Why is someone in their 20's and "inexperienced" considered weitd?

I have noticed since I have been in college and even in grad school that anyone (male or female) who hasn't been in a relationship is considered as having something wrong. It gets worse if they haven't kissed someone or gone a date. When did it become absolutely necessary to have experienced all these things by the time you are 20? Is the thought never considered that maybe that person was shy or decided to focus on other things besides relationships and hooking up. But instead these people are teased, people don't won't to date them because they think they will be bad at physical stuff or clingy, and they end up thinking something must seriously wrong with them.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There are some immature people out there who will look down on those who are behind the curve in relationships and matters of love. That being said, if you, or anyone else is lacking experience, you might want to try to be introspective to ask if it was because you had other priorities, or because you didn't know how to relate to men on beyond a platonic level? People that have been in a lot of bad relationships or casual hookups aren't exactly the type you want advice from when it comes to finding something serious. Are you trying to get in a relationship now, or are you going to try for that at some point later?

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    • I really have just been focusing on my studies and making sure that I can take of myself. I have many guy friends and I have had the pleasure of being there when the conversations turns to girl and what kind they want/ who they met. The cute but inexperienced ones are always tossed to the side cause they will, "probably be clingy and boring." They don't bother dating to see what will happen which has happened to me. They get interested until they find out then they just want to be friends.

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    • If I liked them and they made a move I would date them in a heartbeat. Problem is we can never sync on telling each other how we feel :( I probably haven't fully stated my intentions and it's possible they perceive me as just being nice (I'm friendly to everyone). Guys always tell me how I'm different and would make a wonderful girlfriend...I guess just not for them because they think I'm prudish. But I don't want to go out of my way to prove I'm not.

    • Your wording suggests that you're being too passive and waiting for the guys to take all the risk. In dating, there is risk involved on both the guy's and girl's perspective. You don't have to go out of your way to prove you're not a prude, but if you have some awesome male friends, you should be more touchy with them (doesn't have to be suggestive) and flirty with them. Take it beyond just being nice. If they don't get that hint, you can ask if they could ever see dating you.

What Guys Said 3

  • Because most people in their 20s are usually somewhat experienced in those things. Even if they haven't been with many people they have at least done it once or twice. It isn't necessarily bad to be inexperienced. It is just not the norm.

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  • actually I never been in a date but I never thought that there's something wrong with me bec I tried like 5 times to get in a relationship but they all rejected me bec they alway's want's me to be the brother that they never had & still friends 4 ever I don't know why's that.

    actually I want it so badly I wanna fall in love with the a girl who loves me & appreciated me but that one didn't exist yet.

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  • Something like nearly half of the people enter college as virgins. At your age, something like at least a third still are. It is far more common than you think and nothing to be ashamed of. STD's and heartbreak from being with the wrong people is not worth it, but you should try to make an effort to get to know more men if your intention is to eventually be in a serious relationship. It takes time to practice and find the right person.

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What Girls Said 2

  • There's really no valid reason I think, but generally speaking most people lose their virginity before age 20, like in high school. People think if you haven't done it by then something must be wrong with you because it's not the norm.

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  • I wondered this myself. I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend or my first kiss because I haven't met anyone who I think it would work out with for at least a little while and have it be somewhat meaningful. It really used to bother me, but I talk to several of my friends who have dated a lot and have had casual hookups. Every one of them says they wish that they would be doing like I am and waiting to meet someone who is worth my time and will have some sort of positive impact on my life, even if it's not a relationship that's going to last forever.

    At times, the fact that I've never kissed still makes me feel weird compared to other people, but no one can look at me and tell that I'm incredibly inexperienced, so I'm learning how to not let it get to me.

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