Ladies, what is too much, too fast, or too soon for a first date?

What is the limit on spending $$, time, touching, kissing, etc. when on a first date. I know its good to impress a girl, but there is also a way to come off as too needy and clingy by going overboard on a restaurant or whatever. I recently took a girl I work with on a date to Red Lobster and then went bowling afterward. I kissed her at the end of the night and we both definitely had a good time!

But anyways, I paid for everything which was about $70 total! That wasn't too much was it? It didn't seem like too much at the time but looking back on it...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It depends on your geography and if your spending a lot compared to what you have (it's more about % and age appropriateness). When I was 21 my ex use to take me to 4/5 star restaurants in NYC... It made me uncomfortable because we were college students and had no business eating $300 meals especially considering I'm small framed and 105 so I don't require that much food or wine and it was his parents $.. But that's just me.. Now that I'm in my mid 20's and still live in NYC a guy spending between $50-$150 on a date is normal but guys around 26-28 (the age I typically date) have started to build up a nice savings of their own and in NY everything is twice the price it is elsewhere (guys also expect a woman to sleep with them twice as fast here too lol)... Thus it's fine to spend $70 on a date and doesn't seem showy outside of NY if that includes your meal too... Just so long as you do this more often then less on dates and your not the only one doing it... I don't know I would sooner go on a drink date at a bar than a first date be over a slice of pizza or fast food.. but then again I would never eat pizza or fast food unless I've had a drink lol... If she's a good catch then she is or should be use to a guy who want to take her on a real date... It use to make me uncomfortable when a guy would treat me on a first date... but I've grown use to it... Your being mature for your age there's nothing wrong with that... Just try to take a woman to a more intimate restaurant and not a chain in the future.. It makes her feel special to know you went out of your way to find a spot, and make a reservation than a chain restaurant... I'm always impressed when a guy takes me to a cute place in the west village, and if I've been on a date there before I won't tell him because I think it takes away from the experience for him... If you go to a chain restaurant there's a better chance that another guy has taken her there and the place reminds her of him (just figured I'd fill you in on the female phychy you seem like a nice kid).

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What Girls Said 11

  • Spend only what you can afford. Want to take a girl out to a nice dinner, but you're poor and both of you go to the same college? Eat at the caf together, and listen to her when she talks.

    If you can afford to go to a restaurant, going to a four or five star restaurant might be a little much. You want her to be impressed with YOU not your surroundings.

    Physical intimacy happens at different rates for different people. If she was cool with the kiss, then by all means high-five yourself for good fortune!

    If the end amount was more than you can afford, yes you went overboard. If it was more than you wanted to spend, then yes, you went overboard.

    Considering it was a first date, and you paid for everything, then I can infer that you both are either too young to drink legally, or neither of you is a very big drinker. Even though I'm a girl, I'm usually the one who pays on any dates that I go on, so in my experience $70 is pretty cheap.

    But like I said, if it was more than you wanted to spend, you spent too much.

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  • I get so uncomfortable when other people spend large amounts of money on me. For a first date, I like to do two different activities: one that costs nothing, and one that costs money. Like hanging out and then a movie, or dinner and then going home and playing Mario Kart.

    As for affection, I'm not opposed to kissing on the first date, as long as the connection's there. I probably wouldn't go farther than that.

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  • I think it really depends on the girl.

    In a man, I don't typically care about wealth or how much he spends on me during the relationship, but I prefer an all-out first date.

    I like for us both to get really dressed up and look absolutely stunning for our first date, and go for a really nice dinner. Usually, guys who know this will take me out to an expensive restaurant. One of my exes, however, was on a budget so he cooked an entire meal in his kitchen and turned his living-room into a restaurant. In retrospect, I probably should've been more skeptical about going to his place on a first date, but it took a few dates after that before I made my way back there again, so I suppose it worked out for the best.

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  • I don't want to go to Red Lobster, but definetely a casual sit down (ie Applebee's, Chili's and such). Also the girl should offer to pay half. I always offer to pay for the whole thing so the guy doesn't think I'm a mooch. As for bowling that's a nice change as dinner id generally followed by a movie. For me personally I don't kiss on the first date I hug. I like to make sure it's someone I wanna spend my kisses on before I kiss him.

