Why is my ex being so difficult? I just wanna get my things!

Ok, so my ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago. It ended up being a very bad and very bitter breakup. He told me that he didn't hate me but he didn't wanna know me anymore ( this was after he saw me dancing with someone at a bar), then he told me I was dead to him and he never wanted to speak to me again blah blah.

That'd all be fine but we lived together and I still have a lot of things at the apartment. I had asked my best friend ( who has been dating his little brother) to text him and ask when I could get my things and he flipped out! He told her not to be my messenger, that I could text him about my things ( even though anytime before I tried talking to him about that or anything in general he told me to not talk to him). She explained that I didn't wanna talk to him because I didn't want drama and I just didn't feel comfortable with it. He proceeded to tell her how much happier he was since he " kicked me out of his life" and that I was mental and blah blah.

SO after that he decided it was a good idea to text me -_-. He said to stop having my friend text him about it, that I could, and then he told me he was keeping my couch. Needless to say I went off on him and then at the end of the message I told him when I'd be there and that a guy who I've been talking to will be coming with me( I didn't want him to go but he insisted in case my ex tried to not give me my things). I didn't say that rub it in his face I just wanted to let him know and I told him he didn't have to be there when we came. I told him if the time I said I'd be there didn't work that he could text me and lmk. But he never texted me.

I just wanna get this breakup over with and I hate that I have to contact him again at some point to get my things ( he won't let me go there when he's not home. he's actually said he'll set it all outside but I don't want him doing that Because I don't want anyone taking it lol). Any ideas on why he's being difficult? Any suggestions?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all mentioning a new guy you're with is no way to make this situation any easier. And let's be honest there are two reasons why you brought up. 1) because you want a guy around when you try to get your stuff 2) to make him jealous (otherwise you would have been sensitive to how it would make him feel so soon after the break up)

    I think to get your stuff you have one of three options:

    1I you should give him some time. Right now the wounds for both of you are too fresh and even reasonable requests will probably turn into fights.

    2) wait til he's not there (at work or something) and go get your stuff then, I assume you still have access to the place

    3) ask your ex's brother to be a mediator, not your female friend because he sees any friend of yours as an enemy of his at the moment. the brother could let you know when your ex is not home and maybe let you in to get your stuff or maybe the brother can get the stuff for you

    If none of the stuff is vitally important at the moment for you to have, I think your best bet is to weight. You're both exhibiting behavior that tells me neither of you are quite over the break up yet and are doing things to hurt each other (him reacting irrationally. you telling him that the new dude you're talking to is going to show up at his place).

    It's a tough situation for both of you, and I don't mean to make you feel like you're at fault in anyway. It seems to me that both of you have mae some missteps post break up.

    Good luck!

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    • Thanks! Good insight. His brother hates me because my ex does lol but I agree on giving it time

What Guys Said 2

  • Unfortunately it's in his apartment so you are at his mercy. You'll just have to deal with it. As you said it was a bitter break up. Neither one of you are playing nice at the moment.

    It's entirely understandable that he doesn't want you there alone. He doesn't want you taking stuff he thinks are his. Be prepared when you go to have disagreements about what is yours and what is his. You will need to decide what is worth fighting over and what just isn't worth the stress and headaches. Like you said, you just want to get it over with, so losing a few things might be the price you have to pay. Then maybe sometime in the future when the two of you have calmed down, maybe you guys can be more civil and he might offer to give more stuff back.

    As for bringing some guy along, your ex will take that as a sort of challenge. If disagreements come up (which they probably will) having some guy along who might get all chivalrous could very easily lead to a fight or worse. Don't temp fate with that one. It's playing with fire. Your ex is NOT going to take kindly to some guy who might be viewed as an enforcer.

    If worse comes to worse you can always go to court over it. But that's a last resort. If you don't have proof that something belongs to you the court could easily go against you.

    For now the stuff is in his apartment so you gotta play by his rules. Just do the best you can without escalating things.

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  • he loves uuu... thts why he is being so difficult...

    u want your things ... say you are sorry ... be nice to himm.. he will give u..

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What Girls Said 1

  • Because he is a douche bag. He is a jerk and wants to make it as hard as possible for you for whatever reason. You may just need to go to the courthouse and have an officer escort you to get your stuff. He has no right to keep it or make it hard for you to get it. He also cannot just put your stuff outside. If it gets stolen he is legally responsible for replacing it or giving you cash to replace it yourself. It may seem extreme but you need to do what you have to, to get your stuff and be done. Delete him out of your phone and life once you get your stuff. You may even have to block him.

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    • her trying to make him jealous by saying the guy that replaced you is going to come with me is kind of douche too. Too be fair, both of them have made mistakes here she is not 100% innocent and neither is he. Cops are not going to let her into his house under the presumption that it's her stuff. They will go to the door and talk to him. They can't force their way in unless an investigation proves that he is witholding her possessions and they get a warrant to enter the premise

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    • Pre-law means absolutely nothing. ANY degree is pre-law, although some degrees might make it more likely to be accepted into law school. She probably has very little or no special knowledge about these things.

    • Well all you have to do is look it up. What I said is still accurate.

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