Long story short I am a 23 year old girl who has had a rigid education. I have no dating experience and I am starting to understand that the way I've been brought up might play a part in it.
I’d like to know how I can improve things without having to compromise my integrity.
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Growing up I was told that sex should be saved for marriage. My family looks down on women who don't respect this.
Ever since my teenage years, I have thought about why it was so and what the consequences were in terms of dating.
I have never been interested in dating throughout high school, because obviously dating was linked to sex to me, and since I wouldn't have been able to deliver sex , then there was no reason for me to date at all.
After I graduated from high school, I tried to stop worrying over this and that I should see what comes and deal with it in due time.
But dating opportunities have never risen. Perhaps due to my own inhibition and the fact that I don’t know how to and am sort of reluctant to have the right behavior that would attract guys (for example I don’t feel comfortable bringing attention to me by trying to be the prettiest or by seducing guys, so I dress nice but nothing that would make me stand out) and I would never dare attempt making the first step out of fear that this might lead me to promise too much.
Now I’m 23 and I've never dated or been asked out . As much as I understand where I come from I can’t help but feel a tiny sense of failure when I see acquaintance that are now making long term plans with their significant other and I’m not there yet.
I never talk about relationship with anyone. Other people sometimes have come and talked either about their situation or asked about mine and I felt uncomfortable answering them because I was wary of their judgement.
I don’t go out a lot and don’t go to parties as I don’t feel at ease in this type of environment. I've lost many friends because I couldn't join their activities.
I realize that most people who have had a rigid education such as mine are at least part of a religious community but I’m not because my family has never been and anyway I realize I wouldn't really fit in with them.
I’d like to point out that I am by no means a prude. I don’t view sex negatively or deny my own sexual needs. Quite the opposite, I’ve been aware of them very early and they just became more and more important through the years.
I just don’t want to feel pressured into sex, an at the same time don’t even know if I would trust myself, were I to find myself alone with someone I am sexually attracted to.
I’d like to find someone that would « love » me and respect my choice not to rush into sex, yet am aware that no man would ever want to buy the car without having tried it, and am confused as to what love without lust really is.
If anyone could offer advice, whether you've actually read all of it or not I’d gladly appreciate it
Most Helpful Guy
Wow that was a long read, that being said, I'm a guy and personally I'm not a fan of sex, I was on meds for a really long time that just killed sex for me so now it's just not fun. Because of that it's easy for me to control myself with girls, if you could find a guy in your area like me you'd be set, or find a Mormon. In all seriousness though there are guy's out there that won't pressure you into sex and will respect your decision not to until you're in a more committed relationship, you just have to look harder than most girls, most highly religious guys would fit that criteria, I'm not though and I would as well so there are guys out there.0
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