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  • No, don't be cheap. You think you paid a lot, well, maybe another guy took her to the Space Needle and dinner there is not cheap ($200 - up) if you are in Seattle, lol.

    Anyways, I would check if she even offer to pay. Second, I would definitely started out with a cheaper place. Such as some place where the bill added up to $20 - $30. With $70, you could go on two dates!

    I think first date should be respectful. Second date, a touch or kiss, and then it depends after that. All guys that has ever touch meet on the first date, get x. If you are so quick with me, then you are pretty quick on moving on. Also there was a show but if you put salt on your food before tasting, it indicate you are quick temper.

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  • If a girl is really interested in getting to know you, she won't care how much the bill is.. As long as you don't take her to a fast food restaraunt. Like the other guy said, if you're spending 50$ and the girl doesn't even offer to pay, that's definitely a red flag, especially on the first date. A first date shouldn't be flashy. Of course you should try to impress her, but if she's genuine, she won't be looking for you to impress her. Bowling and diner is perfect. 70$ might seem like a lot but not when you guys just went to dinner and bowl. It isn't like you took her to a fancy dinner with flowers and wine. That's a perfect casual first date. As for kissing, a good night kiss is the best way to end a first date. During dinner and bowling, you can flirt and touch but I would refrain from kissing until you drop her off for the night.

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  • It depends. I'm in college, I couldn't afford to go out for dinner so he would have to pay for everything. And dinner is I don't know 30 -40$ so I'd think that's too much. A few years down the road when I make my onw that more would be fine though.

    I don't kiss on first dates, but a lot of girls do, so you're fine. If you both enjoyed it that's good too, but generally I'd suggest to make a first date rather short in case it's awkward. Then you can make the second date longer

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  • I think that is pretty typical for a first date. It also depends on age and place in life. I'm 22, but I have a job and tend to date young professionals. So dates around that range are fairly average. However, I do offer to pay my half and if he refuses, I buy us coffee. It's only polite. Cheap dates are fun too, such as going to the park, playing video games, etc. But I think what you did was the perfect first date. Bowling is a great way to break the ice!

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  • just something casual, not a fancy dinner, go to the park and have a picnic... That cost like $20. Put the focus on getting to know each other and not on the date itself so much.

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  • It depends on the girl. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a guy paying that much on a first date, but if she was okay with it, then more power to you. I prefer a coffee date when I first go out with a guy, just spending a couple hours talking and seeing if there's potential for a second date. As far as touching and kissing, it's not my thing on a first date. Call me a prude, but I like to let him know I need to know him better before I let him kiss me. He'll get a hug, but that's it.

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  • As long as you're happy with it, that's all that matters.

    For me, I'd ideally like a guy to spend $0 on a first date. My first date was to the park and he and I just walked around. I mean, he probably paid for the gas money to get there, but it was only 5 miles and he has a very fuel efficient car so...

    Time wise, don't have time constraints. If either of you are obviously miserable, then you need a way to bow out.

    Touching, for me, none at all. Maybe hand holding, but that all depends. Typically you should keep it at a friend level. No ass grabbing or groping.

    Kissing: You really need to read the date. If it's going well, a peck on the cheek or lips at the end may be acceptable, but if it went poorly, a simple, "Well, that was fun," will do.

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What Guys Said 3

  • In my opinion that was a little much because now you really have nothing to top that. Unless you go balls deep into your wallet. So I think it would have been to start simpler. However it could have been an amazing thing and could push you to the front of her love bus. Who the f*** knows man. The kiss was probably a good sign though.

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  • Most girls will probably tell you that there is no limit and you should spend as much as you want on her. Don't listen to them. Honestly, I wouldn't have a problem paying a bill like that but if she didn't even offer to help pay the bill that would raise red flags for me that she's doesn't actually like me and is just in it for a free meal and a fun night out. Or that she's really cheap. In my opinion, you got played, dude. The kiss was just a thank you. But who knows I might be wrong.

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  • Should of asked to split the bill

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