them up. There's a number of ways to enter in a conversation. You may want to say something like "my friends and I were talking, and we wanted a female perspective on ". When it comes to getting their phone number, ask them "Do you have email?". When they say "yes", take it as them saying they'll give it to you. Pull out a piece of paper and a pen, and give it to them. Then as they're writing it, say "Oh, and could you put your phone number too?". Then you can leave at that point. It's probably best to email them first, and if they reply, then it's safe to call them.

    You do not want to be Ass Kisser Guy. Despite how politically incorrect it may be, women want a dominant guy who doesn't seem needy or always give them what they want. Women often resent a man who caves in and gives them everything they want. Remember this. It's very important to never look clingy or needy. You need to be in control of yourself and your reality.

    Be interesting as well. DATES ARE NOT JOB INTERVIEWS. Don't ever talk about school, work, family, etc unless you ABSOLUTELY run out of options. Talk about things they aren't used to hearing. Stuff interesting to women.

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  • Like the girl said, get contacts or laser eye surgery. Any glasses should be for fashion only and easily disposed of.

    Shake it up and try lots of things that you haven't tried before: online dating, bars that scare you, penpals in different countries, out-of-the-blue e-mails to girls who interest you, attend a new church, dance classes.

    A crazy idea might be to start your own dating web site or dating business or get involved with somebody else's dating business. It gives you a reason to talk to girls, find out if they are available, get phone numbers ("to help them sign up"), hand out business cards with your phone number and work the room.

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  • Confidence is the key with girls. Showing that you have confidence in yourself shows a lot to them. Gym is a great confidence booster. Not worrying about the next time you'll be with anyone would be another great thing to do. Nevvvver ever ever try and change who you are just for the sakes of trying to sleep with someone. Sounds like you want a relationship, though, and you won't be able to get a meaningful one if you're not yourself in the first place.

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