Why don't girls date guys they know and love?

Girls always reject the nice guys who take care of them and have know them forever. However, they will date a guy they barely knew a month just because they gave them that "spark". Is this "spark really more important than someone who cares for you? If he's attractive, funny, smart, and an overall good personality, why say no? This mentality that girls have is why most end up getting hurt or used for sex. While nice guys like me are in their 20s and have yet to have ever had a girlfriend. If you want a good guy, try giving the nice, loyal, friend that you know very well a chance.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "Are you physically less attractive than the girls you want, and blow off girls that are about as attractive as you? Are you shy, clingy, and do things desperate for approval? Do you sit in the friend zone for long periods of time hoping that a girl will change her mind and want to date you, only to get pissed when she dates someone else?"

    That anonymous girl spoke the truth on that one. Most "nice guys" seem to never realize this particularly this part. It's something that I, the quintessential "nice guy" even at nearly 31, never even had a good grasp of until recently, and that came through asking the few females I knew I could trust to tell me the truth...one in particular pretty much broke it down the same way ol' girl did up above. Once I wised up, I also started doing a bunch of deeper research into this age-old issue, not to mention what it is that women want in general. (Never hesitate to educate yourself on the fairer gender, my man.) Now I woudn't consider myself "unattractive"--I do pretty okay in keeping myself in shape--but all of that other stuff, the "clinginess", settling to "be a friend in hopes of one day winning her heart", hoping that the girl would like me for me, all those were things I never really saw as faults, or turn-offs, until I had it broken down to me.

    Basically, brother, you gotta view it like this: figure out what it is that women want, then become it if you want one. It's going to take a lot of time to and by yourself to do it, but you got to--but don't do it expressly to catch the woman of your dreams, do it to better YOURSELF. Work yourself into shape--don't ever underestimate the value of sexual attraction, and part of that is through a desirable physical appearance (just the same as we guys always visually prefer the sexier broads, don't think for a second women don't do the same with us--we can't fault them for it, either). Women like to feel safe and secure with a man, and part of that mental reassurance comes through physical attraction. The other part of improving yourself is through financial stability. If you can, find what it is you like to do and get your weight up that way, put yourself in a position to be able to provide. That way when the time comes, you can actually afford to do the stuff you want. These two things, even the process of working on them, will help improve your confidence--and that's the number one thing you hear women say they like in a man: "confidence".

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What Girls Said 2

  • There are many nice guys around. They all make good friends, so it won't make sense to make all of them boyfriends. It takes a little more connection than just the friends quality to upgrade to that boyfriend level. You think guy who cares about a girl is enough? Just as you won't want to have a mom to care for you all the time, girls also don't need that excessive care. Do you respect her independence? Just as a good girlfriend tries to understand her bf's needs and thoughts, have you tried to understand what she needs and wants? Having similar values is a must in the relationship. You can't simply put the blame on all girls without asking what your own problems are. Girls don't go for just any guy, unless she just wants the superficial aspect of dating. Girls look for the one guy, among many, who possess all the qualities of the boyfriend that she wants.

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  • If you're in your 20's and have yet to have a girlfriend, you are not as attractive as you think you are (or at least not as attractive as the girls you always pursue). Take some time for deep introspection. Are you physically less attractive than the girls you want, and blow off girls that are about as attractive as you? Are you shy, clingy, and do things desperate for approval? Do you sit in the friend zone for long periods of time hoping that a girl will change her mind and want to date you, only to get pissed when she dates someone else?

    If the answer to any of these questions are yes, then you need to be honest with yourself. You need to work on your appearance, confidence and overall impression you give women, or give women you don't typically go after a chance. After all, you are hoping that certain women will give you a chance right? Practice what you preach.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Both girls and guys are attracted to a little mystery, and someone who is a bit of a challenge. That spark you refer to is really a "spike" in interest level. Nice guys are never a mystery, never a challenge...they can NEVER tell a girl NO. That's all it takes to turn a girl off even if you have most of the qualities she looks for. If you never learn to tell a girl NO...or keep some mystery, and be a challenge to women...you will always be the nice guy.

    If all a woman wanted was a nice guy with all the traits you listed, they would go down to the local animal shelter, and pick out a four legged friend.

    He would be a good dog... loyal, nice, and would take care of her forever.

    Dude...have you ever gave a girl a reason, or a chance to chase you?

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  • Yes.

    The spark is more important.

    Otherwise you'd settle down with a nice gay man who treated you well.

    *note this isn't meant to act like homosexuality is bad, rather that sexually desiring your partner is fairly critical. I'm assuming Q/A isn't bi or he wouldn't be whining about 'girls'

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    • Did not pertain to me at all. She described guys who got dumped and guys who have high physical appearance standards. My problem is that I'm never even given a chance. I'm no greater than friend material. I usually target average looking girls because most of the time I can't relate to pretty/outgoing girls. Regardless the problem is that I'm an overall kindhearted guy with a job, goals, plans, etc etc but "I only like you as a friend" is a problem that I've faced my entire life :/.

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