How did I scare her off?

In a nutshell, I met a girl on a Thursday night, saw her again the next night and stayed the next six nights at her house while going home or to school during the day. I am 22, she is 20. The entire time we were hanging out she would say how great I was and we really seemed to hit it off. When hanging out or watching television, she would always lay on me, hold my hand, and etc. She let me drive her car where ever we went, she cooked me dinner a few times during this period, and we even hung out with friends together. On the fifth night of being with her, we finally had sex. Previous to that, I had gone down on her and she absolutely loved it. After sex, however, (drunken sex, at that), she basically said that I wouldn't like her anymore and that it wasn't how it was supposed to happen (because we were drunk). I left after the sixth night, texted her maybe 6 hours later and her response was very plain. Her texts came later and later until a few days later she ceased to speak to me at all. Dumb me brought her flowers a week after not seeing her (bad, bad idea).

After the flowers, things progressively got worse when she texted me and said that she's not looking for anything serious whatsoever.

My question is, how did I scare her off? She seemed so into me and I was doing everything right. Was it all too fast? Did the fact that we had sex ruin it? Was she trying to get rid of me before I had the chance to get rid of her? So many questions, and I have no idea what the answer is. LIke I said, she seemed so into me, even called me "perfect" a few times and yet I'm not sure what I did wrong.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i think I know exactly where this girl is coming from because she said "that wasn't how it was supposed to happen". a lot of girls, including myself, want a very romantic relationship, one that will sound good to the kids one day. the fact that you guys had drunk sex messed it up. it was too soon, and it was drunk. the first time is very important to some girls. I do think you could have revived the relationship POSSIBLY if you had done the flowers sooner and maybe written her a sweet letter about "why we are good together" or something like that. just because it would have given her less time to make up her mind about writting you off. but I also think its too late now. I'm just saying that for future knowledge. you deserve a good relationship because I can tell you have a good heart. but this one sounds over to me, id move on

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What Girls Said 5

  • That sounded like you guys really clicked. Things probably progressed faster than she wanted, which sucks because you guys probably would have worked out. Is there anything that happened during the sex that scared her? Like, she wasn't a virgin right?

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  • Too fast. All the excitement and chemistry ended on the 6th night. Sounds like it was for fun and then you seem serious and she is not looking for that. Anyone that is willing to have sex with you on the 6th night is a one night type unless she is an exception. Flattery is overrated.

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  • If she wasn't ready to have sex, or wanted to wait longer, she probably think that you only want her for sex now. Give her some time then talk to her again.

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  • My opinion is that if you feel she's the one and you think she's worth it, you should fight for her. As everyone has said before you moved too fast and she's afraid that you will lose interest in her since you got what you wanted, since all girls are trained from when they're young that "boys are only after one thing." I know it's not true for all guys, but it's been imbedded into every girls brain since childhood. Plus, since it happened so soon, she may feel that you will get the wrong idea about her in that she's "easy."

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  • Maybe the sex wasn't great for her and she doesn't want to speak to you anymore.

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What Guys Said 4

  • You didn't really scare her off. She freaked out after you guys had sex. It happens. Some people just get all weird after doing it. Those kind of people typically can't handle a real relationship. It's good that it happened sooner rather than later, so you didn't get too emotionally invested before being let down. IMO, just pour yourself a beer, have a good cry, cuddle with your teddy bear, whatever you need to do to get yourself over her and then move on with your life. Done and done. GGWP

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  • You didn't scare her off.

    She just got the fear that you won't like her anymore so she stopped being responsive to you.

    The sex really ruin it. Yes, she might be getting rid of you before you had the chance.

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  • I think you guys were moving too fast into things. 6 days non stop together then things climaxed into a drunken bang. Everyone else is right too when they say she probably got freaked out because of how she felt because of the sex.

    Just keep your distance with her for a while, and let HER hit you up. Then you guys can talk about it.

    Sorry homie.

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  • She freaked out, we've all done it and been there. The situation escalated way too quickly, and before she knew it she was basically looking at a relationship.

    This is why you always take things slow.

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