Why is he behaving this way? Advice, please!

To all the men out there and women too, I'd love some input. Please read for I am so lost. I'd appreciate any help. I'm so inexperienced in physical matters.

Over winter break I started seeing a man on the basis of a friends with benefits relationship. I didn't quite understand how far the benefits would extend but I didn't want to move past 2nd base. We established that early. We had a wonderful time on the first three dates until he started to pressure me to move past 2nd base. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with it and I wanted to wait until I was in love before going that far with him.

He assured me that he cared deeply for me, wanted to protect me, and would stay in my life no matter what. However, the next three dates, he was noticeably distant and not as eager to spend time with me. He always insisted on me texting him first as the initiator and became indignant when I wouldn't, wanting to be smothered in attention.

After the 6th date, I've still refused to move past 2nd base and he has not seen me in a week, never texting first, being cold. He has reluctantly agreed to see me again but keeps insisting that we be physically adventurous and the only reason that he wants to touch me is to make ME happy. I like him and want to keep in my life. I've developed feelings even though I know he is being unreasonable. It's so disappointing. I'm so hurt.

I need some insight into a man's mind. What do I do? Guys, does this behavior sound familiar to you?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Text book quite frankly. Super easy question.

    This guy is the text book example of a guy using you for sex. You'll know because he becomes distant when you refuse to have sex. Why? Because you've refused him the only value in which he was seeking. If I go to a store, looking for a widget but they don't sell widgets, why would I go back there?

    I'm not saying that normal guys who are genuine don't want to have sex with you, but the point is it takes a much lower priority. As a result, they are more willing to wait and you won't see as much of a drop off in their interest towards you when you make a statement like you just did. In fact, good guys, like myself, will actually be enthused to hear the girl say that. It tells me she is looking for something serious and vice verse isn't just using me for sex.

    My simply advice is drop this guy. He's playing you for sex and attention and its why he gets made when he doesn't get either. Your a trophy. Just drop him. Let this also be a lesson that using FWB as a spring board for entering a serious relationship rarely works. While not impossible, rarely to healthy relationships prosper when predicated upon sex. If someone asks you to have sex early on, don't fault them right away, but if they get made or keep pressuring you, that's when its a bad sign. If they immediately back off, stop pressuring you, don't get angry, and continue paying you the same amount of time and attention, then your most likely in the clear. He was just a normal guy wanting to have sex with the girl who he loves.

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What Guys Said 5

  • He is using you for sex. Truth is you want more than friends with benefits, either a relationship or an actual friendship. Friends with benefits is not many times not even an actual friendship. All about sex. Anything goes and can be broken off at any point, no obligations. All physical, most of the time no emotion. Its just sex then get the hell out and you only contact each other to meet up and have sex. Obviouslly he said a bunch of sh*t to make you trust him and now that he sees your emotionally attached, he's backing away. Me personally, I'm not into these types of relationships and thimk theyre stupid and recommend any girl avoiding this type of relationship with a guy unless theyre looking for sex without emotions or relationship or friendship . This is not what you want obviously. Break it off, and find a guy who cares about you and will protect you. "Benefits" to many guys means just sex. But, not all. I'm sorry you deserve better.

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  • he isn't being unreasonable... you are

    the answers already said say that he is a d*** which WOULD be true if you wernt supposedly FRIENDS WITH F***ING BENEFITS.

    that kind of relationship is built on sex and NOTHING else, and here you are talking about love and sh*t lol If you wanted that kind of romance then why are you friends with benefits? makes literally no sense.

    The guy may have agreed 2nd base at the time... but being a relationship supposedly built on physical fun (which is what friends with benefits is, cause you don't quite seem to have that understanding lol) he probably assumed that you would WANT to move on to something more...and you havnt, which means that your friends with benefits...

    without the benefits... brilliant. you know that just makes you friends right?

    no wonder he's distant, your attempting to change what was supposedly gonna be a fun non serious relationship into something he never wanted.

    seriously if you don't want sex then this relationship ain't right for you, OR him. and it sounds like he knows it.

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  • He wants sex.

    What I can't tell is if he only wants sex, so you're a waste of time, or if he genuinely liked you but can't handle the incredibly slow pace.

    I'd guess due to your complete inexperience you wouldn't be able to tell or pick up on the signals to tell us either.

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  • the reason he is being "cold" to you is because you are pretty much blue balling him. he probably does want the best for you be in your life etc but as a guy he still wants sex. no matter how much you blow on the coals you still can't make a fire with out any wood.

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    • This is true but if he agreed to it he needs to stick o his word as her emotional safety is more important tht his balls. My boyfriend and I agreed to wait until marriage and although we've made out pretty passionately he has NEVER pressed that on me

  • Just hit me up guurl and we have some good time

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What Girls Said 2

  • ive been in this situation before(several times). one guy, we madeout a lot but he eventually would say that he didn't understand why I wasn't into just casual sex. he tried to talk me into it but it never happened. even though I really liked him. he was sweet and cool and a great kisser. I'm sure it would have been great. but I'm really glad I waited because the guy I'm with now waited for me to get comfortable. and I love him so much...sooooo much! I honestly want to marry this guy. pretty sure I will too

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  • He just wants sex. Please please please don't let him pressure you. You're a strong girl I can tell so I don't think you will. He seems more invested physically than emotionally and that isn't cool. This one guy who my friend was actually dating pressured her into sex and literally broke up with her a couple days ago. I'd kick him to the curb

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