Was this OK to say? Or slightly rude?

To sum it up today I had to end a friendship with a girl(We're both 18 btw) because my feelings were too strong to only be a friend, and she is aware of my strong feelings but only likes me as a friend.

I gave her quite a lengthy speech on why I can't just handle it, but in addition to that I even said

"I rather not sit back and watch you date other guys and get hurt(She gets cheated on ALOT) while I wonder why you won't give me a shot to treat you right"

and

"I don't wanna sit back and watch you date other guys"

Yeah I said them both twice within the conversation, but my question is was that OK to say? Or can that come across as slightly rude? Because she could think I don't care about her to support her through those hard times as a friend... but on the other hand I would be in AGONY watching her date other guys... especially if they hurt her

  • Ok to say
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  • Slightly rude
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  • Other (post what)
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • As a girl who was in a situation like this, I can tell you that what you said probably hurt her. I had a close friend that had more than just feelings of friendship towards me, and I didn't feel the same. He told me time and again that I should just give him a chance and that it was ridiculous that I wouldn't date him. I would cry sometimes, because he was such a good friend and I wanted to see him happy, but I couldn't develop those feelings for him. I told him time and again that I would NOT lead him on by agreeing to go out with him, and he resented me for that I think... But you were a strong enough man to just walk away without whining and nagging her to go out with you. So yeah, what you said was harsh, but it was the truth and it will be better for both of you to not have to deal with the pain I'm sure you were both feeling.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I'm in the exact same situation , my guy friend likes me ask more than a friend but I turned him down and now he is ignoring me. This is from the girl pov , she feels bad that she doesn't see you that way and she didn't want the friendship to end. If you guys were really good friends then she just wanted to continue the friendship. If you really liked her then you would let her go and maybe she just might notice how much of a good boyfriend you would make. You shouldn't give her a v-day present in hopes that you guys will get together , you should give it to her to let her knw you still want to be friends. This is how I feel with my guy friend and you can't blame her for not lliking you. :-) good luck!

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    • would continuing the friendship via a vday gift actually improve my chances? otherwise I might as well throw it out, although I KNOW she would love it. like 100% sure.

  • That's more than fine, you said what you had to say. I've been on her end of the situation before, and while it hurts to loose that friend, I still understand that he needs what's best for him. Especially since I just wasn't interested and probably never would be. We actually are friends now though by the way

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    • 2 questions I would appreciate answered:

      1: How did you guys fix your friendship? To be honest this is the SECOND time I'm ending the friendship with her, but I intend on making it permenant. The first time I was more laid back and she understood and we were cool and went our separate ways, but then I wanted her back but then realized that by talking to her I'm getting false hope... so I did it a second time but lengthy and firm

      2: Why do you not like him? Just curious on common rejection reasons

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    • That's completely fine, I'm not saying leave your Boyfriend because I don't know all 3 of you LOL. I'm just getting your perspective of "What-if" that's all.

    • I understand

  • She's avoiding/ignoring you because you ended your friendship, what did you expect her to do?

    Why would you re-establish the friendship? You just said that you couldn't be friends with her anymore; and why on earth would you give her a v-day gift? She isn't your girlfriend, in fact she isn't even your friend at this point...

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    • I told her we can't be friends, doesn't mean we can't say hello and bye to each other. We don't have to flat out ignore each other like neither of us existed.

  • ok to say. you had to be honest. and she needs to learn that she shouldn't be with somebody that hurts her.

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  • I believe it is fine to say. She wasn't understanding that you sticking around and watching her get hurt by other guys is hurting you. If she still didn't care, then she was being selfish.

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  • Why would you give her a "super cute v-day present" then continue no contact?
    It's like your playing f***ing mind games. You don't really want to end the relationship, you want to guilt her into wanting you. You want to make her miss you and that shows by that one comment. You want to show her that you're a good guy and thanks to her actions she can't have you at all so now she needs to miss you and grovel at your feet to have you in her life.

    She just doesn't seem all that interested in you. I'm sorry, but she's not even putting up a fight when you tell her you're kicking her out of your life.

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    • Girls want what they can't have... mind games ARE messed up but DO work.

      She's obviously upset but does understand why I'd want to kick her out, I'm sure she is slightly interested but knows to not reach out to me

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    • "yeah, I can't wait to totally be that girl's gay BFF because I can't be her boyfriend" <--- Said no guy ever

      Wah, no guys want to join your fan club... cry more?

    • lol, what are you talking about a fan club?

      You're failing at insulting me because I'm not babying you and cosigning your bullsh*t games. You need to grow up. No wonder why she doesn't want you; you act like a little boy.

What Guys Said 5

  • Meh I've said the exact same thing to a girl before so I can empathise entirely.

    She might see it as rude but you are perfectly entitled to your views and feelings. You did the right thing by cutting it off, a year or so down the line for me and I'm more than fine. Good luck pal.

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  • I was so proud of you up until that last paragraph... too good to be true.

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    • Girls want what they can't have... so I'm thinking give her something cute, continue NC, see if she does come back. If not then oh well, I'll live being 10$ short. And this is like my best friend of 6 months we're talking about, so I don't mind spending a little something

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    • I suppose your slightly right... meh lol

    • Slightly right? I'm dead on the nail. With mixed signals like that, what girl wouldn't run?

      The person you need to be is somewhere inside that twisted and confused mind of yours but you've yet to find him. I got a glimpse of him but he vanished before I could confront him.

  • Congrats on being able to walk away. I've stayed friends in that same situation, it becomes easier in time to have her date. But you were in no way rude. You were honest and to the point, that is something a lot of people don't do. They skirt the issue.

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  • sounds like a typical dumb girl. Dates a**holes who hurt her instead of the guy who will likely treat her right. At least you didn't act a door mat.

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  • I've been in your shoes. My advice is this. If you still have her number, delete it. If you still have her as a friend via FB or instant messenger, or anything else, delete that too. Leave yourself no easy form of communication. Don't contact her again, regardless of what you might think down the line one night in a moment of weakness.

    Over 4 years, my only regret was that it went on for as long as it did. It shouldn't have lasted beyond 6 months, and while we are both to blame for that, it never would have happened if it weren't for my actions. I had multiple opportunities to do the right thing for both of us and just kept failing. Don't make that mistake.

    I lost count how many times we'd get close only for me to fall for her all over again, have her not feel the same, have a falling out, be distant for awhile then have the same cycle happen all over again. Every time I genuinely believe things would be different. That I had changed, or she'd do something that made me think maybe things had changed with her. On more than one occasion I honestly thought, "being just friends can work this time around because things have changed" but they never did. It always went up in flames.

    I hurt myself so many times because I thought I had changed, or that things had changed, but nothing had. But worse then that I hurt her so many times too. There are so many days I feel bad about that and want to apologize to her for putting her through that repeatedly. She may not have loved me like that, but she cared and I hurt her just like you're doing right now, and will continue to do if you don't walk away.

    Don't say another word to her, it's the least you can do. If she messages you in anger or upset, just let it be. That's what I did. I may want to say I'm sorry, but I won't. It would be selfish. Nothing you can say from here is going to be for her benefit, only your own. So do everything you can to move on, and stay out of her life for the sake of both of you.

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